Letters From Quinn
by huntinglily
Summary: A week after Quinn Fabray dies, letters begin to show up on the doorsteps of her friends and family, all holding a different request. Her final words to them will go on to change their lives in ways none of them could have imagined. More characters included than listed.
1. Prologue

**Author's Note - This idea has been in my head since reading Sisterhood Everlasting by Ann Brashares. Prompt credit goes to her and the book, and all Glee characters belong to Fox, the writers, and the show.**

**A few disclaimers, PLEASE READ to avoid confusion - This story takes place a year after Finn dies. The primary characters are all 21 or 22 (I think I have that math done right?) In my world, Quinn and Puck gave Beth to Shelby, but never attempted to get her back in the way that they did on the show. And nothing ever happened romantically between Puck and Shelby.**

**This is, for the most part, completely AU. Mentions of canon story lines from the show will be made but most of this spawns from my own head. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Prologue

"You sure you want to do this?"

Quinn closed her eyes and nodded. When she opened them again, Puck was gazing at her with tears falling silently down his face.

"Puck," she chastised gently. "We said no tears."

"Fuck that!" he said stubbornly, wiping his eyes as more tears continued to fall.

Quinn smiled sadly and shook her head. She held out her hand to him.

"Come here."

Puck walked over and sat down on the small hospital bed with a heavy sigh.

"I don't know if I can do this, baby mama."

She reached over and smacked his head, earning a scowl from him.

"You _can_ do this, and you will _not_ call me that! Not even on my deathbed."

At her words, even though they were spoken playfully, Puck felt his heart shatter. He took Quinn's hand in his own and gripped it tightly.

"You know if it was anyone else who had asked me to do this, I would've said _hell no_ and laughed in their face."

"I know," Quinn murmured quietly, nodding.

"But it's not anyone," he said. "It's you."

"It's me."

"I mean Christ, Q, they have no idea what's coming."

"I know."

"You could always just tell them now," he said desperately, hesitantly. "They would come. You know they would. There's still time."

But she shook her head like he knew she would.

"I can't, Puck. You know I can't. That's why—"

She cut off and gestured around her. Puck looked around the room at the countless stacks of letters, all addressed and organized in true Fabray fashion. He sighed.

"You're sure?" he asked one last time.

Tears filled Quinn's hazel eyes, but she didn't hesitate.

"I'm sure."

Puck brushed away her tears and kissed her forehead.

"Okay."

The blonde closed her eyes at the sensation of his touch.

"Thank you, Noah."

Puck drew back, his eyes wide.

"You've never called me Noah before."

She shrugged, "Better late than never, right?"

He squeezed his eyes shut to prevent the already-forming tears from falling. When he opened them, Quinn was smiling sadly at him again and the sight of her made him breathless.

She was forever the most beautiful girl in the world, and he was about to lose her.

He would do this for her. He owed her.

"I love you, Noah Puckerman."

"Back atcha, babe."


	2. Chapter 1

Santana was a mess.

A week ago, Quinn had died and it had shaken her entire world. She couldn't eat or drink. She couldn't sleep. She could barely function. She was pretty sure at this point that if it wasn't for Brittany practically forcing food and water down her throat, she would have died by now, too.

She was an emotional train wreck and had no idea how to handle what she was feeling.

On one hand, she was angry. She was so incredibly furious at the stupid blonde for dying. She had known Quinn was sick, of course, but she didn't know how bad it had gotten. Apparently no one did, judging by the reactions of everyone who had known Quinn. It appeared as if she hadn't told anyone how sick she had gotten.

Santana couldn't for the life of her figure out why Quinn had kept this to herself. How does someone not tell people that they're dying? It didn't make sense in the Latina's mind.

So yeah, she was angry. Really fucking angry.

But on the other hand…on the other hand, she was shattered. She was wrecked. She was destroyed and broken and part of her wished Brittany would stop making her eat because dying would probably less painful than having to live knowing that Quinn was gone forever.

Santana got her first letter exactly a week after the blonde's death.

Everyone had come back to Lima for the funeral. Santana was sitting in her parents' house, in her old room, staring blankly at the wall like she did so often these days when the doorbell rang.

Listlessly, she made her way downstairs and opened the door to yell at whoever was out there. However, no one was at the door and she rolled her eyes.

Little kids never learned sometimes.

However, just before she shut the door, something white caught the corner of her eye and she looked down at the doormat.

Lying on top of it was a single white envelope. Curiosity sparked, Santana leaned down to retrieve it but dropped the envelope as soon as she picked it up.

"_Whatthefuck_—"

Written on the front of the envelope was a date two weeks from that day. It wasn't the date that caused Santana to drop the envelope like it had burned her.

It was the handwriting.

_Quinn's handwriting_.

Shaking uncontrollably, Santana slowly picked up the envelope again and sat down on the porch steps. She ran her fingertips over the writing, barely grazing the paper.

A letter from Quinn, who had died a week ago. The majority of her didn't even want to know how it had gotten on her doorstep.

She read the date on the front of the envelope again and without warning, all the angry feelings she had been experiencing came flooding back to her. The date suddenly meant nothing to her. Quinn had no control over when she opened the letter.

She had no control over anything anymore.

"Who are you to tell me what I can and can't do now, Q?" she spat out loud, tearing the envelope open. "I'm reading it and there's nothing you can fucking do about it."

_Santana,_

_When I picture you reading this, I see you sitting somewhere in the dark. Maybe it's the middle of the night – I can see you waking up and trying to shake yourself from the nightmare you feel like you've fallen into. Although on the other hand, I can also see you reading this during the day but feeling like a zombie while you do so, because you haven't slept in weeks. You're probably angry, really angry. Maybe you think I can't control what you do anymore, and you're right. I know for a fact that no matter where you're reading this, you've opened at least a week before the date on the front of the envelope said. It's okay; I planned for that._

By the end of the first paragraph, Santana was crying.

Of course Quinn had planned for her to open the letter early. They had been best friends for more than 15 years. There wasn't much Santana could get past the blonde, even after Quinn was gone.

_My death is going to hit everyone but out of everyone, I feel like it will hit you and Puck the hardest. I'm worried about everyone, but thinking about what this will do to the two of you makes me breathless.  
_

_S, I know my words don't mean much now, but I am so very sorry that you have to go through this. As if losing Finn wasn't heartbreaking enough…now you've all lost me and I am so, so sorry._

_I remember the very first time I met you. It was the first day of kindergarten, and I was scared out of my mind. You know better than anyone how much I've hid behind my pretty girl mask and let that be the main focus. My looks have always been my way out of things, but there was no way out of school.  
_

_I walked into the classroom that day and took in what I saw – rows of desks filled with smiling, excited children. Everyone was talking, already making new friends, and it made me feel sick. I didn't know how to do that. So I stood there in the doorway until my eyes landed on a tiny, tan girl in the back of the room. It was you, and you were alone. I seized the opportunity. _

_As I walked up to you, your head shot up and your dark eyes flashed. _

"_Come any closer and__ I'll hit you," you said to me, glaring.  
_

_I drew back in both surprise and alarm, automatically stopping myself from advancing any further._

_"Why would you you want to hit me?" I asked. Not only was a slightly terrified, but also curious. For my entire life to that point, people had only ever wanted to please me upon meeting me. You were the first to ignore my looks and I wanted to know why. _

"_I don't want to but I will if I have to. You could be mean," you shrugged. "You look mean." Even at age five, you never had a filter – you were never afraid to call me out._

"_I'm not going to be mean to you," I told you, and took a deep breath. "I want to be your friend."_

"_What makes you think I want to be your friend?" you shot back, still wary._

_I looked around the room before meeting your watchful eyes. "See all these people?" I asked, and you nodded. "Well, I promise none of them will be mean to you if we're friends. I can do that. I can scare them."_

_You stood there silently, taking in my offer. After several long moments, you nodded again._

"_You're pretty," you told me. _

_I nodded solemnly; it was something I had heard all my life._

"_I know. You're pretty, too."  
_

_You bore your dark brown eyes into my light hazel eyes and slowly stuck out your hand._

"_I'm Santana Lopez." _

"_Quinn Fabray," I replied, placing my hand into yours. We didn't shake. You simply squeezed my hand, and my stomach fluttered. I think that's when it hit me._

_I knew you would become my best friend. And you did._

_I was so grateful for your friendship that day, Santana, and I've stayed grateful for my entire life._

Quinn's handwriting became blurry as Santana continued to cry. Her heart ached. She could practically hear Quinn's soft, sultry voice saying the words on the paper to her. Wiping her eyes, she choked down her tears and kept reading.

_It wasn't very long until Brittany joined us, and our duo became a trio. I'll admit it – I used to get jealous of Brittany. She had some kind of hold on you that I knew I never would. Of course, you never failed to reassure me that your first loyalty would always be to me; I was your best friend. I knew that. I still know that. But I was never blind to the fact that when Britts smiled at you, your whole world lit up. _

_Our B is the person who's going to help you pull through this, San. She's always been the glue that holds the Unholy Trinity together. She's had a firm hold on your heart since you were five years old and she's going to be there for you. She loves you so much, S. I probably shouldn't tell you this because it will only make you feel worse, but she used to cry to me every time the two of you fought. Whether it was in grade school about a silly argument, in high school when you were in denial about loving her, or college when you were dating Dani – I can't tell you how many times I curled up with her on my bed to let her cry or how many phone calls were spent just listening to how miserable she was. She loves you and knowing that she would stand between you and the world makes it a little bit easier to leave you._

_Now, I have a huge favor to ask you, and I want you to know that you don't have to do it. I already know it's too much to ask, but you're my best friend and I can't imagine asking anyone else._

_I'm giving Puck a box of items to pass onto our daughter…our baby…my baby, Beth._

_Even after all this time, I still can't say her name or even write it, without tears welling up in my eyes._

_Anyways, the items in the box; they're dated, like your letter was, and they include things like a sixteenth birthday present, countless letters for different important dates, a bracelet to wear on her wedding day – things like that. It's Puck's job to give them to her. He knows that. And I know he and Shelby will tell her about me._

_But it's you that I'm leaving this one with. _

_Enclosed in this envelope, along with the letter you're reading, is another envelope. _

_Open it._

Santana picked up the discarded envelope she had cast aside and pulled out another one, smaller than the first. Gently tearing it open, she pulled out the content and a small gasp erupted from her chest.

Quinn, _her_ Quinn, smiling down at the beautiful baby girl she had so selflessly given up.

She softly touched the picture and ran her fingers over Quinn's face. Santana's heart constricted and she felt like she was being punched in the stomach.

It was all too much. The picture, the letter.

Clutching the picture to her heart in a true moment of vulnerability – she needed to feel Quinn close to her – she picked up the forgotten letter and continued to read Quinn's words.

_As you can see, inside is a picture that Mercedes took for me. She's the only person besides me that has seen this picture, or even knows that it exists. Not even Puck is aware. _

_It was taken right after I gave birth to Beth. It was the only time I ever got to cradle my sweet little girl in my arms while she was a baby. She's looking up at me with her eyes, those beautiful hazel eyes that are identical to mine, and the look on my face is one that I've never seen on my face in any other picture._

_It's a look of pure, shining love that only a mother could have for her child. It's a look that captured the few brief but precious seconds that I was a mother to my daughter before I had to give her up._

_Giving up Beth was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my entire life. It will always be that, and nothing I endured afterwards was ever as heartbreaking._

_I am about to die knowing that I'm leaving you all behind. That hurts more than I ever thought it would._

_But even this is easier than giving up my daughter was. _

Santana could barely breathe. She had stopped crying, too shocked by Quinn's words.

Quinn had never spoken about Beth. It was the one thing that the blonde had absolutely refused to discuss with anyone, even her.

Reading about it, she now knew why Quinn had put up so many walls when it came to her daughter. Doing anything else would have been too painful for the blonde to bear.

_Now it's time for me to tell you the truth. _

_Puck and I had a long talk that night after Beth was born, and we had another long talk with Shelby, and we decided we wanted to be part of Beth's life. Shelby had evidently seen that coming and graciously agreed. Until we figured out when we could meet her, Shelby sent us pictures and updated us regularly.  
_

_She's so beautiful, San. She has Puck's dark brown hair, but my hazel eyes and facial features. Puck says she looks exactly like me, and Shelby agrees. I don't see it, though. She's too pretty to look like me._

_We were going to wait until Beth's 13__th__ birthday to meet her for real. We'd meet her then and she'd get to decide for herself if she wanted to continue to have us in her life._

_That was the plan, until I got sick. Beth was four.  
_

_After that, things changed. I knew I was going to die, and I needed to see Beth again, hold her again, before I was gone. So I called Shelby, told her everything, and she brought Beth to the hospital to see me for the first time.  
_

_She knew who I was. Shelby had been telling her about Puck and I since she was born. She walked into the room holding Shelby's hand, crawled up onto the bed, pointed at me and said, "Quinn."_

_I swear, S, my heart almost stopped._

_I responded in the only way I knew how to; the only way I could at that point._

_I pointed back at her and said, "Beth." _

_She nodded seriously and pointed at me again._

"_Mommy Quinn."_

_So once again, I pointed at her and answered, "Baby Beth."_

_That time, she shook her head._

"_Big girl Beth."_

_I shook my head back._

"_No. Baby Beth. Always my baby Beth."_

_After a pause, she nodded again and gave me a shy smile.  
_

_I smiled back, and she made her way into my lap. Resting her head on my chest, she took my hands in hers and wrapped my arms around herself. Her body relaxed into mine as she let out a content sigh._

_I was holding my baby again._

_I can't tell you how long we stayed in that position. Eventually, we both fell asleep and yes, Puck snapped a picture before waking us up. The three of us sat on my bed for ages. Beth made us laugh with her stories about preschool. She and Puck both fawned over how pretty I am and made me blush. Beth and I played with Puck's Mohawk, making her giggle. _

_For a brief moment in time, we felt like a family. We were her parents and she was our perfect thing._

_Finally, Shelby came back into the room with a regretful look on her face._

"_It's time to go, sweetie," she said to Beth, with a sad smile._

_Beth vehemently shook her head, clutching me. I look at Shelby and she nodded and I wrapped my arms around my little girl._

"_Beth, it's okay. Shelby will bring you to see me again soon. We'll get to spend more time together, I promise."_

_Beth pulled away from me to look at my face and smiled. I pulled her back into me and as we hugged, I closed my eyes._

_After that, Beth came to see me as much as possible for three years. She knew I was sick - half of our visits were in my hospital room. But she didn't know I was dying. We wanted to keep it from her for as long as possible. It never mattered where we were or what we were doing - she was the light of my life and I loved her more and more every single time I saw her._

_However, I was also getting more and more sick, and a few days after Beth turned seven, I knew I didn't have much longer._

_At the end of our last visit, I pulled her into my lap._

_"Baby girl, after today, you won't be able to see me anymore," I told her gently. "I'm sick and it's my time to go. I know it's going to be really hard for you to understand but one day you will and I'm so sorry to leave you like this but I have to."_

_She didn't ask any questions. She looked up at me with her eyes - my eyes._

_"I love you," she whispered, tears falling down her face. _

_I held her close to me for the last time._

_"I love you, too, baby girl."_

Santana had to look away from the letter again before reading anymore. Never before in her entire life had she felt such a soul-crushing sadness.

Finally, after all this time, she knew the truth about Beth.

_The night of Beth's first prom, I want you to give this to her. Whether it's by mailing it along with a letter or giving it to her in person, though I hope it's the latter, I want you to give this picture to Beth._

_She's going to look so beautiful San, and I want her to have a tiny piece of me with her on her prom night. You of all people know how much prom always meant to me, and not for the reasons that everyone thought. For me, winning Prom Queen was so much more than a cheap plastic crown and a dance in the spotlight with whoever my king was. It was about carrying on the tradition that my sister and mother and grandmother had previously set for me. It was about making my family proud, even after they kicked me out. It was one last night that I was Daddy's little princess again and be the perfect daughter he always wanted me to be._

_I want you to give this picture to Beth and tell her that I will be watching over her with pride. I want you to tell her that I would never have expected from her what my parents expected from me – she is already perfect. No matter what, I will always be proud of her. The thought that I can't watch her grow up is ripping my heart out and tearing it apart._

_But I can be there for her on her prom night, through you. As my best friend and the person who knows me better than anyone in the world, I'm asking you to please do this favor for me. Please. _

_I'm asking Brittany to take care of you after I'm gone, and I know she will. But I'm asking you to take care of Beth and be there for her to turn to when she needs someone who isn't Shelby – when she needs someone who understands. You understand me, San. By default, you already understand Beth.  
_

_Obviously I can't force you to do these things. But I do hope you at least take them into consideration. It would mean so much to me, and I can die happily knowing that the people I love most in this world are going to be taken care of…yourself included, but Britt's got that covered. _

Santana smiled through her tears.

"I promise I'll be there for her, Q," she whispered. "No matter what it takes, I will be there for your little girl."

"_Finding new ways to hurt each other is what we're good at."_

_I used to read that quote and think of you, and our friendship. It's an understatement that we've been through the ringer together. We spent so much of high school fighting and it would have been so much easier if I had had you by my side the entire time. That remains one of my biggest regrets.  
_

_But you always came back to me.  
_

_I'll never let you go, Santana. Please don't let me go, either._

"_Because once upon a time, we were best friends. And, yes, there's a lot of bad stuff in between. But none of that matters right now, okay? You need me, I'm there. Anytime, any place, anywhere."_

_Now when I think of you, that's the quote that comes to mind. It's us, S. No matter what._

_I love you._

_Always, Q_

Finally, Santana reached the end of the letter. Setting it down next to the picture of Quinn and Beth, she walked out onto her front lawn and sat down in the grass. Leaning back until she was lying down, she gazed up at the perfect white clouds in the bright blue sky.

No tears fell from her eyes as thoughts of Quinn danced through her head. She had no idea how long she stayed in that position before she felt another person laying down next to her.

She turned her head and was met with Brittany's sweet blue eyes as the blonde took her hand and laced their fingers together.

"I got a letter from Q," Santana said eventually, and Brittany nodded. She didn't look surprised at all.

"I know. I got one, too."

Santana nodded and fell silent. She and Brittany looked up at the sky for several minutes before Santana spoke again spoke again.

"Do you think we'll be okay?"

Brittany met her gaze and smiled.

"Of course we will. Q wouldn't have it any other way."

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**Reviews are always appreciated. Next chapter will be up soon. **


	3. Chapter 2

**Thank you to those who have read and reviewed so far.**

**Author's Note - to clarify, in this story, Rachel and Finn never attempted to get married in high school and Quinn never had her accident. **

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Brittany wasn't at all surprised when she received a letter from Quinn a couple days after the blonde passed away. Quinn was always one for making sure everything was perfect; it didn't come as a shock to Brittany that Quinn continued to be a perfectionist even after she was gone. Of course she had to make sure that everyone would be okay after she died.

Brittany had been heartbroken and completely dismayed when she received the sad news about her best friend. She had been friends with Quinn since they were five years old and together, the two blondes and Santana had formed an incredibly tight trio.

Brittany knew she was different than other people. She had always known. Reading, writing, math…it had all seemed come so easily to the other children in school, whereas Brittany would spend hours pouring over her homework, not comprehending the words and numbers. Santana and Quinn alone were the two people who had never once questioned her academic abilities. They helped her study and made sure she was never too far behind them. She would never be able to thank them enough for that.

Besides, Brittany wasn't too upset about her struggles in school. She was a dancer at heart, and she knew that would be what she did for the rest of her life. Never mind not being able to multiply big numbers. She could nail a flawless triple pirouette without blinking an eye, and that's all that mattered to her.

Despite being the same age, Brittany had always viewed Quinn as an older sister. Though Santana was her real protector, fiercely and openly shielding her from all the hurt in the world, Quinn had her own quiet way of making Brittany feel safe.

That said, a smile blossomed on Brittany's face when she reached into the mailbox and pulled out a white envelope with her name written in Quinn's handwriting on the front.

Plopping down happily and leaning against the post of the mailbox, she carefully opened the envelope and began to read Quinn's letter.

_Britts,  
_

_First of all, let me just say how incredibly sorry I am that I'm gone and that you have to pick up the pieces of the messes I'm leaving behind. Sometime I worry that it will be too much for you to handle. But then again, you've always been a lot stronger and smarter than I have. I know you'll be okay._

_Since the second you first smiled at me in kindergarten, you have been a constant source of happiness for me. If Santana is my hurricane, crashing through my life and always bringing with her a storm of emotions, you are the ever-calm eye of that storm, providing a sense of familiarity and stability. Brittany, you have been like home to me since we were five years old. You make me feel safe, and you are forever the most comforting person in the world to be with._

_One of my favorite memories of us is from third grade. Do you remember?_

Brittany laughed delightedly. She immediately knew exactly what memory Quinn was talking about. It had always been one of her favorites, too.

_I was having a bad day because things weren't going great at home – were they ever back then? I was sitting away from all the other kids during free time in the classroom because I just wanted to be alone. _

_You of course, never one to ignore me, came up to me immediately after noticing. I even remember what you were wearing…that bright blue sundress that so perfectly matched your sapphire eyes._

"_What's wrong, Q?" you asked me, clearly concerned. _

"_Nothing," I replied, wanting you to leave me alone. "I'm just sad."_

"_Why are you sad?" you pressed on, not giving up. You've never once given up on me._

"_Because I feel like it."_

"_Why do you feel like it?"_

"_Because I just do," I snapped, tired of the conversation going around in circles._

_You took in my snarky response and wrinkled your nose._

"_Well no offense, Q, but that's super weird. Why be sad when you could smile?"_

_My eyes met yours and you gave me the sweetest smile I'd ever seen and I started to cry because never before had anyone shown such simple care towards me._

_You, of course, were horrified by my reaction._

"_Oh my god! I'm so sorry, Quinn, I didn't mean to make you cry!" And with that, you immediately started to cry, too._

"_Why are you crying?" I asked brokenly through my tears._

"_I don't know," you sniffled, as your own tears went down your face._

_We gazed at each others tear-stained cheeks and sad eyes and all of the sudden, I started to giggle. I couldn't help it. Your eyes widened as my laughter grew stronger and then you started to giggle, too. Before I knew it, we were both collapsed on the floor, laughing so hard we could barely breathe. _

_Santana rushed over to make sure we were okay and stood there confused as we continued to laugh, unable to get any words out. Finally, she threw her hands up and pronounced us hopeless before going back to her game of monopoly._

_I can't tell you how many times I've been sad and I've thought of that memory and your words and smiled. You have always been and will always be my sunshine, B. _

Brittany smiled down at the letter, happy tears in her bright blue eyes.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine," she sang softly to herself. "You make me happy, when skies are gray…"

She closed her eyes and let the tears fall. She felt the sun beating down on her, warming her skin. A light breeze blew by and Brittany could have sworn she caught a hint of Quinn's sweet, familiar scent.

"You get to be my sunshine now, Q," she said softly.

_I am so worried about Santana. You and I know better than anyone else how vulnerable she really is. She tries to be so strong all the time, but she keeps her real feelings bottled up inside. My death, this whole situation…it's going to wreck her, Britt. I picture her shutting down, you trying to comfort her, her not responding and my heart breaks._

_I know I don't have to ask because you'll do it anyways, but please take care of S for me._

_If you could just check in with everybody else once in awhile, especially Rachel and Puck and…Beth, that would be an immense comfort to me. I know it's unfair of me to ask so much of you, but I see you handling this whole ordeal the best. You'll be sad, of course, but I know you'll be okay enough to make sure everyone else is, too._

"I'll take care of them, Q," Brittany murmured. "I promise.

_Speaking of Beth, my second Baby B because you will always be first, I'm sure it will come as no surprise to you that I stayed in touch with Shelby. In fact, I wouldn't be shocked in the slightest if you already knew that. You have always known things that the rest of us can't seem to catch onto. _

_I have a favor to ask of you concerning Beth. If you're up to it and if Shelby says it's okay and if Beth wants it, I want you to give her dance lessons. You are such a bright light in the darkness, Britt. I want Beth to grow up learning not only how to dance from you, but how to love as purely and simply as you do. Even if she doesn't want the dance lessons, though for some reason I have a feeling she will, I'd love for you to be a presence in her life._

_Her seventh birthday is coming up, you know. It's the first of countless life events that I'm going to miss. That knowledge is crushing me, but knowing that she'll have you and San and the others I've asked to keep an eye on her is comforting. She's going to grow up surrounded by nothing but love and that's all I've ever wanted for her._

Of course Brittany had known that Quinn stayed in touch with Shelby. That's why the blonde never spoke about her baby; she didn't want anyone figuring it out before she was ready to tell them.

But Brittany had always been able to tell. The very few, rare times Quinn had mentioned Beth, her eyes had lit up and somehow Brittany had just known that Quinn was part of her daughter's life.

Her heart fluttered excitedly at the thought of getting to meet Beth and teaching her how to dance. It would be like having a little Quinn around.

Brittany smiled knowingly. This was Quinn's way of keeping herself in her friends' lives – through Beth.

They weren't losing Quinn, after all.

_I have so many favors to ask of you, B, and it's so unfair of me to do that to you. I fear this will weigh down on you like nothing has before, and I don't ever wan to be the reason you stop smiling. But I'm so anxious about having to leave everyone I love, I don't know who else to turn to.  
_

_I'm worried about Puck. He pretends to be so tough, but he's almost as broken as I am on the inside. Growing up with Noah Puckerman was a challenge, no doubt. But it was such a blessing at the same time. I got to watch him grow into a man, and we all saw how much he changed after Beth was born._

_The only way I can even begin to describe my relationship with him is forever. No matter how many other people we saw or experimented with, Puck and I have always seemed to have a way of finding our way back to each other. Maybe it's because of the tie we feel to Beth. Maybe it's because once you go through something like we went through together when we gave her up, you're connected to that person forever._

_Puck is my forever boyfriend._

_Losing me is going to be so hard for him. First he lost Finn, his best friend. And now he's losing me, his girl. I'm scared about how he's going to react; how he's going to take it. But at the same time, I know he's going to be okay. He has Beth to live for. He has you and the others to keep him grounded. But still…if you'd keep an extra eye on him for just awhile, I would appreciate it._

Brittany nodded to herself. She knew that Quinn and Puck had always loved each other. They were like two pieces of a puzzle – they fit together.

_I have one more favor to ask right now, Britts._

_I tortured Rachel Berry relentlessly for our first two years of high school. You know that. And once again, I wouldn't be at all surprised if you already knew why. But I'll tell you anyways, just in case you don't know. _

Brittany's smile grew – she knew was what coming. She had known for a long time.

_I love Rachel._

_At the start of junior year, I found her in the bathroom after she got slushied. When she turned at the sound of the door opening and saw that it was me, the look in her eyes killed me. She didn't look mad or hateful or at all how you'd expect a person to look after being pelted with flavored, icy slush._

_She didn't look any of those things. She just looked sad._

_As I stood there looking at her, covered in cherry slushy, my heart broke. I looked into her sad brown eyes until I couldn't take it anymore, and I kissed her. I locked the bathroom door, walked right up to her, cupped her face in my hands, and kissed her._

_You're smiling, aren't you, B._

A happy giggle escaped Brittany lips.

"You know I am, Q."

_Her lips were so soft and she tasted like artificial cherries. She wrapped her arms around my waist as I tangled my fingers into her wet, sticky hair and pulled her closer, deepening the kiss._

_It was perfect._

_When I finally pulled away, I took in her assaulted lips and dark eyes and I started to cry._

"_I'm so sorry," I choked out, tears running down my face. _

_She pulled me back in and brought our faces close together. Our lips were barely an inch apart._

"_I'm not," she whispered, before gently pressing our lips together in the sweetest, softest kiss I had ever felt._

_After that day, we spent countless afternoons in her room, swapping gossip about school, plans for the future, and lazy kisses. The only people who knew about our little relationship were Rachel's dads. Both they and Rachel understood why I couldn't be public about her and I, and to my surprise, Rachel never pushed me on it.  
_

_Rachel's house became our safe haven. We went on secret dates, driving past the city limits of Lima to small restaurants and hidden parks. It was exciting and daring, sweet and simple. It went on for the majority of that year, before we ended things._

_Our break-up was completely mutual. We loved each other, but we had other things that deserved our full focus and attention. Come senior year, Rachel would be busy with NYADA auditions and plans for New York, while I would need time to perfect my application to Yale._

_Our last date was perfect and bittersweet. _

_We drove to our favorite park and walked through it, holding hands and not saying much. Words weren't needed. I was sad, but not heartbroken. I knew she felt the same. We had always known it wouldn't last forever. Ending it was the right decision, and I was - I am - grateful for the time we had spent together. _

_As we walked through the park and around the pond, Rachel sang to me, keeping her voice quiet so that only I could hear. Occasionally I joined in, sometimes I hummed along with the melody, and other times I simply listened to the sound of her singing.  
_

_It's my favorite sound in the world.  
_

_Before we left, I gave Rachel a necklace. Two charms hung from the delicate golden chain – a little red and white pompom and a tiny golden star. Our relationship forever represented._

"_With this necklace, I, Quinn Fabray, thank you for the past 9 months of happiness. I treasure the time we have spent together. And I promise to never forget."_

_Tears filled Rachel's sweet brown eyes. She looked around for inspiration and her eyes lit up when she found it. Running over to a nearby rose bush, she picked one of the flowers and brought it back to me. It was a perfect red rose._

"_With this flower, I, Rachel Barbra Berry, thank you for the past 9 months of happiness. The memories we have created will never escape my heart. I love you, Quinn, and I always will."_

_I placed the necklace in her hand as she gave me the rose. We sealed our final moments together with a tearful but smiling kiss before driving home._

_As you know, Rachel went on to fulfill her dreams at NYADA after we graduated and I took off to Yale. We kept in touch and stayed close friends. She fell in love with Finn again. I eventually found my way back to Puck._

_But I never have and never will forget the brief love we shared._

_I once promised Rachel that I would send flowers to her before every performance that I couldn't be at. But I can't do that anymore._

_If it's not too much to ask, which I know it is, I'd like you to send Rachel a single red rose the night of each debut she has. I have no doubt she'll be in countless shows, movies, maybe more. Whether it's an opening night, movie premiere, or album debut party, she deserves to know that I'm still thinking about her and that I'm still proud._

_She'll know that they're from me._

Brittany wiped more happy tears from her eyes. Of course she would send Rachel the roses.

She had known for a long time that the only reason Quinn was so mean to Rachel was because she secretly loved her. She saw the looks the blonde threw the tiny diva when she thought no one was looking.

Finally getting confirmation that the two girls had, in fact, shared a small relationship made Brittany's heart ache with pride for Quinn.

_Thank you so much for being there for me for so many years, Britt. I can't tell you how much your smiles have meant to me. You have helped me get through so much and I am so sorry I have to leave you behind._

_One of the only things that make this easier for me is the knowledge that you will be there to take care of the people I love. You'll all be okay. I know you will._

_Brittany, you have a heart as big as the sun and I am so thankful that you let me into you life. I don't have the words to tell you how truly special you are. The others are so, so lucky to have you.  
_

_I love you, little duckling, so much more than I could ever possibly put into words. You will always be my Baby B. _

_All my love, Quinn_

_P.S. I'm almost positive that Santana opened her letter today, which means she disregarded the date I wrote on the front of the envelope. It's okay; I saw that coming. If you could check on her...but then again, I already know you will.  
_

_I love you._

Standing up and folding Quinn's letter, Brittany blew a kiss into the clouds.

"I love you too, big sis Q."

She put the letter inside the house and put on a pair of flip flops. As Brittany made her way to Santana's house, a few blocks away, she smiled to herself.

They would be okay.

* * *

**I hope you've enjoyed it so far! Reviews are always appreciated. Chapter 3 should be up soon. **


	4. Chapter 3

**Thank you for the follows and reviews I've received so far. All are welcomed and appreciated.**

**Author's Note - In this story, I've created my own version of what happened when Quinn got pregnant, how she told her parents, who she stayed with, etc.**

* * *

When Rachel received the news about Quinn, she felt completely wrecked.

It was like someone had punched her in the stomach with an iron fist. She temporarily forgot how to breathe and it was only collapsing into a heap on the floor that brought her back to her senses.

She had sucked in a deep, shuddering breath and proceeded to sob.

Quinn, her cheerleader, her forbidden love, once-in-a-lifetime romance was dead.

She was gone, and Rachel would never see her again.

She would never see that soft smile or kiss those pouty lips or hear that breathy voice or run her fingers through that silky blonde hair again. It had been a long time since her and Quinn had ended their relationship, but she had never forgotten it and a part of her would always belong to the blonde.

As soon as her flight landed in Lima and her fathers took her home, she drove herself to Puck's house and threw herself into his arms. They had cried together for hours.

"Noah," she choked out finally, her own voice sounding strange to her after staying silent for so long. "I feel like part of my heart has been ripped out and destroyed."

Puck remained silent, staring at the floor.

"Noah?"

Nothing.

"NOAH!" Rachel cried out, beginning to sob hysterically. He finally turned to her, and the look on his face was one that Rachel would never forget.

His eyes were red, his face streaked with tears. But his expression was dead,

"She's gone," he whispered, a storm of emotion blowing through his eyes and his face finally breaking into the most unbearable sadness Rachel had ever seen.

She had spent the night with him. Together, they lied on the bed and held hands. Never sleeping, they went back and forth between crying and comforting each other.

The funeral was awful.

A week after tragedy struck, Rachel got her letter.

She had been out on a walk, hoping for distraction. When she returned to her house, there was a white envelope with her name written on it in Quinn's handwriting.

She almost collapsed again.

With trembling hands, Rachel picked up the envelope and took it inside. She stumbled her way into her room and sat down on the bed, not knowing what to think.

She was terrified to open the letter.

But she had to.

Slowly, Rachel tore open the envelope and taking a deep breath, she began to read.

_Rachel, my beautiful shining star,_

_Once upon a time, I hated you. Throughout freshmen and the majority of sophomore year, I relentlessly tortured you. I ordered football players to throw slushies in your face, I christened you with vile nicknames, and I threw insults your way like poison darts, all purely out of spite. I was the head cheerleader, the head bitch in charge, and you were nothing but another loser who was blocking my path to popularity._

_Right? Isn't that how the story goes?_

Rachel was immediately thrown back into freshmen year. She closed her eyes and could so perfectly picture Quinn parading down the hall, flanked by Santana and Brittany, all clad in their Cheerio uniforms.

_No._

_Not right._

_Wrong._

_So incredibly wrong._

_Do you know why I was so awful to you, Rach? I know I've mumbled sorry excuses for my behavior in the past and you've just brushed them all away, saying you've forgiven me, but it's high time you knew the truth – do you have any idea why I hated you for so long?_

_Well, let me enlighten you on something, Rachel Barbra Berry. Contrary to very popular opinion and belief, I have never once in my life hated you. To be completely honest, I think I loved you from day one. I've always had a bad habit of wanting the things I can't have, and I absolutely could not have you._

_Despite how many times I said it, though more to convince myself than anyone else, I didn't hate you, Rachel._

_I never have._

_That said, I despised what you had. I hated the things you had that I didn't._

_You had self-confidence, whereas I had a pretty girl mask that covered up how insecure I really was. You were comfortable enough in your own skin to love yourself, whereas I loathed and hated who I was._

_But most of all, you have the one thing in the world I wanted more than anything else and the one thing I knew I would never had.  
_

_Parents who loved you.  
_

_You had two loving, adoring fathers who tried their hardest to protect you from all the hurt in the world. I had a father who abused me, and a mother that did nothing to stop him and instead chose to cower behind him._

Rachel gasped in shock, looking up from the paper and closing her eyes.

Of course, she has always secretly suspected there was something going on with Quinn's family but this - she didn't want to read anymore. If Quinn's father had truly abused her, Rachel didn't think she could bear to read the details.

But she had to.

She had to keep reading.

_For my entire life, I have been told that I am beautiful and that I am perfect. I heard it from my mother, who trained be in the ways of beauty and taught me how to control my emotions, meaning there were to be no emotions in the Fabray household. I heard it mockingly from my sister, who loathed me because I was the favorite, even though I despised the spotlight and wished she could see that. I heard it from people at school, people in the streets, the men from my father's office when they came over for dinner, and the women in my mother's book club who stopped by every week for tea and cookies._

_But most of all, I heard it was from my father, who set his utmost highest expectations for me. I was raised, practically bred, to be the perfect daughter – blonde, pretty, quiet unless spoken to. I was to be Daddy's little princess and if I wasn't, there was always a price to pay._

_Let me be clear – my father did not physically abuse me. He smacked me across my face exactly once, when he found out that I was pregnant. But that was the only time and believe me, I considered myself lucky that a red cheek was the only physical mark I walked away from that conversation with._

_His style of abuse was all mental and emotional, full of sick and twisted mind games that I never wanted to play. He made me hate the person I was and there was nothing I could do to stop him. My father expected perfection and nothing less._

_He used religion, "Consider yourself blessed that God created and intended for you to be perfect, Quinn."_

_He used school, "There better be straight A's on that report card, Quinn."_

_He used cheerleading, "I expect you to come home from tryouts as the new head cheerleader and lead the team to victory, Quinn," _

_For fifteen years, that was my life; nothing but expectations of perfection. If I didn't deliver, I suffered the consequences. Yelling. Screaming. Threats. Insults. Slurred rants when he was drunk. And worst of all, in my adolescent eyes, that knowledge that I was a disappointment to my father._

_That was my life, and it very nearly destroyed me._

Tears filled Rachel's eyes and spilled over.

Finally. The truth.

The horrible, awful, eye-opening truth about the Quinn's childhood.

_So when you waltzed into my life on the first day of freshmen year, confident and friendly and from such a loving family, I knew that it was people like you who would be my downfall at school. You had a power that I didn't – you had love on your side, whereas all I had was my popularity._

_So I took it all out on you. I punished you. And for what? Things you had no control over.  
_

_I will never be able to apologize enough for what I did to you, Rachel. I am so, so sorry._

"I forgave you a long time ago," Rachel whispered, choking back more tears.

And it was true. Rachel had always known Quinn didn't simply hate her. A person does not outright hate someone with so much vigor for no reason. Quinn had always had a reason, and Rachel had always figured that it must be a damn good one for the way Quinn treated her.

And she was right. It was a good reason.

So, in all honesty, she had forgiven Quinn before the blonde ever even apologized.

_Everything changed when I got pregnant._

_Rach, I know you've experienced a lot of pain and fear in your life, a lot caused by me, but you cannot possibly imagine the sheer terror I felt when I found out I was pregnant._

_It wasn't supposed to happen to me. I was a good Christian, a good girl, Daddy's little angel-faced Quinnie. Not only had I gotten pregnant, meaning I'd sinned and had sex with someone before marriage, but I cheated on my boyfriend with his best friend. To have to deal with all that, on top of slowly starting to realize that I had feelings for you, another girl?_

_I really and truly almost ran away, Rachel. Even having absolutely nowhere to go would have been better than facing what I knew was to come._

_I would have run away if it hadn't been for her._

_For Beth._

_As I stood on my front porch, debating on what to do with my life, I looked down at my stomach and it hit me – even though it was too early for any physical signs of pregnancy to show, I was carrying a tiny little person inside of me. A tiny little Quinn._

_I started to imagine what she would look like. I always had a feeling she would be a girl. I pictured a miniature version of myself running around. Would she have blonde hair, or take after Puck in that department? What would her personality be like? Would she want to be a cheerleader, like me?_

_And all of the sudden, it wasn't just a baby inside of my stomach – she was my baby, my daughter, my perfect thing._

_Even though I knew from the beginning that I wouldn't be able to keep her, couldn't provide her with the life she deserved, I also knew that I couldn't run away. Running away would only put her life in danger and even on that first day, I already loved her too much to risk her health._

_So I marched inside, calmly told my parents that I was pregnant, and all hell broke loose._

_My father was livid. Furious. Enraged. And those are all understatements. He slapped my face so hard it left a bruise for two weeks. The small scar under my left eye? That's from one of his nails catching my cheekbone and breaking the skin. He told me I was no longer to call myself a Fabray, because I was no daughter of his. I looked to my mother but all she did was cry helplessly. My father told me I had 30 minutes to pack up my things before he kicked me out of the house._

_You have no idea what that felt like, Rachel. No one could ever even come close to feeling how I felt when my own parents disowned me at sixteen years old and left me homeless on the street._

It was so heart-breaking that Rachel allowed herself several moments to cry in pain for the beautiful, broken, abandoned blonde.

Life had been so unfair to Quinn Fabray.

_Naturally, I went to Finn's house first. He still believed it was his baby, and he and his mother graciously took me in. However, as soon as the truth came out, they felt no obligation to continue to provide a place for me to stay._

_I went to Mercedes next. We had never been the closest of friends, but I had seen sympathy on her face when you announced to all of glee that Puck was the father – and once again, no I'm not mad at you for that. You only did what I wasn't brave enough to do. However, Mrs. Jones wasn't a huge fan and I soon left on my own, not wanting to be a burden._

_That's when Puck brought me home to his house. Mercedes had taken it upon herself to call him after I left, and he picked me up from her front porch. We were silent in the car until finally, he spoke._

"_I may be a screw-up most of the time," he said quietly, looking straight ahead at the road as he drove. "But I promise if there's one thing I don't screw up, it will be this. I hurt you, Q, probably worse than you've ever been hurt and then I left you to deal with it on your own. I swear to God that I will never do that to you again. I will be here to support you and our daughter, no matter what happens."_

_Tears ran down his face as he spoke, and I felt my own eyes stinging. How do you respond to something like that? We both cried silently for several minutes before I found my voice._

"_So…you think she's going to be a girl, too?"_

_Puck glanced at me and I gave him a small shrug, smiling. He grinned and nodded._

"_Oh, yeah. No doubt. I can see her already – hot like her mama and a stud like her daddy. Little Jackie Daniels."_

_I smacked his arm._

"_We are NOT naming our child Jackie Daniels. That is just vile, Puck." _

_He chuckled and refused to reply. We fell into a comfortable silence before I spoke again._

"_You know we can't keep her, right?"_

_Puck was quiet for a few moments, his expression unreadable._

"_Yeah. I know," he said finally. "But you should know that…if things were different…timing, situation…"_

"_I know. Me, too."_

"_You, too?"_

"_Yeah_. _Me, too."_

_True to his word, Puck never left me to deal with anything on my own ever again. He took care of me throughout the entire pregnancy and was there every step of the way the night Beth was born. You were there; you all were. So you saw for yourself how much Puck grew up that night. He was a real man, and I was so proud of him._

As she read, Rachel's heart swelled with pride for Noah Puckerman. She had always known he'd had it in him to be the man she knew she was.

_Things got hard again after we gave her up._

_I was a mess; an emotional train wreck on the path to self-destruction. Careless to the point of recklessness. I started to drink, in an attempt to numb the pain I felt. Every second of every minute of every day, Beth was on my mind. I had thought nothing could ever hurt worse than my parents kicking me out, but giving up Beth proved that thought wrong. I have never been in so much emotional pain as I was in the first month after she was born. I drank myself into numbness more nights than I can count. _

_At one point, I remember thinking to myself, "Dying is probably less painful that this."_

_Here I am, five years later, dying. And you know what?_

_I was right. Even this hurts less._

_No one could help. No one knew what I was feeling. Not even Puck. He hadn't carried Beth inside of him for nine months. He didn't know what that was like. I refused to let anyone near me. I even lashed out at Santana and Brittany, who have been my best friends since I was five years old. _

_I'll be completely honest with you, Rachel…I was ready to die at that point._

_One thing pulled me out of my misery. Exactly one person was able to provide me with light again after I fell into a pit of darkness and despair._

_That person was you._

"Quinn," Rachel whispered, tears streaming down her face.

_The day I kissed you in the bathroom changed my entire life. I don't know why I did it; I probably never will. But for some reason, seeing your sad face after being slushied was my breaking point. It was as if finally I had something I could focus on besides Beth. I couldn't fix myself or my own problems. I couldn't take away my own pain._

_But I could take away yours._

_So I kissed you. I kissed you and you kissed me back. When I pulled away and started to cry and all you did was kiss me more, it was like I could finally breathe again._

_You saved my life, Rachel._

_As brief as it was, our love was real and true and the only thing that kept me alive after giving up Beth. I will never forget it. The memories I have with you are ones that I treasure in the deepest parts of my soul._

_A piece of my heart will always belong to you, Rachel._

Quinn's words were slowly starting to feel like a band-aid on her broken heart.

"I love you so much, Quinn," Rachel murmured. "You know you have my heart. You always have."

_I owe you my life and you owe me absolutely nothing. But I'm going to ask you to do me a favor, anyways. You don't have to do it, but I truly hope you take it into consideration._

_You know that I stayed in touch with Shelby. I know you think I don't know, but I do. I know it was you who overheard me speaking to her on the phone that day, right before Beth's second birthday._

_So, now that that knowledge is out in the open, I have a request. Beth is six now, about to turn seven. I'd love it if you gave her singing lessons. Nothing crazy – do not turn her into a little you. I mean this in the nicest way possible, but the world only has enough room for one Rachel Berry. _

_That said, she already has the speaking voice of an angel; I can only imagine what her singing voice will sound like. Teach her how to sing, Rachel. Pass onto her your love and enthusiasm not only for music, but for life. I want her to grow up with your confidence, your love for yourself, your passion for the things and people you love. _

_More than anything, I wish I could give her everything that my parents didn't give me. But I can't, so I'm hoping you'll help._

Already, Rachel knew she would fulfill Quinn's request. She had seen pictures of Beth via Shelby; the little girl was absolutely beautiful, and looked so much like a tiny version of Quinn that it was scary.

Beth was their little Quinn now.

"We'll take care of her," Rachel vowed. She had a vague feeling she wasn't the only person who had received a letter from the blonde and had an inkling that similar requests were made to the others, as well.

_There aren't words strong enough to tell you how much I admire and look up to you, Rachel. You are an inspiration. You are truly one in a million, and there will never be another person with a drive and love for life like yours._

_I'm sorry for the way I treated you for so long. I'm sorry for not being brave enough to give you the kind of love you deserved. I'm sorry for leaving you now the way I am._

_But I'm not sorry for kissing you._

_Not anymore._

_I love you, Rachel. Always have. Always will._

_Forever yours, Quinn_

Rachel finished reading the letter and was about to place it back in the envelope when she noticed there was something in it that she had missed taking out.

Upon discovering what it was, tears immediately spring into the tiny brunette's eyes.

It was a picture of her and Quinn, captured by one of Rachel's fathers. Clearly, he had been sneaking around with his camera, because it appeared as though neither girl knew the picture was being taken and Rachel had no recollection of ever seeing it before.

They were sitting together on the Berry's living room couch. Rachel had her head resting on Quinn's shoulder as she watched whatever had been on the television. Quinn was looking down at her, that signature soft smile gracing her lips.

Rachel flipped the picture over and found a message on the back.

"_Sometimes, you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself."_

_Thank you for finding me when no one else could._

_Thank you for helping me find myself._

_I love you._

"I love you, too, Quinn," Rachel said softly, gazing down at the picture and the letter. "I love you, too."

* * *

**I've already started the next chapter so it should be up by tomorrow.**

**As always, reviews are appreciated. Hope you enjoyed it! **


	5. Chapter 4

**Hi, everyone! Sorry for the delay, life got hectic. **

**This chapter and the next are both very short because they're fillers - Puck needed to read his letter, and Santana needed to find out about Rachel and Quinn. Neither of those events required a lot of words, so you get these chapters together.**

**Author's Note - I don't know if I'm going to go into detail about Quinn's illness, but right now I'm leaning towards just keeping it vague.**

* * *

She'd written him a letter.

Of course she had. He knew she would.

Puck had watched Quinn write letters to the people she loved for months. He watched as she poured over them, her pen flying across the paper, painting out the words that her illness wouldn't allow her the time to say out loud.

He could still remember the day she had called him with the news that had changed his world forever.

"_I'm sick, Puck. I'm sick and I'm not going to get better. I need you to do something for me. No one can know. Please."_

He ran the entire way to the hospital. When Quinn had told him her plan, Puck had completely lost it.

"_Let me get this straight, Q. You're dying. You are going to die. I'm the only one you told, and you want me to keep it a secret. Instead of telling everyone like a normal fucking human being, you're going to write them all letters and you expect me to sneak around and deliver them?"_

_Quinn nodded._

"_More or less."_

_Puck threw his hands up in the air._

"_Are you fucking kidding me, Quinn? Do you know how fucked up that is? Do you know what people do when they're going to die? They tell the people they love because doing this? Keeping it a secret? That's so fucking unfair to every person that loves you. No! No. I'm not doing this. This is bullshit. I'm calling Santana right now and telling her to get her ass down here because we all know she's the only one who can talk sense into you."_

_Puck angrily reached for his phone, but froze when he felt Quinn's gentle hand on his arm._

"_Look at me, Puck."_

_He forced himself to look down at her beautiful hazel eyes, shining with unshed tears._

"_Please," she whispered._

_No. He couldn't do this. There was just no way in hell._

_But as he gazed into Quinn's wrecked eyes, he felt tears of his own streaming down his face._

_She looked so broken and so fucking small._

_His heart shattered._

_And he said yes._

Now, months later, she was gone. Quinn, his forever girl, was gone.

But she had written him a letter.

Quinn had painstakingly organized her letters into boxes, each marked with a specific date of delivery. Puck found the letter with his name on it at the bottom of the box, after leaving letters with Santana and Brittany and Rachel.

Of course. Even though he'd told her countless times she didn't need to write him one, she had done it anyways.

Typical Quinn.

Taking a deep breath, Puck opened the letter and began to read the words, all written in that all-too-familiar handwriting.

_Puck,_

_I know I promised I wouldn't write you a letter because you told me you didn't need one, but tough. I have a lot to say to you that you never allowed me to say out loud. Every time I tried to start, you cut me off and told me sweetly that you didn't need to hear my thanks or apologies. _

_But you do, Puck. You so do._

He could feel tears stinging his eyes. This was exactly why he hadn't wanted a letter.

_Don't worry; I'll keep it short and sweet. I saw how big your eyes got when you saw how long some of the letters were that I wrote. I won't make you concentrate for that long._

He choked out a laugh.

She knew him so well.

"_Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.__"_

_This is us, Puck._

_What we did the night I got pregnant was irresponsible. According to our faiths, it was sinful. It was stupid. It was reckless. It was an accident._

_But above all, it was irrational._

_Finding out I was pregnant was so painful. It meant I had gone against my religion. I had not only slept with someone before marriage, but I had cheated on my boyfriend with his best friend. I hurt Finn. I hurt my family. I hurt our friends._

_And I hurt you, Puck. And that is something I will regret and feel wrecked about for the rest of my life._

_I let people believe the baby was Finn's. It was the only thing I thought could make my awful situation somewhat better, because even though I was sixteen and pregnant, at least I hadn't cheated on my boyfriend, right? No one got hurt._

_Wrong._

_Every time I looked into your eyes before the truth came out, I saw how hurt you were. It cut me open like knives and left me to bleed._

_I am so sorry I shut you out, Puck. I've never regretted anything more than I regret hurting you the way I did._

_But I don't regret what we did._

_As painful as the whole experience was, I do not regret sleeping with you and getting pregnant. Every ounce of pain I felt was worth it when I saw Beth for the first time._

_We created a child together. We created Beth, our beautiful little girl; our beautiful little act of irrationality. _

"I've never regretted it, either," he murmured sadly. "I should've said it out loud. I'm sorry I didn't, Q. I'm so sorry."

_I'm thankful for a lot of people in this world, Puck. _

_I'm thankful for Santana, who has been my rock, my counterpart, my heart since we were five years old. She knows me better than anyone on this earth and has never failed to put herself between me and the world. _

_I'm thankful for Brittany, who is truly an angel God blessed us with. She had always provided a sense of calm, familiarity, and stability for me. She is our sun, and we're all just planets orbiting around her. If she's okay, we're all okay._

_I'm thankful for Rachel. If we're all planets and Brittany is the sun, Rachel is our bright and shining star. She lights up my world, and the worlds of people around her, with a light that can't ever be dimmed._

_I'm thankful for Shelby, the woman who took in our daughter when we couldn't provide her with the life she deserved. She will make sure Beth is loved for her entire life, and that's all I've ever wanted for her._

_I'm thankful for the glee club, for being the family I never had and always needed._

_I'm thankful for Beth, our perfect thing. She gave me a reason to live when I couldn't find one._

_But most of all, I'm thankful for you, Noah Puckerman. I'm thankful for the man you are. I'm thankful that you are the father of my child. I know you'll take care of her and give her the love that I can't._

Feeling completely destroyed, Puck closed his eyes briefly, taking in Quinn's words.

She was thankful for him.

_Quinn_ was thankful for him.

For so long, Puck had blamed himself for everything that happened between them. He had hurt Quinn so badly, and he knew that no matter what, he would feel guilty about that for the rest of his life.

But she forgave him, and she was thankful for him.

He turned back to the letter.

_You've seen me at my worst, and you still think I'm the best. Why that is, I have no idea, but you have never once failed to make me feel beautiful and loved and protected and for that, I owe you forever._

_I'm so sorry for leaving you like this, Puck. I don't know how to express how incredibly sorry I am that I can't give you the love you deserve._

_I'm sorry I can't give you forever._

_But know this, Noah. I'm your girl. I will always be your girl. Words fall short when I try to vocalize how much you mean to me, and leaving the people I love is breaking my heart, but my world is full of smiles knowing that they have you and you have Beth._

_I love you._

_Forever, Quinn _

Putting the letter in his pocket, Puck stood up and walked out of his house.

He walked without a destination in mind. His feet eventually led him to the McKinley football field, where he had played with the team and Quinn had cheered with the Cheerio squad.

Climbing up the stairs of the bleachers, Puck finally sat down on the top bench and looked down at the large expanse of grass, surrounded by a track.

He took out the letter and read it again.

It didn't matter that she was gone. No matter what, Quinn was his girl.

She was his forever.

Lifting his head, Puck smiled and for the first time since he was fifteen, he felt completely at peace.

* * *

**As always, reviews are appreciated.**


	6. Chapter 5

**As stated before, this chapter and the last were short fillers. The next chapter will be longer.**

**Author's Note - I do feel the need to apologize to all the people who have reviewed so far, because the majority of you have claimed to cry while reading! This is a sad story right now, obviously, but I didn't think it was sad enough to produce tears. Thank you all so much for the sweet things you've said about Letters From Quinn so far. I heart you guys.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"Do you think that we're the only ones who got letters?"

Brittany turned at Santana's question and shook her head, regarding the girl with an amused expression.

"Not for a minute, and I know you don't either, San," she said with a smile. "Come on, you know Q. She will have made sure everyone that meant something to her was taken care of. I'm sure wrote loads to Beth, at least one to Shelby, Puck must have gotten one, and I wouldn't be surprised at all if Rachel got one, too."

"Really? Rachel?" Santana's eyebrows quirked, "What makes you say that? I mean, I know her and Q were tight so maybe it's not so out-of-the-blue."

Brittany bit her bottom lip, trying not to smile.

"Remember what I told you a super long time ago, when I said I figured out why Q was always so mean to Rachel?"

Santana looked confused, and Brittany waited for the other girl's memory to click. When it did several seconds later, Santana's eyes grew comically wide.

"No way."

Brittany couldn't hold back any longer and grinned wickedly.

"Yep."

"Q and _Rachel_?"

Brittany giggled and nodded.

"Oh my god, that explains so much! Holy shit, everything makes so much sense now. The relentless bullying for so long, the totally sudden what-the-fuck best friendship, and the way they kept in touch in college…oh my god. You were right all along, Britt. Of course you were right."

"I know, San. How sweet is that?"

"Details, Britt. When was it? How long?"

"Junior year," Brittany sighed. "For basically the entire school year before they both agreed to call it off. It's so sad; San, their story is so heartbreaking."

"How did you find out?"

Brittany took Quinn's letter out of her pocket and Santana nodded in understanding.

"Can I read it? The part about Rachel?"

The blonde girl unfolded the letter and handed Santana the page that contained Quinn and Rachel's love story.

Santana read it carefully and when she finally looked up, her dark eyes were sad.

"Wow."

"I know," Brittany murmured.

"Britt…did your letter say anything about Beth?"

Brittany smiled again, her bright blue eyes lighting up.

"Q wants me to teach Beth how to dance!"

Santana nodded, more to herself than to Brittany.

"I figured as much. She…she asked me to look out for Beth; to be there for her while she's growing up."

Brittany could hear the hesitation in her best friend's voice.

"But?" she asked gently.

"But," Santana said in a quiet voice, looking down, "I don't know if I can do it. I mean, don't get me wrong – I want to. I want to be able to take care of Q's daughter more than anything in the world. But I'm so scared, Britt. I know that little girl is going to look exactly like Quinn, and I wouldn't be surprised if she acted like her, too. What if," she whispered in a choked voice, "What if it's too painful?"

Brittany's heart clenched and she wrapped her arms around Santana, pressing a feather-light kiss to the other girl's temple.

"Don't be scared, San," she said softly. "Think of it this way – we've been blessed with a beautiful little girl; a beautiful little Quinn. This is Q's way of making sure we still have a piece of her with us. We get to help raise her precious little baby."

Santana's eyes welled up with tears as she took in Brittany's words and sank further into the blonde's embrace.

"After I read the letter," she whispered brokenly, "even though part of me is terrified, I promised Q that I would protect Beth and be there for her no matter what."

"It'll be okay, San," Brittany said, stroking Santana's hair. "I have a feeling that Q asked Rachel to do the same, and obviously Puck will be a big part of Beth's life, too. We're all going to be there for each other and for Beth; I think we owe that much to Quinn."

Santana wiped her eyes and nodded, sitting up and knowing that, as per usual, Brittany was right. She offered the blonde a tiny smile, and Brittany pressed her lips gently against Santana's in the sweetest of kisses.

"To Rachel?" Brittany whispered when they broke apart, and Santana nodded.

"To Rachel."

* * *

**See? Painfully short. Next chapter should be up in the next couple days.**

**Reviews always appreciated. **


	7. Chapter 6

**This isn't really much longer, and I'm sorry for that. But it's kind of another filler. Next chapter, the three girls will interact with Puck and finally get to meet little Beth. Sorry for the wait!**

**Thank you so much for the reviews, I love you guys.**

* * *

When Santana and Brittany arrived at the Berry household, Santana was slightly was slightly alarmed to see that the front door was wide open.

"What the fuck?" she said, frowning, and turned to Brittany. "Do you think she's here? I mean, who just leaves the door open?"

Brittany shrugged and replied, "There's only one way to find out," before walking up the porch steps and entering the house with Santana trailing uncertainly behind her.

At first, it was deadly quiet – quiet enough to make Santana antsy.

"I don't think anyone's here, Britt," she whispered. "Maybe Rach left and just forgot to close the—"

"Sshhh," Brittany shushed her, a smile beginning to dance on her lips. "Listen."

Santana eyebrows furrowed and her frowned deepened as she strained her ears. Sure enough, she could hear the faint sound of snoring coming from up the stairs.

She snorted.

"Of course," she said, shaking her head knowingly. "Only Rachel would fall asleep with her front door open to the world."

Brittany laughed and tugged Santana's hand.

"Come on," she giggled. "Let's go find her."

Together the girls crept upstairs and it was all Santana could do not to sigh in exasperation at the sight of Rachel's door, covered in pink paint and gold stars. She and Brittany entered the room and were greeted with the sight of a sleeping Rachel curled up on the bed, snoring on top of a few crumpled pieces of paper.

Of course. So typical.

Santana walked across the room and gazed down at the small brunette.

"Tiny nap princess," she murmured affectionately, and Brittany smiled.

Just like with Quinn, Brittany had always known that Santana secretly liked Rachel. She had only been mean to her for so long because Santana took her orders at school from Quinn, and the blonde had always made it clear – until sophomore year – that Rachel was dirt beneath their feet and was to be treated as such.

But Brittany could tell that Santana liked Rachel. It had just taken her awhile to admit it.

She watched as Santana sat down on the bed beside Rachel's sleeping form and reached out, brushing Rachel's long dark hair out of her face.

"Rachel," Santana said softly, leaning down and pressing a gentle kiss against Rachel's forehead.

Rachel's eyes fluttered open, and she looked up at Santana in sleepy confusion.

"Santana?" she mumbled, swiveling her head and catching sight of Brittany standing in the doorway, watching them. "Brittany? What are you doing here? How did you—"

"You left the front door open, Sleeping Beauty," Santana smirked, cutting her off and Rachel scowled, giving her a light shove.

Santana laughed and Rachel crossed her arms, sticking her tongue out and refusing to drop the act until she heard Brittany start to giggle. She finally gave up and gave them a rueful smile.

"Okay, okay, so I may be prone to falling asleep on the spot and without warning," she admitted, grumbling playfully. "Seriously though, what are you guys doing here?"

The smile faded from Brittany's face.

"We both got letters from Q," she said quietly. "And—"

"And it looks like you got one, too," Santana finished for her, gesturing to the letter spread out on Rachel's bed.

Rachel nodded in understanding, her brown eyes sad.

"I figured you two would get letters as well," she murmured. "You were her best friends after all. It must seem weird to you that I got one, too."

Brittany crossed the room and joined Rachel and Santana, sitting down on the bed.

"Rach," she said softly. "Q told me about you and her, and San knows, too. You don't have to pretend and hide it anymore. It's okay."

Rachel's eyes widened.

"You both know?"

"Well, to be fair, I just found out. But Britt's known forever, she called it like the first week of ninth grade. I never believed her until she showed me the letter Q wrote to her."

"What was in the letter?" Rachel asked, her voice trembling.

Brittany wrapped her arms around Rachel.

"Your love story," she answered simply, and that was all it took for Rachel to burst into tears.

* * *

An hour later, the three girls had relocated to the Berry's kitchen. Brittany and Santana were sat at the island while they watched Rachel bustle around; recounting the relationship she had shared with Quinn.

"I never knew I was even remotely attracted to girls until I saw Quinn for the first time," Rachel informed them as she pulled vegetables out of the fridge. "It had always been boys. But the second I saw her on the first day of freshmen year…wow."

Santana snorted knowingly.

"Yeah, Q always had that affect on people," she smirked. "Didn't matter if a person was gay, straight, black, white, human, or alien – nothing and nobody was immune to the Fabray charm."

"Yes, well," Rachel laughed. "Imagine how it felt to go the first fourteen years of your life thinking you were straight and then BAM – the first day of high school, you're faced with the most inhumanely gorgeous girl on the planet. Plus let's not forget, not only was Quinn beautiful, but she was also the head cheerleader, the most popular girl in school, was dating the boy I was in love with at the time, and hated me for no reason. You can understand why I was confused."

She grabbed a few bowls from the cabinet and continued to talk.

"Quinn did such awful things to me for that first year and a half. She drew pornographic, degrading pictures of me in the bathroom. She left horrible comments on my MySpace videos. She made up offensive nicknames for me, and yelled insults at me in the hallways and during class. I had no idea what was going on in my head. Why would I ever have feelings for someone who tortured me relentlessly?"

"I bet I know why," Santana muttered wickedly, "Never pegged you as the punishment type." She winked suggestively, and Brittany gently nudged her when Rachel blushed.

"Go on, Rach," she encouraged, giving Santana a look.

"Anyways," Rachel continued, glaring playfully at Santana. "Quinn calmed down a lot after she had Beth. She ceased the abuse. She was nicer to me. We were almost friends. But I _never _had any idea that she felt the same way until the day that she kissed me. It was…" she drifted off, a faraway expression in her eyes.

"What, Rachel?" Brittany asked gently, smiling.

"It was perfect," Rachel admitted. "She was perfect. She loved me. I loved her. I didn't really care that we had to keep it a secret; all that mattered was that I knew I held the heart of the head Cheerio. For a year, she was mine and I was hers…"

Rachel drifted off again, a memory playing in her mind.

"_But why, Quinn? Why can't we at least tell the people in Glee?" _

_Quinn threw up her hands, beyond frustrated._

"_Rach, you said you understood! You said you were okay with this and that you'd prefer we not tell anyone!"_

"_That's not enough for me anymore!" Rachel exploded angrily. "Quinn, I love you but I need more than stolen kisses and secret dates." _

_Quinn flew backwards, her eyes wide._

"_What…" she choked out, "What did you just say?"_

_Rachel frowned and replayed her words in her head. When she realized what she had said, she froze._

_She had told Quinn she loved her._

_She had just told Quinn Fabray that she loved her._

_They had been doing their little dance for two months now, and neither of them had ever said those three little words. _

_Until now._

"_You…you love me?" _

_Rachel gazed into Quinn's shocked, scared, emotional eyes and felt her heart squeeze._

"_I…" she said, swallowing hard, "Yes. I do. I love you, Quinn. I don't need to hear you say it back. You don't need to feel the same way. I don't—mmm."_

_Rachel's shaky words were cut off as Quinn crashed their lips together, pulling Rachel into a searing, passionate kiss. The blonde fisted her hands into Rachel's hair and Rachel moaned, wrapping her arms around Quinn's slender waist. Quinn's tongue snaked out and caressed Rachel's bottom lip before she finally slowed her kisses and pulled away from the smaller girl._

"_I love you, too," she whispered, and Rachel's heart skipped a beat._

_Quinn loved her._

"_I'm so sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry for the fight. I'm sorry about what I said. I know why we can't tell. I don't care. You are enough for me. This is enough. You are enough. I love you."_

_Quinn cupped Rachel's face in her hands._

"_I love you, Rachel," she murmured, before capturing Rachel's lips in another kiss._

_Rachel allowed herself to get lost in the feel of Quinn's pouty lips and soft caresses and suddenly, it didn't matter that no one could know about them and that they would have to stick with driving out of town for dates and stealing kisses in the school bathrooms._

_This was enough for her._

_Quinn was enough._

"Rach?"

Rachel's head snapped up at the sound of Brittany's voice. Santana was regarding her with a knowing expression and as she looked into Brittany's sweet blue eyes, she gave the two girls a small, sad smile.

"Sorry," she said softly.

Brittany shook her head.

"Don't be," she said. "Slight change of subject though; did Q say anything about Beth in the letter she wrote you?"

Rachel nodded, a shy smile creeping onto her face.

"She asked me, if Beth wants it, to give her singing lessons."

"No way!" Brittany beamed. "Really? That's so cool! She asked me to give Beth dance lessons! This is going to be way awesome; we have to talk to Puck about going to meet her soon."

Rachel laughed delightedly; Brittany's enthusiasm was infectious.

"I know! Once I got over the initial shock of the letter, I reread it and I'm tremendously excited to meet Quinn's daughter. I can't imagine what she'll look like—"

"Quinn described her to me."

Rachel swiveled her head and looked at Santana, who had an unreadable expression on her face.

"She has dark brown hair. Puck's hair. And his smile. But her skin? Her facial features? Her eyes?" Santana shook her head. "All Quinn."

Rachel took one look at Brittany's sad eyes as she watched Santana speak and understood at once what was going on.

Santana was scared – terrified – of meeting Beth because the little girl was going to look exactly like her mother. Santana had known Quinn since she was five years old. Seeing Beth would be like an emotional slap in the face; a cruel trip back in time to the day Santana had met Quinn.

"Santana…" Rachel murmured. "You know Beth isn't Quinn, right? She may look just like her, but this little girl is not her mother. She's not Quinn. She's just a piece of her that Quinn left behind for us to love. Forming a bond with Beth isn't going to replace what you had with Quinn."

Tears filled Brittany's eyes as she watched Rachel wrap her arms around Santana. The taller girl closed her eyes and tears slipped down her face. Brittany hugged Santana from the other side and the three girls sat their in silence, crying into each other.

Finally, Brittany released her hold on Santana and Rachel did the same. The little brunette wiped her eyes and gave her companions a watery smile.

"We have to find Puck," she said, and Brittany nodded in agreement. "He has to be there when we go see Beth."

They both turned to Santana, who gazed back at them until she finally nodded, too.

"I don't…" she choked out, "I don't know if I'm ready to do this."

Rachel stayed back as Brittany pressed a firm kiss against Santana's lips. Pulling away, she smiled at her girl.

"You are Santana Lopez. You were born ready. You can do this for our best friend."

Santana's wrecked face finally broke into a smile as she gazed into Brittany's sparkling eyes. She turned and saw Rachel watching them with a smile on her face.

"Come here, nap princess."

Rachel rejoined them, and Santana kissed her on the cheek, causing the smaller girl to blush.

"Let's call Puck," Brittany suggested, smiling at the two girls. "I know this is going to be super crazy and exciting and scary, but we'll get through it together. For Q, right?"

Rachel nodded, and Santana spoke her affirmation.

"For Q."

* * *

**Reviews are much appreciated. The next chapter will be up in the next couple days.**

**Up next? Puck and Beth! **


	8. Chapter 7

**Sorry for the delay! I was out of town over the weekend and didn't have my laptop with me.**

**But here it is! Meeting Beth. Hope it was worth the wait.**

**Clarification - this story currently takes place during the summer; that's why none of them are in school right now.**

* * *

It was finally happening.

They were meeting Beth.

The little girl was seven years old. Puck called Shelby and made the arrangements. They set a date that worked for all of them, and now the moment had arrived.

Puck was both excited and anxious, as he knew he always would be when faced with seeing his daughter. He, of course, had spent a lot of time with Beth already but hadn't seen her since the little's girl's last visit to Quinn. He was thrilled and nervous to be seeing her again.

Rachel was a nervous wreck, not only about finally meeting Beth but about having to see Shelby, her own mother, interact with the woman's new child. The child she had adopted after giving up Rachel. Of course, they had reconnected after Rachel found Shelby when she was in high school and they had kept in touch from then on. But it was mostly through phone calls, emails, and texts. With Rachel in New York and Shelby in Lima, Rachel only saw her birth mother when she went home for holidays. Though their meetings always ended on a high note, the beginnings were always slightly strained.

For obvious reasons, things would always be tense between her and Shelby.

Brittany, predictably, was fine; she was by far the calmest. The blonde was happy and excited that they were finally getting to meet Beth, but she was also very scared for Santana's sake.

Speaking of, Brittany studied the dark-haired girl as the four of them made their way to Shelby's house – Puck driving, Rachel riding shotgun, and Brittany and Santana in the back.

Santana was emotionless. She had been extremely quiet for the duration of the car ride, save the few times she had snapped at Rachel to, _"calm your tits, ay dios mio, before I ends you."_ Her face was completely unreadable, even to Brittany. Rachel kept shooting the blonde anguished glances from the front seat, darting her eyes from Brittany to Santana, and all Brittany could do was shrug helplessly.

After an agonizing 30 minutes, they finally reached their destination. Puck parked his truck in front of a moderately-sized house and turned to the three girls in the car.

"Okay, hot babes. Shelby called me yesterday to give me a heads-up about Beth."

"A heads-up?" Rachel asked, immediately alarmed. "Why? Is something wrong? Is she okay? Did something –"

"Rach," Puck said, putting his hand on her arm. "Chill. She's fine. She's perfect. Shelby was just giving me a little warning on how Beth is going to act so we know what to be prepared for. Obviously I've spent a lot of time with Beth, too, but Shelby's with her every single day."

"Oh. Okay. And?"

"Beth is quiet. A little reserved. Super intelligent and intuitive already, hyper-aware and sensitive of everything and everyone around her. She doesn't talk unless she needs to, and when she does, we should just go with it. She might be shy, but she knows who we are – she knows me already and Shelby, Quinn, and I have all told her about you three. Shelby said it's best to just let Beth do her thing."

He pointed to Rachel.

"Don't do your huge smile, Rach, and don't go over-enthusiastic crazy on her. That's really advice for all of us. Let her come to you."

"That's so Quinn."

Everyone turned to Santana at the sound of her muttered words, and both Rachel and Puck felt their eyes stinging with tears as they watched Brittany wrap her arms around Santana.

"She's not Quinn, San. No one ever will be. She's not replacing your best friend. She's just giving you another piece of Quinn to love."

Santana closed her eyes briefly, and Brittany pressed a feather-light kiss to her lips. Puck and Rachel watched this, their hearts aching, and when Santana opened her eyes again, she nodded at her three companions.

"Let's go."

* * *

After the four young adults had walked into Shelby's house, the woman greeted them warmly, hugging each person in turn. She took in their tired, anxious, pain-stricken faces and sympathy flashed in her brown eyes that were so much like Rachel's.

"I'm so sorry for what all of you must be going through," she murmured, guiding them into the living room and gesturing for them to sit on various chairs and sofas. "I was devastated when I heard the news about Quinn. She was the bravest person I've ever known, and I owe Beth to her selflessness."

Rachel's eyes automatically welled up with tears, and Puck and Brittany both put their arms around her from where they sat on the couch, sandwiching her. Santana refused to sit and instead stood in front of the fire place.

Shelby locked eyes with Puck and they shared a sad smile. She clasped her hands together.

"Alright well, I won't keep you waiting any longer. Beth is upstairs in her room; I'll just go get her. She's been waiting for you to arrive."

Brittany grinned, Puck felt his stomach flutter, Rachel drew in a sharp breath of anticipation, and Santana did nothing.

Several minutes later, Shelby came back into the room holding hands with a little girl. The reactions were varied.

Puck's heart jumped into his throat as he gazed at his beautiful daughter.

Brittany beamed in delight at this tiny person who both was and was not Quinn.

Rachel's hand flew to her mouth.

Santana couldn't look at her.

Letting go of Beth's hand, Shelby turned to the child.

"Beth, this is—"

"I know who they are."

Brittany's heart squeezed. The little girl even _sounded_ like Quinn. Beth slowly walked over to her. Because Brittany was sitting on the couch, she was just below eye-level of the seven year-old. Beth gazed into Brittany's sweet blue eyes.

"You're Brittany."

"I am. And you're Beth."

Beth nodded. "You have hair like Quinn," she said in her soft, high-pitched, crystal clear voice. "Can I touch it?"

"Of course, but Quinn's hair was a lot prettier than mine, just like yours is."

Beth reached out and gently ran her fingers through Brittany's blonde ponytail, before self-consciously playing with a strand of her own dark hair hair.

"I got my daddy Noah's hair," she said shyly. Puck's heart clenched.

"You did," Brittany confirmed, smiling. "And it's beautiful. I've always loved dark brown hair."

"My mommy and Noah told me about you, but Quinn told me about you, too. I remember. She said you can dance. She said you were her first Baby B. I'm her second. Is that okay? Can we share?"

Brittany's heart broke open and she felt a wave of love for this child standing in front of her who was so very much like her Quinn.

"I may have known your mother before you were born, Beth, but you are much more important than I am. We are both Baby B, but you are always, always first," Brittany said gently. "And you were totally right about the dancing. I can teach you how to dance, if you want."

Beth nodded excitedly. "I want," she said eagerly. After a moment's pause, she once again gazed into Brittany's sapphire eyes with her own, and in them, Brittany saw a world of familiar hazel.

"Can I hug you, Brittany?"

Brittany opened her arms and the little girl stepped into them. Brittany felt happy tears stinging her eyes as she sent a prayer of thanks to Quinn.

_She's so beautiful, Q. Thank you for her.  
_

When Beth finally released Brittany, the little girl turned her attention to Rachel.

"Rachel?"

Rachel was both thrilled and terrified at being addressed.

"Yes," she confirmed, trembling slightly.

"You were my mommy's first baby. Her real baby. You look like her."

Rachel swallowed hard as she replied. "Yes, Beth, I was your mommy's first baby. I look like her, just like you look like Quinn."

Beth looked wistful. "Do I really look like her?" she asked, and Rachel nodded.

"Scarily so."

"But she was so pretty," Beth sighed. "I won't ever be like her."

Rachel shook her head at the little girl. "Beth, your mother was the prettiest girl I ever met. But she was so much more than her looks. You are every bit as beautiful as she was, inside and out. I promise."

Beth looked satisfied with that answer and moved on to her next question.

"So, you're my big sister?"

Rachel blanched at that and looked at Shelby, not knowing how to react. But her birth mother - her mom - gave her a nod, and Rachel turned back to Beth, giving her a sweet smile.

"Yes, Beth. I am your big sister."

Beth gave Rachel a hug before moving to stand in front of Puck.

"Hi, Daddy."

Because Beth had only been four the first time she met her father, she had automatically taken to calling him Daddy. Shelby didn't mind, so that's what Puck remained to Beth. He blinked rapidly to prevent his tears.

"Hi, squirt."

"I missed you. How come you didn't come visit?"

"I had to take care of Quinn. I'm sorry I didn't visit, kiddo. I promise to come see you a lot more now…now that…" Puck closed his eyes, unable to finish his sentence without choking on the words.

Beth reached out and put her tiny hand on Puck's cheek. He opened his eyes and stared into Beth's sad face.

"Do you miss her?"

He swallowed and nodded. "Every single day," he choked out, and all the adults in the room felt their hearts shatter.

A single tear rolled down Beth's face as she gazed into her father's eyes.

"Me, too," she whispered, throwing herself into Puck's arms. He cradled his little girl as they cried together for the first time over their shared loss. Brittany felt a crushing sadness. Shelby was destroyed watching the boy and her daughter cry together. Rachel couldn't stand to watch and buried herself in Brittany's shoulder.

And still, Santana did nothing but stare into the fireplace.

Eventually, Beth untangled herself from Puck. He wiped away her tears and kissed her forehead.

"We'll be alright," he murmured to her. "She's our angel now."

"Quinn is our angel? We have an angel?"

"Yes. We have the most beautiful angel in the world."

Beth gave Puck a sweet smile before finally walking over to Santana.

"Santana?"

They all saw Santana's back tense momentarily before the Latina finally turned and looked at the little girl for the first time.

"Beth."

Beth was silent. Then, "I don't know why because I know I don't know you, but you remind me of Quinn."

No one moved.

Santana spoke very softly. "That's funny, Beth, because _you_ remind _me_ of Quinn. That way you look. The way you act. The sound of your voice. Everything except for your smile and your hair."

"Those are my daddy's, right?"

"Yep. You got those straight from Puck. But everything else is Quinn's."

"Does that make you sad? That I remind you so much of her?"

Santana looked at Beth; really and truly looked at the little girl for the first time. Her eyes flew from the dark brown hair to the ivory color of her skin, from the naturally pouty lips and finally to Beth's eyes – Quinn's eyes – Santana's hazel safe havens, and she answered Beth truthfully.

"No, Beth. It doesn't make me sad. You are so beautiful for so many reasons and you remind me so much of Quinn. I won't lie to you; it hurts. Your mother was my best friend, and my heart is always going to be broken over losing her. But you are the blessing she left behind for us to love."

The other adults felt broken all over again listening to Santana open her heart up to the little girl.

"Can I touch you?" Beth asked.

Santana knelt down and remained still as Beth gently touched the spot right above Santana's heart.

"Quinn told me that a piece of her will always be in my heart. You have a piece of her, too."

But Santana shook her head, tears filling her eyes.

"No, Beth. My piece of Quinn is standing right in front of me." She reached out and pulled Beth into a hug. Beth breathed in deeply and sighed as she relaxed into Santana's arms.

"You feel like her. Hugging you is like hugging her all over again."

Santana drew back slightly so that she could look into those hazel anchors.

"I couldn't have said it more accurately myself, baby girl."

* * *

**And there you have it! Next chapter will hopefully be up before I go away again this weekend.**

**Reviews always very appreciated. Thanks for reading, babiieees.**


	9. Chapter 8

**Thank you so much to everyone who has left reviews. You guys are so sweet and to those who always write that I've made them cry... I always feel the need to apologize for that. So...sorry! I love you guys.  
**

**Here's the next chapter! I busted this one out because I'm leaving town for the weekend tomorrow and won't have access to a computer. So this is what I'm leaving you with until Monday.**

**I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

It had been a month since Brittany, Puck, Rachel, and Santana had gone to Shelby's house to see Beth for the first time. Since then, visits had become frequent. Because it was summer break and all four young adults were in Lima, they could see Beth as often as she wanted them to – which was a lot.

Mondays were Puck's. Every Monday, he picked up Beth from her summer camp and took her out to eat, to the park, to a movie, etc. It was their special time together. They talked about Quinn. They talked about Beth starting second grade in the fall. She told him about dance lessons with Brittany and vocal lessons with Rachel. He took her to McKinley and showed her the football field where he had played and Quinn had cheered. Puck gave Beth a picture of Quinn at prom and in return, Beth drew him a picture of Quinn with angel wings and a halo.

Slowly but surely, Puck was starting to heal. He loved Beth fiercely.

Tuesdays were Brittany's day with the little girl. After Beth was done with camp, Brittany would take her to the local dance studio that she was assisting in over the summer. Beth, very much like Brittany, was a naturally gifted dancer. She took a special interest in hip hop, but Brittany also taught her the basics of contemporary, jazz, and ballet.

Beth adored Brittany, and Brittany felt the same. For years, Quinn had been like an older sister to Brittany, and the blonde dancer now felt herself taking on that role for Beth. The little girl had quickly got attached to the fact that their names both started with B and now called Brittany her twin.

Rachel claimed Thursdays for herself. The first time she sang for Beth, the seven year-old fell in love. She was immune to the power of Rachel's voice, just like everyone else. As soon as Rachel finished singing, Beth had begged the diva to teach her how to make her voice sound like that.

So, every Thursday for the past four weeks, Rachel had taken Beth to her house and into the recording studio in the Berry's basement. She ran through simple vocal exercises with the child, and taught her songs that had been sung in glee club, per Beth's request. The little girl already had undeniable pitch, yet was always very shy when she performed songs for Shelby and the others, which was so very Quinn.

On Saturday nights, they all got together at Shelby's house for dinner. Beth would perform whatever new dance sequence she had learned that week, and would sing a song in between the main course and dessert. She'd talk in rapt detail about whatever movie she and Puck had gone to see that week, or would show them the art project she had made at camp.

Santana was the only one who didn't spend one-on-one time with Beth. She attended the Saturday dinners, but had yet to spend any time with Beth in addition to that. At those dinners, she spoke to Beth and was always politely intrigued in what the little girl had to say, but everyone including Beth could tell that Santana was completely closed off emotionally.

So, it came as no surprise to Brittany when Beth finally asked her about Santana's absence.

"Brittany?"

The tall blonde looked up at Beth from where she currently sat, stretching out her hamstring. It was a lazy Tuesday afternoon and she had just finished a grueling hour of hip hop with the little girl.

"What's up, Baby B?"

A smile blossomed on Beth's face. The nickname that she and Brittany shared never failed to charm her.

"I love it when you call me Baby B. It reminds me of Quinn."

"Yeah?" Brittany returned her smile. "It reminds me of Q, too. Now, did you need something?"

"Yes. Can I ask you something?"

"Always."

"Why doesn't Santana come see me more, like you and Rachel and Noah?" When Beth spoke directly to her father, he was Daddy to her. But when referring to him in conversation with other people, the little girl had taken to calling him Noah, just like Rachel did.

Brittany had known this was coming eventually. She opened her arms up to the child.

"Come snuggle me, B. Serious-talk time always requires snuggling."

Beth crawled into Brittany's lap and wrapped her arms around the taller girl's waist. True to her birth mother, Beth wasn't really one for physical affection. But she never failed to cuddle with Brittany. Brittany kissed Beth's forehead and gave her a hug.

"Beth, you know that Q was Santana's best friend."

"Yes."

"Right; well, I'm your twin and I'm never going to be anything but completely honest with you. San doesn't spend much one-on-one time with you – not yet, anyways – because she still needs time to be sad about losing Quinn. You remind all of us, but especially San, so much of Quinn. That's totally not your fault, because you can't help how you look and act naturally."

Brittany sighed before she continued. "I love being around you, Beth, because it's kind of like getting to play with a seven year-old Quinn all over again. But it's still really hard for Santana to be around you because right now, you're still a reminder that she lost her real Quinn." She hugged Beth tighter. "But you have to know how much Santana loves you."

Beth silently pondered over Brittany's words for several minutes before finally looking up at the blonde, her hazel eyes sad.

"Sometimes I wish I wasn't so much like Quinn," she said softly. "Not because I don't want to be, because I really do. It makes me happy when I look at pictures of her and imagine myself looking like that one day, and I love hearing stories about her because I want to be like her. But I wish it didn't hurt you all so much. Mostly Santana, but I see the way you and Noah and Rachel look at me sometimes, too. I'm sorry."

Brittany kissed Beth's forehead again and drew back to look deep into the comforting depths of the little girl's hazel eyes.

"B, don't apologize. Yes, you remind us all a lot of your mother. But it doesn't hurt."

Beth raised an eyebrow at Brittany – no one knew if those were the Quinn genes or something she had picked up herself – and in that moment looked _so scarily_ like Quinn that Brittany had to blink several times before she could respond.

"Okay, no. I said I wouldn't lie to you, so I won't. It hurts a little bit, but only in the sense that we miss Quinn, not because we wish she was here instead of you. It's so totally unfair that we all got to spend so much time with Q and you only got a couple years with her. But that's the way the world works, and it's not anyone's fault. Trust me when I say that all of us, even Santana, are incredibly blessed that we get to be part of your life."

Beth sighed and seemed satisfied with that answer. She leaned her little body into Brittany and spoke softly, "Tell me a story about Quinn, please."

Brittany thought for a moment before she smiled.

"Okay. Let me tell you about how Quinn and I became friends. She was Santana's best friend first, you know, and didn't want anything to do with me," Brittany chuckled. "But that changed pretty quickly…"

* * *

_It was recess time for the first graders._

_Brittany looked up and her eyes widened at the sight of two girls approaching her, though more in delight than fear, which is how the rest of her classmates would have reacted at the sight of Quinn and Santana. Even at six years old, they were very scary._

_She thought Quinn was super pretty, obviously, but she thought Santana was super pretty, too. She ached to be friends with the two girls._

_Santana stopped directly in front of Brittany, and the blonde's stomach fluttered._

_"Hi, Brittany."_

_"Hi, Santana!" Brittany peered around the Latina and in a shy tone of voice said, "Hi, Quinn."_

_Quinn didn't reply but nodded her acknowledgment. Santana's gaze lingered on the blonde momentarily before she turned back to Brittany._

_"Why are you sitting alone?"_

_"Oh, I'm just waiting for Mike to get out of the bathroom. We're in the middle of making up a really cool dance!"_

_"That does sound really cool, but Q and I were wanted to know if you wanted to play with us today instead."_

_Brittany's blue eyes lit up. "No way. Really?"_

_"Really."_

_"Yes! Totally yes. Let me just tell Mike."_

_She ran off, whispered to Mike, who grinned at her before whispering something back. Brittany nodded excitedly at whatever he had said and then skipped back to Santana and Quinn._

_"Okay! I'm ready. What are we going to do?"_

_Quinn rolled her eyes again but Santana smiled at Brittany's enthusiasm and the blonde returned her grin._

_"We switch off who gets to choose what we play and today it's Q's turn."_

_She and Brittany looked expectantly at Quinn, who shrugged._

_"I don't care."_

_There was a momentary pause before Brittany spoke. "I have a pink sparkly bouncy ball in my backpack! We could play with that."_

_Santana looked to Quinn for confirmation, as she did for everything._

_"Q?"_

_Quinn sighed, sounding bored. "Whatever."_

_Brittany's grin fell slightly. She could tell that for some reason, the crazy pretty blonde didn't like her, and that made her sad. But she wasn't ready to give up._

_"We can play something else if you don't want to do that, Quinn."_

_"I said I don't care," Quinn snapped, and Brittany took a step back in fear. Santana immediately put herself between the two girls._

_"Q. Stop. You're scaring Brittany."_

_Quinn rolled her eyes again. "I'm not scaring her. And if I am, she's a baby."_

_"She's not a baby—"_

_"No, Santana, it's okay—" Brittany tried to interject, but Santana cut her off._

_"No, Brittany! It's not okay. She's being mean because she's jealous—"_

_"I'm not jealous!" Quinn shrieked in outrage. "Why would I be jealous of Brittany?"_

_"Santana, it's okay. Just—"_

_"Yes, you are jealous! You're jealous because Brittany's pretty—"_

_"I'm prettier," Quinn scoffed._

_"Please, Santana, you don't have to—"_

_"And you're jealous because Brittany is happy and you're never happy because you care too much about being the best. You're not perfect, Quinn."  
_

_Quinn shot back as if Santana had slapped her. Regret flashed in Santana's dark eyes, and Brittany could immediately tell that the feisty little Latina had taken it too far. Quinn was completely still for a moment before she lowered her head and looked at Santana with dead, emotionless hazel eyes._

_"Q, I'm sorry, I didn't - I didn't mean it. I really didn't. I'm sorry."_

_But even Brittany could see that the blonde was deeply hurt. Without responding, Quinn turned and walked away. Tears fell down Santana's anguished face and Brittany reached out to brush them away before moving to follow Quinn._

_Santana grabbed her hand. "Where are you going?"_

_"To talk to Quinn."_

_Santana shook her head firmly. "No way. Nobody can go near her when she's like this, not even me. She'll hurt you if you try to talk to her."_

_But Brittany gently pulled her hand out of Santana's grasp. "I need to talk to her. Trust me."_

_Santana opened her mouth to protest but Brittany was already walking towards Quinn, who had taken a seat on the bench and was staring at the ground, not a hint of expression or emotion on her perfect face._

_"Quinn? If I sit next to you, will you be mean to me?"_

_Quinn listlessly shook her head and Brittany took a seat next to the blonde._

_"I'm going to talk and you can just listen and nod your head. Okay?"_

_Quinn gave a small shrug and Brittany took it as a sign to go on._

_"I know why you were you were trying to scare me earlier. It's because Santana wanted to play with me, right? And that's scary for you because you think she might like me more than you and end up leaving you."_

_Quinn hesitated before nodding._

_"I know you didn't mean to be mean, though. You only get mean when you're scared, right?"_

_Quinn nodded again, her eyes filling with tears._

_"I'm sorry," she whispered, and Brittany gave her a sweet smile._

_"Don't be sorry, Quinn. I'm not mad. I really like Santana. I think she's super cool and totally pretty. I think she thinks the same things about me. Am I right?"_

_"Yes."_

_"I knew it. Okay, so I like Santana and she likes me. And maybe we'll be best friends. Maybe even you and I could be best friends. But no matter what happens with me, you will always be number one for her, I think."_

_Quinn looked into Brittany's sweet blue eyes and Brittany could see all of the worry and fear drain out of the other girl._

_"Brittany?"_

_"Quinn?"_

_"I want you to be with me and Santana. Like how me and her are always together? I want you with us now, too."_

_Brittany grinned. "Awesome. Can I tell you something?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"I think you're super pretty. But not just on the outside. On the inside, too."_

_Quinn closed her eyes, taking in Brittany's words, and Brittany knew she had said the right thing and smiled._

_"Quinn?"_

_"Hmm?"_

_"Will you make up with Santana now?"_

_Quinn sighed and nodded. "Can you ask her to come over here?"_

_Twenty minutes later, order was restored and Brittany smiled at the sight of Santana and Quinn approaching her, holding hands._

_"Are you guys okay?"_

_Santana nodded, smiling. "Yeah, we're okay. Q said we're all going to be together now."_

_Brittany beamed. "Is that okay?"_

_"I've wanted that since the first day of school."_

_They smiled at each other and turned to Quinn, who had a small, close-mouthed smile settled on her lips, looking content at this new arrangement._

_"Q?" Santana asked. "Will you show Brittany your real smile?"_

_Brittany looked quizzically at Santana. "What do you mean? She's smiling right now, isn't she?"_

_"Yeah, she kind of is. But only a few people get to see her real smile." Santana turned to Quinn. "Will you show her, Q? Please?"_

_Quinn looked from Santana to Brittany, who offered her a shy and sweet smile. The blonde closed her eyes and let her expression go blank. When she opened them, they were more alive than Brittany had ever seen them, and completely filled with light. She pulled back her lips to reveal her perfect teeth and she smiled at Brittany, whose mouth dropped open._

_"Oh my god." Brittany was in awe. When Quinn Fabray smiled, she had the ability to make the world fall in love. She gazed at Quinn, who stood in front of her looking like an angel, but what made Brittany the happiest was that she could see that Quinn was smiling with her heart._

_"What do you think, Brittany?" asked Santana. "Cool, right?"_

_Brittany nodded. "That was the best thing I have ever seen in my entire life."_

_The three girls looked at each other. Slowly, Santana reached out to take Quinn's hand in one of hers and Brittany's hand in the other. Brittany and Quinn joined hands as well, and they stood in a circle, linked together._

_"Forever?" Santana said._

_Quinn and Brittany nodded and replied together._

_"Forever."_

* * *

As Brittany finished her story, she watched Beth ponder thoughtfully.

"Brittany?" Beth asked finally.

"Hmm?"

"Do you miss Quinn?"

Brittany nodded, smiling sadly. "All the time," she replied truthfully.

"I do, too," Beth said. "It feels like there's something missing in my heart. I really do love my mommy Shelby. But Quinn is my mother, too. And I really, really wish she was here."

Brittany kissed away the tears that spilled down the perfect little girl's face.

"I do, too, Baby B."

* * *

**Reviews are always appreciated! Thanks for reading.**


	10. Chapter 9

**Back from my trip! Thanks for the reviews you guys left me, they're always so lovely to read.**

**Hope this chapter was worth the wait! **

* * *

"San?"

Santana looked up from her phone and smiled at Brittany from where she sat draped on the couch in the Lopez residence living room.

"Ssup, Britt?"

"Can we talk?"

"Of course. Always."

"No, like _really_ talk. Serious talk."

Santana took in Brittany's tone of voice and the way the blonde wouldn't make eye contact with her and immediately knew something was very wrong. She put her phone down on the coffee table and beckoned for Brittany to join her on the couch.

"Come here, Britt."

Brittany stood up from her chair and crossed the room, taking a seat next to Santana. Santana's concern grew when Brittany did not automatically cuddle up to her like the blonde always did when they sat together, and more warning bells went off in her head.

"Brittany," Santana said softly. "What's wrong?"

The blonde finally looked at Santana, and Santana's stomach dropped at the sight of tears welling up in Brittany's blue eyes.

"I miss Quinn," she whispered, the tears finally spilling over. Santana felt her heart break, and she sat motionless as Brittany wiped her eyes.

"In the letter Q wrote me," Brittany said in a shaking voice, "she asked me to take care of everyone for her. Mostly you and Puck and Rachel and Beth. I promised her I would, and I'm trying so hard to stay strong for her. She was always so brave, no matter what she did. I'm trying so, so hard to be the steady rock that everybody needs and that Q needs me to be."

More tears ran down Brittany's face as she continued. "But it's so hard to be the strong one all the time. Yesterday, Beth asked me to tell her a story about Quinn, so I told her about that day in first grade when we all became friends and when I went home later, I just sat in my house, not knowing what to do. I feel so sick and so numb all the time, but I have to keep a smile on my face. I have to, because if I don't, I'll fall apart. And I can't…I can't—"

Brittany's voice broke and Santana wrapped her arms around her and the blonde sucked in a shuddering breath and started to sob.

As Santana held Brittany, murmuring words of comfort to the crying girl, she realized something – it was the first time since the funeral, where everyone had cried, that she had seen Brittany break down over Quinn's death. The dancer had been so incredibly strong and so reassuring to everyone else that Santana had forgotten just how hard losing Quinn must have been on Brittany, too.

"Beth asked about you yesterday, you know," Brittany said, hiccupping and jolting Santana out of her thoughts. "I mean, she asks about how you're doing all the time, but yesterday she finally asked me why you don't go see her and spend time with her like the rest of us do."

Santana released her hold on Brittany, and the blonde could see guilt and regret shining in the Latina's eyes.

"You need to try with her," Brittany murmured gently. "We all try super hard. Puck tries, I try, even Rachel tries and you _know_ how hard that is for her because of Shelby. Beth needs you, San."

Santana felt tears stinging her eyes, but she refused to let them fall.

"She reminds me so much of Quinn, Britt," she whispered brokenly. "I know it's unfair to take that out on Beth and I love that little girl with everything I have, but I miss Q so fucking much. And right now, seeing Beth…it's like I'm five years old on the first day of kindergarten all over again."

"I know," Brittany said, smiling sadly. "It's hard for me, too. Sometimes Beth will raise her eyebrow at me, or say something in a certain tone of voice and in those moments, she reminds me so much of Quinn that it literally takes my breath away. But she's not Quinn. She's Beth, and she's growing up, and she needs you, San."

But Santana shook her head dully.

"She doesn't need me, Britt," she choked out. "She has Shelby for a mom and Puck for a dad. She has big sisters in you and Rachel, not to mention teachers when it comes to singing and dancing. What can I give her that she doesn't already have?"

Brittany's blue eyes were sad as she replied gently, "You're right. Shelby is an amazing mom to Beth, and Puck is working on building up a father-daughter relationship with her. Beth adores Rach and loves singing with her. She calls me her twin and begs me to show her dance moves all the time. But she needs you, too. She needs someone to love her as fiercely as Quinn did, someone she can trust and rely on and feel safe with. She needs someone who will understand when no one else can. You can be that for her, San. I know it, and so do you."

Santana closed her eyes as Brittany continued, "There is no one who knew Quinn like you did, San. I was her Baby B and Rachel was her secret girlfriend and Puck was actually the love of her life, but _you_ were her best friend. Beth said it herself the day we met her; you are the one who reminds her of Q. You're the one who can be there for her when no one else can, because you're not her mom – that's Shelby. You're not an older sibling, or even a best friend. But you're someone who can connect her to her mother, and she needs that. She needs you, Santana. And I think deep down, past the hurt and the fear; you know you need her, too."

Brittany leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Santana's trembling lips.

"I know it hurts to be around Beth after losing Q," she said. "But as soon as you open up your heart to her, that little girl is going to be what you need to heal the pain. She's your piece of Quinn, San. Don't let her grow up without you."

* * *

The next day, Beth was zipping up her backpack at the end of a busy day at camp when she heard a voice behind her.

"Hey, baby girl."

Beth froze. Only two people in her life had ever called her baby girl. And one of them was Quinn.

She slowly turned around and looked up at Santana. Beth loved Santana with her whole heart and desperately wanted to spend more time with her, but she knew why the Latina had stayed distant since meeting her. So, even though Santana came over every Saturday night for dinner with the rest of their quirky little family unit, Beth still felt slightly apprehensive and always automatically guilty around her.

"Santana?" she said. "Where's Mommy?"

"I asked her if I could pick you up today. Is that alright?"

Beth nodded hesitantly. "Are you taking me home?" she asked, and Santana shook her head.

"Nope; I'm taking you somewhere special. So grab your backpack and let's head out."

Eyes wide, Beth threw her backpack over her shoulders and followed Santana out of the building to the Latina's small red car. Beth crawled into the backseat and Santana buckled her in before climbing into the front and taking off. The Latina played soft music and hummed along as Beth stared out the window. They rode silently for 20 minutes before Santana suddenly took a sharp left and pulled into a small parking lot on the side of the road.

"Out of the car, B," Santana said, opening the car door for her. Beth scrambled out and looked around.

"Where are we?" she questioned, but Santana just took her hand and held it as they started to walk.

"You'll see."

After a few minutes of walking through trees, a small lake came into view. Beth could see ducks swimming lazily in the water and automatically wished she had something to feed them with. Santana caught the disappointed look on her face as the little girl saw the ducks, and grinned as she pulled a bag of bread crumbs and broken crackers out of her pocket.

"One step ahead of you, Beth. You're already more like Brittany than you know."

Beth smiled up at her and, just like she did every time they locked eyes, Santana looked away. Feeling slightly dejected, Beth sighed quietly. She knew that she looked like Quinn, but the others seemed to have gotten used to it. Santana never looked into her eyes for more than a few seconds before looking away with a pained expression on her face.

They continued to walk around the lake until they came across an empty bench. Santana pointed to it, and Beth sat down. Santana took a seat beside her and they sat in silence for several minutes, Beth's feet swinging and dangling above the ground.

When Santana finally spoke, she didn't look at Beth; instead, she kept her eyes trained on the lake.

"This is where I took Quinn the day after she gave you to Shelby."

Beth's eyes widened.

"She was released from the hospital and when I picked her up, she said I could take her anywhere but home. So I took her here instead. It's somewhere I came all the time to feed the ducks with Brittany, and it was always somewhere I felt calm. We walked around the lake and sat on this bench together."

Beth watched tears start to fall down Santana's face, but the Latina's voice remained steady as she continued. "Q cried for awhile, and I let her. When she finally stopped, she told me that she had never been in so much pain, knowing that she couldn't keep you. I loved your mother so much, Beth, and I know she loved me, too. But she never loved anyone as much as she loved you."

Santana turned to face Beth, and took the little girl's hands in her own.

"I know that you know why I don't come over as much as Britt and Puck and Rachel do," she said. "Her eyes were my anchors for more than 15 years and it hurts to look into your eyes because they are exactly, exactly like Quinn's. But I want you to know that I love you so much and I'm so sorry I haven't been making an effort with you. That's going to change, starting now." She took a deep, shaking breath as she looked into Beth's innocent, intelligent hazel eyes. "I said it once before, Beth – you are my piece of Quinn, and I am always going to be there to be there for you, no matter what. I will protect you for your mother forever."

Beth, incredibly aware and sensitive of other people's feelings for someone just seven years old, looked deeply into Santana's dark eyes and saw a sadness in them that made her want to cry.

"I'm sorry I make you think of Quinn so much," she said, squeezing Santana's hands. "I have a best friend at school named Stella, and I would never want to lose her. I'm very sorry you lost my mother, Santana. But I know she must have loved you, because I am very much like her and I know that I love you."

Santana pulled Beth onto her lap and hugged the little girl tightly. Beth hugged her back and breathed in a familiar, nostalgic scent.

"You smell like Quinn," she mumbled into Santana's hair, and Santana nodded.

"We used to use the same perfume. I stopped wearing it, but I started using it again after she died. It makes me feel like she's not so far away fro me."

Beth breathed in again deeply and Santana heard her sigh contentedly. They remained in that position for several more long moments before Santana finally pulled back and looked at the little Quinn that sat in her lap.

"Can we say that Wednesdays are my day with you, now?"

Beth nodded eagerly. "Can we feed the ducks now?" she asked excitedly, and Santana laughed.

"_Ay dios mio_, clearly Brittany has been rubbing off on you too much. What do you say we bring her with us the next time we come here?"

"Yes! Give me the bread crumbs!"

Santana gave her the bag and watched Beth run to the water's edge, throwing food into the water and laughing delightedly as ducks began to swim towards her. She turned around and beckoned urgently for Santana to join her.

"Come on, S!"

Santana's heart skipped a beat; Quinn was the only one who ever called her S. Whether Beth had heard about that from someone else, or it was simply on instinct, Santana let the nostalgic feeling of hearing Quinn's old nickname wash over her. She smiled up at the sky.

"She is so beautiful, Q," she whispered. "Thank you for leaving her here for us to love."

* * *

A few weeks after starting second grade in the fall, Beth, who had recently turned eight, was assigned her first paper – she was to write a page about someone she admired. She didn't have to think twice before going home, whipping out paper and a pencil, and starting to write.

_Why I Admire My Three Mothers_

_By: Beth Corcoran_

_I am not a normal little girl. I have a daddy and two big sisters. But I do not have just one mommy. I have three._

_My mommy Shelby adopted me when I was born. I admire her for opening up her heart and bringing me home with her. I love my mommy Shelby so much. She tries very hard to give me everything that I want. She is so loving and kind._

_My real mother Quinn died when I was seven years old. Even though she had to give me away, she was so brave to do that and I admire her so much. She is my angel and watches over me. My mother Quinn was so beautiful, on the inside and out like my sister Rachel says, and I feel so proud when people tell me that I remind them of her._

_My third mother is my real-life angel, Santana. She was my mother Quinn's best friend since they were five years old. She tells me all the time how much I am like Quinn and how happy that makes her. Santana took care of Mommy Quinn when they were growing up. She took care of my daddy Noah and my big sisters Rachel and Brittany. And now, she takes care of me. Santana has so much love her in heart and I am so lucky that some of it is for me. Santana tells me stories about Quinn and helps me to not forget about her. I only got a few years with my mother before she died, but Santana makes me feel close to her again. She always tells me that everything she does is Quinn acting through her, but I know that it's really just because she loves me and the people in our family so much._

_My three mothers are the best people in the world besides my daddy and my sisters. Noah and Brittany and Rachel are all teaching me things and helping me grow up. My mommy Shelby gives me everything she can, from books and toys to love and care. Quinn is my angel and makes me feel safe because I know that she is watching over me. And, as Noah says, Santana is the one who will always stand between me and the world. I am so lucky to have them all._

* * *

**And there it is - finally, some Santana and Beth. Reviews are always, always welcomed and appreciated.**

**Love to you all who are reading and sticking with me! **


	11. Chapter 10

**PLEASE READ - Hi, guys! To avoid confusion, I'm going to explain what I'll be doing with the story from here on out.**

**From this point on, I'm going to be doing some time hops. For example, in the last chapter, Beth was seven and now she's 11. I will try to make the ages of the characters very clear and if anyone is ever confused, please let me know! **

**Alright, onto the chapter. This is very Beth-centric, because you've never really seen her deal with Quinn's death. More letters from Quinn are also on the way, including her first letter to Beth.  
**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

In sixth grade and at 11 years old, Beth was very aware that she did not have a normal, conventional family like most of her friends did.

For example, her best friend Stella lived with her mom, her dad, and her little brother. Her friend Griffin lived with his single dad, because his mom had died when he was four. Even a girl in her class named Brooke who had two gay dads, and another boy named Luke who went back and forth between his divorced parents still had a more common family situation than Beth did.

Yes, Beth knew that her family situation was highly unheard of and confusing to most people she met.

She had her mom, of course. Beth loved Shelby with her whole heart and would always be grateful to the woman for adopting her. Because it was the just the two of them living in their house together, Beth and Shelby were very close. They were almost always open and honest with each other, and Beth knew that Shelby tried her hardest to provide Beth with everything she needed.

Thanks to Shelby's joy as a high school choir and glee director, Beth was in the midst of growing up in a world of song and dance. Whether it was doing her homework in the auditorium while her mom's students sang in the background, or attending glee competitions with the team on the weekends when no one was available to watch Beth, the little girl was already very well-versed in the world of show choir, glee club, and musical theater.

Of course, she had Rachel to thank for that as well. Beth adored her adopted sister and was just as excited as everyone else when the brunette diva landed her role as Fanny Brice in Broadway's revival of _Funny Girl_. Shelby took Beth to New York to see Rachel perform on her opening night, and it was one of the most magical nights of Beth's life. Rachel had been giving her singing lessons since she was seven and Beth had grown up listening to the sound of Rachel's voice. But seeing her older sister on stage for the first time was something Beth knew she would never forget. While she didn't get to see Rachel as much as she saw the others, due to her sister living in New York, Beth still loved her fiercely. She and Rachel called each other Big sis and Little sis.

Beth had another older sister figure in Brittany. The little brunette was completely in love with the tall blonde dancer. Shortly after meeting Brittany and establishing their Baby B connection, Beth had started to call Brittany her twin and had continued to do so as their relationship grew. After meeting Beth and spending that entire summer in Lima, Brittany had decided to drop out of MIT, move back home, and open her own dance studio. She now ran classes six days a week, some of which Beth attended. However, Brittany also taught Beth privately and was incredibly proud of how naturally talented she was turning out to be. She affectionately still used the nickname that Quinn had christened them both with. Beth was growing up but she still wasn't huge on physical affection – Brittany was the only person she would still reliably cuddle with.

Then there was Puck. Because he had been a part of Beth's life almost since she was born, Beth felt completely comfortable around him and confidently viewed Puck as her father. Puck went back and forth between Lima and LA, constantly chasing after a new project, whether it was expanding the pool cleaning business he now managed, or back-up singing/playing for Mercedes whenever she called him down to California. However, no matter where he was, he never failed to be there for Beth. He was at nearly all of her dance recitals, and the ones he couldn't be at, Shelby filmed for him so that he could watch. Their father-daughter bond was very strong, and Puck constantly thanked his lucky stars that he got to be such a big part of his little girl's life.

And, after the day at the pond during that first summer, Santana had become a shining light in Beth's life. She, much like Puck, went back and forth between New York for Rachel and work, and Lima for Brittany and Beth. Santana had never missed a dance show or school play that Beth was in. She called the little brunette everyday that she couldn't be with her in person, whether it was to say goodnight, ask about how a test in school went, or simply have a five-minute conversation just to check in. To Beth, Santana was more than just another big sister, or a second mom.

Beth had special bonds and connections with all of the adults in her life, but she had something extra with Santana – they were each others living reminders of the mother and best friend they had both lost. For Santana, Beth was her little Quinn. As she got older, Beth continued to look more and more like her birth mother. At times, though the occurrences were rare, it was still hard for Santana to be near Beth without feeling a dull ache in her chest. However, those times were few and far between and for the most part, Santana felt nothing but love and joy around Beth.

For Beth, Santana was the closest thing she would ever have to Quinn. Santana never failed to comply with Beth's requests of stories about Quinn. The Latina had even given Beth one of Quinn's old sweatshirts that the blonde had once left at her house, which, because it was so oversized, Beth now wore constantly around the house. Santana gave Beth the connection to her birth mother that she wanted so desperately, and Beth gave Santana the connection to her best friend that she needed to heal her pain. Just as Santana had called Quinn by her initial, she called Beth B and the little girl called her S.

So, Beth was not blind to the fact that her family was unlike anyone else's. However, she never once let that bother her and wouldn't have traded the adults in her life for anyone or anything. They each gave her something special, and she wouldn't have had it any other way.

* * *

Griffin James was in love with Beth Corcoran.

Sure, he was only 11 years old. But he knew that he loved Beth. They had been in class together since kindergarten, and all he knew was that she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. He also thought she was super smart, sweet, funny, and had felt that way since the first time he saw her on the first day of kindergarten.

They weren't best friends – Stella St. Claire was Beth's best friend – but they were good friends, and that was enough for Griffin. He loved joking around with Beth and enjoyed the time he spent at her house on play dates, especially when any of her extended family members were there.

Yes, Griffin was aware of Beth's odd family predicament, but that mattered not to him. The fact that she had a mom, a birth mother angel, two sisters, a dad, and a…whatever Santana was just made Beth that much cooler in his book. He had an angel of his own; his mom had passed away when he was four, so he understood how hard not having a real mom around was for Beth.

He liked to think that gave them a special connection.

It was exactly why he knew just what to say to Beth when he found her crying during recess one day.

"Ssup, Beth?"

Beth looked up at the sound of Griffin's voice, hazel eyes flashing, but relaxed as soon as she saw that it was him.

"Hey, Griff," she replied quietly. Griffin took a seat next to her, and gently bumped her shoulder.

"You wanna talk?"

Beth wiped her eyes. "Tomorrow is Quinn's birthday," she said, smiling sadly through her tears. "It's hard every year, but I never really know how to deal with it."

"Can I put my arm around you?" he asked her, with full knowledge that sometimes she couldn't stand being touched and she nodded, appreciating his effort to ask first. Griffin put his arm around Beth and looked out at the playground full of happy, busy kids.

"We're not like them," he mused. "They're all totally happy and carefree. Well, no. That's not true. Everybody has problems. But they'll never know what it feels like to lose and grow up without their moms. It's hard for me and Dad to deal with Mom's birthday every year, too. You wanna know what I do when I miss her?"

Beth nodded and Griffin continued.

"I go visit her grave. I love Dad, but sometimes I need to talk to Mom. He drives me to the cemetery and camps out in the car with his newspaper while I sit with Mom and tell her everything. I also write her tons of letters throughout the year, every time I need to talk to her or tell her something, and then on her birthday, Dad helps me burn the letters and we spread the ashes in places that Mom loved to go to, like the park or in the garden."

Beth looked into Griffin's warm brown eyes and he smiled sweetly at her.

"I understand, Beth," he said simply. "I know you love Shelby, but Quinn was your mom, too."

More tears welled up in Beth's eyes. Griffin was right; he _did_ understand. She rested her head on his shoulder and he gave her a squeeze. They remained in that position until the bell rang, signaling the end of recess. Griffin stood up and offered Beth his hand. She smiled up at him and accepted his help to stand. He reached out and wiped out the last few tears from her face, and she caught his hand, gently squeezing it.

"Thank you, Griff," she said softly. "Next time you visit your mom, tell her she gave birth to a wonderful boy."

Griffin gave her a goofy grin as they began to walk back to their classroom.

Yep, it was official. He loved Beth Corcoran.

* * *

The next morning, thankfully a Saturday, Beth walked into Shelby's room and stood in the door frame.

"Mom? Can I ask you something?"

Shelby looked up from the novel she was reading and smiled at her daughter. "Of course," she said, closing the book and patting the bed. "Come join."

Beth scrambled onto the bed and sat with Shelby. "You know what today is, right?" she asked, in a serious tone of voice.

Shelby nodded. She knew.

"I want to visit Quinn's grave. And I'm very sorry because you know I love you so much but you can't come. I don't want it to be weird for you. I want Santana to take me. I'm sorry if that hurts your feelings."

But Shelby only nodded in understanding. "Beth, you know I never question your relationship with Quinn or Santana," she said, and it was the truth. Shelby knew her daughter shared a bond with Santana, just like she knew that Beth still felt a very special connection to her birth mother. She was completely supportive of everything Beth did, and this was no exception.

Beth looked relieved and gave Shelby a hug. "Thanks, Mom," she said. "I'm going to call Santana now, okay?"

"Okay, honey."

Two hours later, Beth stood in front of Quinn's grave with Santana sitting beneath a tree roughly 50 feet away. A solid distance so that she wouldn't be able to hear what Beth was saying, but close enough for her to keep an eye on the little brunette.

Beth stared down at the marble headstone. She had never visited before.

LUCY QUINN FABRAY

Feb. 1, 1994 – June 7, 2015

_"It is by suffering that human beings become angels."_

Beth sat down in front of the headstone and traced the letters of her mother's name.

"Hi, Mommy," she said softly. Beth had long outgrown referring to Shelby as Mommy. It was a now a name she reserved strictly for Quinn. "Happy birthday. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to come and visit."

She finished tracing Quinn's name and moved onto her birth and death dates.

"I really miss you," she continued. "I miss you and every single day something happens that I wish I could tell you about." She started to trace the quote written on Quinn's head stone. "This is a beautiful quote. Daddy always says that you are our angel, especially mine, and I know that you suffered a lot when you were here so I'm glad that you're an angel now."

Beth sighed. "I'm so confused sometimes, Mommy. I love Shelby so much, but she's not you. I know she's my mom and I appreciate her so much. But I really wish you were still alive. Would things be different?" she mused. "Maybe. I would probably feel even more confused than I do now. But that will never stop me from wishing you could be part of my life."

She felt tears beginning to sting her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. "Thank you for leaving me with Santana and Rachel and Brittany and Daddy," Beth went on as she played with the flowers that were growing next to the grave. "I love them all with my whole heart. Especially Santana. Sometimes, even though I'm just a kid and she's a grown-up, I worry about her, Mommy. She still misses you so much, and I can see it in her eyes whenever we talk about you. But she is so brave and so protective all the time. Sometimes I forget that she gets hurt, too."

Santana felt her heart constrict as she watched Beth start to cry. She knew how hard this had to be for her.

"I remember the first day I came to see you in the hospital, you know," Beth said, wiping her eyes as tears fell down her face. "I remember sitting on your lap and laughing with you and Daddy while we talked. I wish we had gotten more time together. I know that Daddy does, too. I caught him looking at a picture of you and crying once. I wish that I could do something to help all the people you left behind. They all still miss you so much, Mommy, and I know that sometimes being around me makes it harder for them."

Beth started to sob, and Santana felt wrecked. Despite the fact that Beth was incredibly mature for her age, that didn't matter – she was still a little girl and she missed her mom. Santana knew that, very much like Quinn, Beth could only handle so much emotion before completely breaking down, and that the sound of heart-wrenching sobs meant it was time to go.

"Hey, B?" she called out, pretending not to notice that Beth was crying. "You almost ready to go?"

"Yes," Beth choked out. "I'll meet you at the car."

Santana nodded and started to make her way out of the cemetery. As she passed Beth, she kissed the girl on her forehead and dropped a white gardenia she had brought with her at the foot of Quinn's headstone.

"Miss you, Q," she murmured before walking away. Beth toyed with the gardenia before looking back at the marble grave.

"Despite knowing sometimes it's hard for Brittany and Daddy and Santana and Rachel, I never feel anything but proud when people tell me how much I look and act like you. I love you so much and I wish you were here. But you're not, so all I can do is hope that you're watching over me. All I will ever want is to make you proud. I love you. Happy birthday, Mommy."

Beth kissed her fingers, gently touched her mother's headstone, and walked back to the car. By the time she climbed into the backseat, she had stopped crying. Santana turned around before starting the car and looked into the familiar hazel eyes that she knew so well.

"You okay, baby girl?" she asked, and Beth nodded.

"Yeah, S. I'm okay."

* * *

**Thanks for all the lovely reviews, they are always appreciated and you guys are all such sweeties xoxo**


	12. Chapter 11

**Hi, everyone! Please make sure you read this before starting the chapter.**

**To those of you who have already been reading this story, I've made the changes I said I would. I've taken a lot of time and looked over all the chapters very carefully and made changes that were needed. I suggest that you go back and reread the first 10 chapters.**

**However, if you're not down to do that, I'll also say it here - aside from minor edits to certain parts, the only really significant change I've made is that Beth was now seven when Quinn died, as opposed to five. **

**For first-time readers, you've been reading since I've made the changes so you can ignore all of the above!**

**Thanks so much to all of you for being so patient with me. It means a lot, and I'm so happy that I'm back to writing this story. Without further ado, I give you Beth getting to read her first letter from Quinn. Enjoy!**

* * *

On Beth's thirteenth birthday, she received her first letter from Quinn.

The adults had decided several years ago that Santana would be the one to present Beth with the letter. Of all of them, she had helped Beth cope with the loss of her birth mother the most. The two of them had healed – were still healing – together. The day before Beth's birthday, Santana took the little brunette out to the duck pond. It was the same pond she had taken Beth to when she was seven, the summer that Quinn had died.

After sitting her down on the bench, Santana stood in front of Beth and, as always, was momentarily taken back by how much the girl looked like her mother.

As Beth had grown older, the physical and emotional similarities she shared with Quinn became more and more glaringly obvious to the adults in her life. Her hair and smile were still Puck's but that was it. The rest of her was purely Quinn, from her hazel eyes to her flawless skin to the build of her body – willowy and soon-to-be tall. She was one of the most hypersensitive people Santana had ever met, always so very aware of everything and everyone around her.

"Alright, B, listen up. Real-talk time. Because holy shit, you're about to turn thirteen and god knows that means you're entering your teenage years and I pray that I survive them. But being thirteen also means something else." She took a moment to glare at the girl, who had raised an eyebrow at her cursing. "And no, I will not apologize for my language because I know your damn father doesn't have a filter and you're also in middle school and I know you've heard that word before."

Beth simply smiled as she quietly adored Santana.

"Anyways, back to what I was saying. I'm about to be very real and emotional with you for a second and what I'm about to tell you and give you is probably going to hurt like you've been shot but it will heal you, too."

At that, Beth's face fell and a knot of anxiety immediately formed in her stomach. Santana reached into her pocket and pulled out a white envelope.

"See this, Beth? Know what it is?"

"A…letter? For me?"

"Yes. A letter. For you. From Quinn."

Beth's jaw dropped open and Santana spoke before the stunned girl could say anything.

"You mother wrote letters to everyone that mattered to her while she was sick in the hospital. Letters to me and your dad and you mom and Rach and Britts and you. For a long time, Puck was the only one that knew. Quinn made him promise not to tell anyone, and also made him promise that once she was…" Santana swallowed. It had been six years and she still couldn't say it. "Well, you know. Anyways, he promised to deliver them for her. I have no idea how many she wrote in total, but Puck says he's sifted through them and there seems to be a letter for each one of us for every damn important date she could think of. Your 13th birthday. You graduation. Rachel's opening night on Broadway. Me and Britt's wedding. You name it, she thought of it. Puck has been playing delivery boy for her, but we decided I should be the one to give you your first letter."

With that, she handed Beth the envelope and looked into the hazel eyes that were so like Quinn's that they still made her want to cry.

"I know it's a lot to take in but if you're anything like Quinn, which you are, I know you need to be alone to do this. So, if you need me, I'm going to sit my ass down on that bench over there so that I can keep an eye on you and give you space at the same time."

She leaned forward and pressed her lips to Beth's forehead, kissing her gently.

"I love you."

With that, she walked away and Beth finally let out the breath that she had been holding. She felt like her lungs were collapsing.

A letter. To her. From Quinn.

From her Mommy Quinn.

Taking a deep, shaking breath, she opened the envelope and began to read.

_Beth, my little bunny,_

_Happy 13__th__ birthday, baby girl. This is the first of many letters you'll be receiving from me throughout your lifetime. I know by now that someone has explained to you why and how that's possible. I'm sorry for making you wait so long for your first one._

_I'm going to tell you a story now. It's a story you've heard before, but not from me. You need to hear it from me now, because my version will be different that any of the ones you've listened to already._

_Once upon a time, a little girl was born. She had blonde hair and hazel eyes. She was beautiful. She was perfect._

_As the little girl grew up, her purpose in life was made very clear to her by the people around her. She was to be perfect and nothing less. The older she got, the more her beauty grew into something extreme. Everywhere she went, people told her that she was beautiful._

_She began to resent it. She began to resent herself._

_Everyone she met expected perfection from her, but no one more so than her father. Perfection, and if she didn't deliver, she was punished brutally. Verbal abuse. Mental abuse. Emotional abuse._

"_If you can't be perfect, Quinn, you're worthless to me."_

_Yes, Beth. This is my story._

_My father expected so much from me, and it very nearly destroyed me. But I never did anything to stop him, because deep down inside of me was still just the little girl that would forever crave her daddy's approval and love._

_The thing I regret most about it though was that my inability to stand up to my father caused me to take out my pain on people who didn't deserve it. People like Rachel. People like Puck. People like Santana and Brittany and the glee club and anyone who ever showed me love, because I didn't know how to accept it. Love was a foreign and dangerous concept to me. The only thing I knew about it was that it could hurt me. _

_One thing and one thing only changed that for me, and that thing was you, Beth._

At that, Beth had to pause momentarily. She breathed in deeply, willing herself to stay calm and not completely lose control of her emotions like she wanted to.

_Pause. Santana deserves some credit here and Brittany does, too. They loved me unconditionally from the second they met me when we were five years old. They were the first two people to show me that love wasn't something to be feared._

_I also owe Puck for loving me through every single one of my faults, and Rachel for loving me when I couldn't love myself. _

_With them, I slowly learned how to accept love. They taught me that love can be beautiful, incredible, and breathtaking. I owe them for that forever._

_But you, Beth…you were – you are – what made me realize just how beautiful, incredible, and breathtaking love has the potential to be._

_As I stood on my front porch at fifteen years old, preparing myself to walk inside and tell my family that I was pregnant, I looked down at my stomach and it fully hit me for the first time that there was a baby inside of me._

_Not just any baby. My baby. And that's when I realized that I loved you._

_Suddenly, it didn't matter what my family or anyone else would say. It didn't matter if you were a girl or boy, blonde or brunette, short or tall. You could have come out of me with turquoise hair and a tail and I swear to God, I wouldn't have cared because you were my baby. You were my baby and I loved you._

_I knew from the very beginning that I wouldn't be able to keep you. I desperately wanted to, and Puck did, too. I knew he did. But we knew there was no way we could provide you with the life you deserved, and the life we wanted you to have._

_Giving you up was the hardest and most painful thing I have ever done, Beth, and it hurt Puck just as badly. Looking down at your sweet little face, into your hazel eyes that were so perfectly my own, I felt a surge of love that was fiercer than anything I've ever felt. It didn't matter who we gave you to, although knowing it was Shelby was immensely comforting; the raw, heartbreaking pain I felt when I had to let Puck take you out of my arms after you were born was utterly unbearable._

"Mommy," Beth whispered, her eyes filling with tears.

Santana chose that moment to look over at her felt her heart shatter as she watched Beth start to cry. Beth was about to turn thirteen but she was still so very much a little girl who missed her mom.

_After Puck returned to my bed from handing you over to the nurses, I looked deep into his brown eyes and saw my own pain reflected in them. It was at that moment that I realized I also loved Noah Puckerman. I loved him very nearly as fiercely as I loved you._

_He curled up next to me that night and held me tightly as we both cried out our tears over losing you. We had a long, long talk and the next morning, we called Shelby._

_We told her that, granted it was okay with her, we wanted to play a part in your life. It didn't matter how big or how small. She was so gracious and willing to allow us to do so, and I've never been able to thank her enough for that. We agreed that on your 13__th__ birthday, Puck and I would come meet you. Then, it would be up to you whether you wanted to keep us in your life or not. Until then, Shelby would keep us updated with pictures of milestone moments._

_I found out that I was sick a few days after your fourth birthday. Puck and I cried together again, had another long talk, and called Shelby. I knew I was going to die and I couldn't bear the thought of never being able to spend anytime with you. Once again, Shelby couldn't have been more understanding and supportive._

_Do you remember the first day we met, Beth, when Shelby took you to see me at the hospital? I hope you do. I know I do, and I'll never forget it._

Of course she did. She would never forget it, either.

_For the next two years, as you know, Shelby brought you to see me once a week. I was in and out of the hospital, but it didn't matter if we were outside at the park or cooped up in my hospital room – you never once failed to put a smile on my face, and it was even better when Puck was able to join us. Those times the three of us spent together are some of the moments I hold closest to my heart._

_I also remember the last day you came to see me._

_Things had gotten so bad and I knew it was almost time for me to go. I was okay with that. The only thing I wasn't okay with was leaving you and everyone else, but especially you._

_When I told you that you wouldn't be able to see me anymore, your eyes filled with tears and I've never been so devastatingly sad. You mean more to me than I could ever possibly put into words, baby girl, and knowing that I have to miss watching you grow up breaks my heart a million times over._

_You'll be okay, though. I know you'll be okay. You have Shelby, who took you in when we couldn't keep you and gave you everything we wanted you to have. You have Puck, who I know may not seem like the perfect father figure, but you are the light of his eyes, Beth. You have Rachel, who will teach you how to be strong. You have Brittany, who will show you how simple and sweet love can be. You have Santana, who will protect you no matter what; she will never hesitate to put herself between you and the world._

_And, you have me. Not physically, and I'm so sorry I had to leave you the way I did. But I'm with you, baby girl. Always._

_I love you so much more than I was ever able to tell you._

_Love, Quinn_

Beth put the letter down on the bench and tucked herself into a tight ball, tears pouring silently down her face. She sat holding her knees close to her chest and let out sob that she couldn't stop. She felt the entire weight of the world on her shoulders, and yet she felt completely free. She was crying, but she was smiling. Shaking but steady.

Santana had been right; reading Quinn's letter had broken her and put her back together at the same time.

Speaking of Santana, it was taking every fucking ounce of will power she had in her to not to rush to the little girl's side and comfort her. But she forced herself to remain where she was until finally, Beth stood up and walked over to her.

Santana stood immediately and Beth walked straight into her arms, wrapping herself around Santana's waist. Tears automatically filled Santana's eyes as she held Beth, hugging her tightly.

When Beth released her, she looked up at Santana with eyes red from crying, and Santana gave her a sad smile.

"You okay, B?"

"No. Yes. I don't know," Beth sucked in a deep breath and let it out. "I will be."

Santana reached out and ran her fingers through Beth's hair, pride and heartbreak and love shining in her eyes.

"That's my girl."

* * *

**I hope you guys liked it. Next up...more letters! To Rachel, definitely, possibly Santana, and maybe the first one to Shelby. **

**Reviews are much appreciated.**


	13. Chapter 12

**Both this chapter and the next are short, but sweet. And speaking of sweet, thank you for all the sweet reviews.**

**Part one - Rachel's Broadway debut! **

* * *

Opening night.

Her moment was finally here.

As Rachel made her way out of hair and make-up and headed back to her dressing room for a few final minutes of privacy, she was wished good luck by every single person she passed. She thanked each of them graciously but her thoughts were elsewhere.

Somewhere in the audience, she knew Santana and Brittany and Puck were waiting anxiously for the show to begin. In addition to them, Shelby had brought Beth. Rachel couldn't be more thrilled that the five of them were sitting out there, supporting her on her big night. But she couldn't stop the dull ache in her chest, either - in the back on her mind, she knew that Quinn and Finn should have been there, too.

When she finally reached her dressing room, she was about to enter when a hand on her shoulder stopped her. She turned and was met with the kind eyes of her director, a man named Kenny whom she respected and loved dearly.

"Rachel," he said warmly. "I just wanted to let you know how proud I am of you, and this entire show in general. You truly brought it to life and you are the kind of actress that every director dreams about working with. You're one in a million, kiddo."

She beamed at Kenny as she leaned forward and gave him a hug. "Kenny, I cannot possibly thank you enough for casting me. You are making my dreams come true. Please know that."

But the man shook his head. "No, Rachel. _You_ are making your dreams come true. Everyone else is just along for the ride."

He smiled and gave her hand a squeeze before walking away, calling out last-minute instructions as he walked down the long corridor of dressing rooms. Rachel shook her head, smiling to herself as she opened the door marked "Rachel Berry" with a golden star beneath her name.

When she walked into the room, her jaw dropped open as she caught sight of the white envelope taped to her mirror, accompanied by a single red rose.

Her eyes immediately filled with tears.

Quinn.

After carefully removing them from the mirror, she sat down and opened the envelope, pulling out a single sheet of paper.

_My beautiful Rachel,_

_This is it - your opening night on Broadway._

_From the moment I met you, I've never once doubted that you would one day make it to this point. I'll keep this letter short, because I know that you need time to breathe and focus and clear your mind. I just wanted to wish you good luck, not that you'll need it._

_Tonight, you're going to walk out onto that stage and kill it. I know you will. You are forever the most confident, talented, driven, dedicated, and inspiring person I know. I wish more than anything that I could be there in the audience, sitting with the others, to see you finally become the bright and shining star that I've always known you would be._

_The very first time I heard you sing wasn't once I'd joined the glee club, you know; it was actually a few weeks prior to that. I was walking down the hall on the way to my locker after Cheerio practice ended and I heard the sound of someone playing the piano. Curious about who could possibly still be at school so late, I peeked into the choir room and saw you sitting there, your fingers dancing over the piano keys, playing a slow and melancholy melody._

_Smirking, I was about to walk in and mock you for not having anywhere better to be after school (and here, as always, I need to once again apologize profusely for the way I used to treat you) when you opened your mouth and started to sing. Not loudly; you didn't blast the notes like I later found out you were capable of. You sang softly, the lyrics practically floating out of your mouth and into the room. Your voice blended so well with the crystal-clear piano notes and Rachel, I swear to god, I had never heard a more beautiful sound._

_Was it a coincidence that I just happened to pass by as you were singing "Cinderella", a song that always hit me incredibly deeply because it made me think of the relationship I so desperately wished I had with my father? Perhaps. The emotion you poured into your voice as you sang made tears well up in my eyes. I stood there hovering in the doorway of the choir room, silently crying and listening to you sing for what felt like an eternity._

_I didn't want the moment to end. Ever._

At this, Rachel had to pause reading and wipe the tears that had fallen from her own eyes. She remembered that day - it was her dad's birthday and she had been practicing for when she would sing to him later that night. It was her gift to him, because that song in particular represented the relationship the two of them had.

The fact that Quinn had overheard her singing and was reminded of what she wished she had with her own father sent a sharp pain spiraling through Rachel's heart.

_Rachel, when you sing, you do something to the people who are listening. You make them feel something that can't possibly be described with words - it's one of those things that you have to experience yourself in order to believe it's real._

_That's what you're going to do tonight. You're going to take a deep breath, step into the spotlight, and make the audience feel. As much as I wish I could tell you all this in person, I don't need to be there to know what the outcome will be. Your show is going to be a hit and you are going to be a star._

_I am more proud of you than you could ever imagine._

_Break a leg, superstar. I love you._

_\- Quinn_

Rachel gently placed Quinn's letter back into its envelope and picked up the rose. Closing her eyes, she held it close to her heart and inhaled deeply, breathing in the sweet, floral scent.

Two minutes later, there was a knock on her door.

"5 minute mark, Ms. Berry."

Rachel stood and shrugged off the robe that had been covering her dress for the first act. She adjusted her hair in the mirror for a few brief seconds before walking out of her dressing room. She made her way to the edge of the stage, safely hidden from the audience, and took several deep breaths as she waited for her cue.

Leaning back, she tilted her head and looked up into the rafters.

"I love you, Quinn. This one's for you."

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**Thank you so much for reading, reviews are always appreciated.**


	14. Chapter 13

**Part two of this update. Once again, it's short but this didn't require a lot. We've never really seen Shelby deal with Quinn and Beth and how she feels about her daughter's relationship with her birth mother. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Shelby was aware of the fact that Quinn had written letters to the people she loved, including Beth. Her daughter had come home the day before her 13th birthday and shared with Shelby the story of how Quinn had painstakingly spent months writing countless letters, all in an attempt to make sure that she people she cared most about would be okay after she was gone.

However, what she was unaware of was she would soon begin receiving letters of her own.

Several weeks after Beth turned thirteen, Shelby was going through the mailbox and found a white envelope in the stack of mail with her name written on it. No return address.

Curious, she went back inside and took a seat on the couch, opening the envelope. As soon as she did, she immediately knew who the letter was from.

_Shelby,_

_I'm sure you're surprised to be receiving a letter from me. I'm sorry for the shock of it, but I have just a few things to say to you regarding myself, you, and the daughter we share._

_First of all, before I say anything else, I need to say thank you for allowing Santana, Puck, Brittany, and Rachel to be part of Beth's life. I never questioned that you would, because I could tell from the moment I first saw you with her that you would do anything for her. I know how hard it must be for you sometimes to be around all of these people who constantly tell Beth how much she reminds them of me. And I know how painful it must be for you to be near Rachel so much. I realize the two of you have a good relationship now and are always constantly working on making it better, but I understand better than anyone else that no matter what, seeing a child that you had to give up is always going to hurt._

_So, thank you for all of that and more. Thank you so much,  
_

_Now, if Puck has done his job right, Beth should have turned thirteen a couple weeks ago. Hopefully that's right but if not, that's okay. It doesn't really matter when you read this as long as you do so before she starts high school and is truly a teenager.  
_

_Purely because you are a woman, you know how incredibly hard the teenage years can be for girls. They're more or less awful, to put it bluntly, no matter who you are on the social ladder at school. Your emotions run wild and at one point or another, you completely lose your sense of who you are._

_That said, I think you'll find Beth's teenage years slightly different than you would if you had a different daughter whose birth mother was not me or one who has not spent most of her life surrounded by a group of loving, supportive adults._

_Beth will handle high school with grace and poise. I know this, because I know how she's being raised. She has you as her loving mom, and you'll support her forever and give her a safe place to come home to every night. She has Puck, a complete bonehead at times but I promise you, if you can't already tell, he loves Beth more than air. She has Brittany, who will give her a stress outlet, whether it's through dancing or doing something simple, like walking around the pond and feeding the ducks. She has Rachel, who as you know went through utter hell at school when she was growing up and will teach Beth how to stay strong through it all. And she has Santana, who will never hesitate to be there for Beth when she needs her._

_However, if Beth is anything like me, and I know she is, I know she'll feel a constant anxiety and pressure in social situations due to her looks. Of course, Beth is a much better person than I ever was. She'll hate people acknowledging her looks, but it will be because she's modest and humble and disagrees when people tell her she's beautiful. I hated people acknowledging my looks as well, but it wasn't because I was humble - I was extremely aware of the fact that I was prettier than every single girl at school because that's all I ever heard. I was raised, practically bred, to be perfect. Unlike me, Beth has grown up being told that she's beautiful both for her looks and her personality. I was never told the latter._

_But even though the reasons are different, Beth will still feel that same anxiety and she'll hate it. I don't want anything or anyone to ever destroy her self-confidence or more importantly, her happiness. As she gets older, people at school and in life will only continue to expect more from her and that scares me to no end._

_I know I don't have to ask, but please just make sure Beth always knows how incredible she is for more reasons that her being pretty. You are such a loving mom to her, Shelby, and I can take a few ticks off my stress level knowing that you will be there for her no matter what._

_And before I end this, just a warning - Puck will probably go into father overload soon because as we both know, boys won't be able to keep their eyes off of Beth. I have no doubt she'll be asked on countless dates and while I have every confidence that Beth will be completely capable of handling that herself, it will drive Puck nuts to see her growing up. He'll be even more of an idiot than usual, but it will be purely out of love. Be patient with him.  
_

_On a more serious note, Santana will soon start to be extremely watchful of Beth, even more so than she already is, because she grew up with me and knows how hard school, especially high school, was for me. She may hover and feel the need to constantly check up on Beth, both with her and with you. If she ever gets to be too much, please don't hesitate to call Brittany. She'll talk to Santana and remind her that though Beth may be **like** me, she is **not** me. She'll handle San and everything will be okay. I promise.  
_

_I can't count how many times I've thanked you for taking Beth in when Puck and I couldn't keep her, but I need to say it again. Always. You opened up your heart to her and to us and for that, no amount of thanks will ever be enough._

_I know the relationship that you and I have is unique and odd and perhaps even sometimes hard for us as well as others to understand, but I do love you, Shelby. I love you and I am so grateful, both for you and to you._

_Love, Quinn_

Shelby sighed deeply as she finished reading the letter, and then sighed again with a sad and heavy ache in her heart. It had been six years since Quinn had died, but the blonde's death was just as hard as ever to deal with.

As she walked into the kitchen and began to prepare dinner while she waited for Beth to return home from dance, Shelby pondered over Quinn's letter and her advice. It was no shock that Beth was a very pretty girl, and her resemblance to Quinn was uncanny. However, Shelby had never really thought about what looks like that would mean for Beth once the girl entered high school.

Now that the topic had been presented to her, Shelby found herself slightly worried about how Beth would handle herself and the pressure she was bound to feel from her peers. But almost as quickly as the thought entered her mind, it was vanquished by Quinn's words. The blonde was right; Beth was in the midst of growing up constantly surrounded by amazing friends and a supportive group of adults that would all give their life for the girl.

Beth both was and was not her birth mother. Even Shelby, who hadn't spent close to as much time with Quinn as, for example, Santana or Puck had, could see the similarities between Quinn and Beth, both physical and emotional. They were both more on the quiet side, intelligent, charming in social situations, poised, and kept their emotions in check for the most part. They rarely showed affection through touch and although both had incredibly close friends, they were loners at the same time.

But there were differences, too. Where Quinn had been extremely closed off emotionally, Beth made an effort to be open with the people she loved. When Quinn had turned on the charm when interacting with people, it had been because she had been trained by her family to do so. Beth possessed the same talent, but was genuine when using it. While it had taken Quinn a long, long time to be able to accept love from people rather than pushing them away, Beth had been nearly drowned in love for her entire life and was, as a result, an incredibly loving girl herself.

As Shelby thought this over, she could feel herself growing more and more confident that all would be well. Quinn was right to be worried, as was she, but it was comforting to know that deep down, both she and the blonde felt that Beth would be okay. Her teenage years would be difficult for everyone involved but ultimately, things would be fine.

She smiled to herself. Shelby had always admired Quinn for how brave and how strong she was, but it wasn't until she read Quinn's letter that she realized she was not only glad but proud that Beth was turning out to be so much like her birth mother.

"I'm thankful for you, Quinn Fabray," she mused out loud. "And I love you, too."

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**Reviews always appreciate, I hope you liked it! **


	15. Chapter 14

**Thank you all for your sweet reviews. They make me smile.**

**This one's a bit longer than most of the letters have been but I had a lot to say. Well...Quinn had a lot to say.**

**Santana's 25th birthday! Enjoy.**

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Santana got her second letter on her 25th birthday.

It had been three years but thinking too much about Quinn's death could still make her breathless with pain. She loved Brittany and Puck and Rachel and Shelby and Beth – _god_, she loved that little girl – but there was never a moment that went by that she didn't miss her best friend.

When Puck dropped off the letter at her house, he could see the pain in her eyes and it hurt his heart. He gave her a sad smile and kissed her forehead.

"Happy birthday, San."

She hugged him tightly. "I love you, asshole."

* * *

_S,_

_Happy 25th birthday to my oldest, closest, and best friend. It's been about three years since my death and much longer than that since our cheerleading days, but I'm still your captain and I'm still in charge. I have things to say to you, Santana Lopez, so I'm going to talk and you're going to listen._

_20 years ago, you and I met Brittany S. Pierce. You were completely head-over-heels from the very first day but, as you know, I didn't like her at first._

_Pause. It wasn't that I didn't like her. But we'll get to that in a minute._

_You'll remember obviously that even though we met her in kindergarten, I refused to let you play with her until first grade. Do you know why that was, San?_

_I could tell from the start how delighted, intrigued, and in love you were with Brittany. And why wouldn't you be? She was tall and blonde, with sparkling blue eyes and a sweet smile. I knew how desperately you wanted to be friends with her but I also knew that your sense of loyalty to me meant that you wouldn't approach her until I gave you the go-ahead._

_I'm sure you're already aware of this, and maybe you always have been, but I never hated Britt. Much like with Rachel, I was scared; though with her, I'll admit, it was a lot worse because we were older and by that time, I was fully aware of the power I held over people. Still, the idea of Brittany was terrifying to me because in my eyes, she was a threat. A threat to my friendship with you and even at age five, you were never something I was willing to risk losing._

_You and I argued a lot when we were younger and I'm ashamed to say that I won most of those arguments because I knew how to guilt-trip you into giving in. But the one thing you never gave up was Brittany._

_Finally in first grade, I relented and allowed you to befriend her. Do you remember that conversation, S? I do._

_It was the second week of first grade and we had gone to your house one day after school. In the middle of whatever movie we were watching, you looked over to where I sat on the couch,_

_"Q?" you said hesitantly. "I really want us to play with Brittany tomorrow. I promise if you still don't like her after that, I won't ask anymore and we don't have to play with her ever again."_

_It wasn't the first time you had asked, but that – the fact that you were willing to give up being friends with Brittany as long as I agreed to give her a chance? I think ultimately that's what made me change my mind._

_You've always been ready to give up the world for me._

_"Fine," I sighed. "Tomorrow."_

_Your eyes widened. "Really?" you asked, stunned because I'm sure you had been expecting the normal, negative answer I usually gave you._

_But I nodded. "Yes. Really."_

_"Thanks, Q!"_

_You turned your attention back to the movie and I glanced at you and even then, I could tell how excited you were. As for me? I was scared out of my mind._

_As you know, the next day didn't go well. Not at first, anyway. I was mean to Brittany on purpose because I wanted to scare her off, but you saw right through me._

_"You're jealous because Brittany is happy and you're never happy because you care too much about being the best. You're not perfect, Quinn."_

_At those words, coming from your mouth, I felt a kind of pain that I had never felt before and I could tell you knew instantly that you had gone too far._

_You immediately tried to apologize but I turned my back to you and Brittany and walked away. I didn't want you to see me cry. I sat down on a nearby bench by myself until Brittany came over and sat next to me. She was so gentle and sweet with me that I started to cry, because suddenly I couldn't believe I had tried to be mean to someone who I knew would never want to hurt me._

_Brittany's words were like a band-aid on my wounds. She knew exactly what to say. So, I offered her my friendship (and by default, yours) and she happily accepted before pleading with me to make up with you. I was hurting but I knew it was something that I had to do, so I asked her to send you to me and she did._

_You sat down by my side and I could tell that you knew you were in trouble. After a few minutes of silence, staring out at the playground, you turned to me and spoke._

_"I didn't mean what I said, Quinn."_

_"I know," I said, and I did know. "I didn't mean to scare Brittany. I told her I wanted her to be friends with us."_

_"Really?"_

_"Yeah, really."_

_"That's cool, Q."_

_I nodded but still, your words played themselves over and over in my head._

_"I know I'm not perfect. But I have to try to be. For Daddy."_

_At that, your dark eyes filled with tears._

_"I'm sorry," you whispered. I looked at you and sighed. Even though I was still mad, I couldn't stand seeing you upset; I never have. So I took your hand in mine and held it._

_"Don't…" I swallowed. It's never been easy for me to be vulnerable. "Don't do it again. Please."_

_"I won't," you said immediately, sitting up and wiping your eyes. "I promise."_

_True to your word, you never hurt me like that ever again. We continued to fight as we grew up but even when you were furious with me, you never said anything like you did that day._

_(I realize how much all of this is hitting your guilt triggers but you know I got over it a long, long time ago, S.)_

_From then on, we formed a tight trio with Britt. It was rare to see one of us without the other two and that's how it remained, for the most part, from kindergarten to senior year. We did everything, went through everything, together. We were inseparable._

_However, even in the beginning, there was always something between you and Brittany that I wasn't part of. I may have known you and been able to read you better than anyone else, but Brittany could light you up like a Christmas tree. She still can. You never failed to reassure me that I was your first best friend, but I knew there was something you had with Brittany that you didn't have with me._

_It wasn't until we were a little older – middle school maybe – that I began to realize that what you felt for Brittany was love. I mean, you loved me but you** loved** her. You never actually said it but I could tell and so could Brittany. However, it was a lot easier for her to accept than it was for you._

_Was that because of your family? Your religion? Maybe. But you and I are so alike, San, and emotions like love always automatically equal vulnerability and danger in our eyes. I think you were more afraid of Brittany rejecting you and your heart getting broken than you were of what anyone would think._

_I was never sure if you were aware that I knew how you felt about her but it wasn't until the summer before sophomore year that we said it and acknowledged it out loud._

_I know it's going to hurt you to read the next part, because most of that night is not a happy memory._

_Friday night, end of the summer, annual back to school party at Puck's house. So typical._

_I had just finished playing a drinking game when Brittany walked up to me, her blue eyes sad._

_"B? What's wrong?" I asked, concerned. I looked over her shoulder, expecting you to walk up behind her and join us. But you didn't and that set warning bells off in my head. "And where's San? Weren't you with her?"_

_Britt nodded, her expression miserable. "We were together in the living room and she had just started to kiss me and it was totally awesome…" As she trailed off momentarily, my eyes widened. Britt has never been one to leave out details and this was no exception. "But then a guy on the football team came up to us and called us lesbos and San pushed me away from her and him that she could show him just how straight she was. So she left me there and grabbed his hand and they went upstairs."_

_At that, Brittany finally looked at me and there were tears shining in her eyes. "San kisses me all the time, you know," she said, but I didn't know; that was news to me. "And I really like it and I really like her and I know San likes me and totally likes kissing me, too. But she's only like that when no one else is around. Anytime there are guys around, she's like all over them and I know that me and her can never really be together like I want us to be but sometimes when we're alone…" She wiped her eyes and shrugged. "Wishful thinking, I guess."_

_In all the years I'd known her, I had never heard Brittany sound so sad and for the first time since we were five years old, and I'm so sorry I have to say this, I wanted to hit you._

_"Baby B," I said gently, and she smiled at me because that nickname has never failed to charm her. I reached out and ran my fingers through her hair affectionately. "Stay down here, okay? I'll go find Santana and fix this."_

_"Are you going to be mean to her?"_

_"Yes," I answered truthfully. "But only enough to make her realize that hurting you like this is wrong."_

_Brittany studied me and I knew she would see how furious I was with you._

_"Go easy on her, Quinn. Please. This is super hard for her, too, even if she won't admit it."_

_I hesitated but eventually nodded and gave her a hug before I marched upstairs._

_I found you in Puck's room, with your shirt thrown to the ground, underneath whatever douchebag you were making out with. I wasted no time in walking over to the bed, ripping him off of you, and shoving him to the ground._

_"What the fuck!" he yelled, scrambling to his feet. You started to yell too, but I ignored you. He glowered at me and moved to take a step in my direction but I channeled every ounce of my father that I had in me and looked his straight in the eye._

_"It would be smart for you to leave. NOW." I said._

_He took a step back, still scowling, but I could see the fear in his eyes._

_"Cockblock," he muttered as he left the room and slammed the door behind him._

_You whirled around to face me, your dark eyes glowing with anger._

_"Put your shirt back on," I said calmly, holding it out to you. You snatched it from my hands and glared murderously at me._

_"What the fuck is your problem?" you spat, and I stepped so close to you and so quickly that you automatically backed away._

_"My problem," I said in a low tone of voice, "is that you're up here letting some asshole that you don't know or give a shit about feel you up while Brittany, your best friend, is downstairs in tears. I can't believe you would treat her like this. What's my problem? Seriously? Look in the mirror and ask yourself the same question."_

_"You are such a bitch!" you shrieked. "You have no right to come in here all high and mighty and lecture me about Brittany. You don't know shit about me and her—"_

_My hand shot out like lightning and I slapped you._

_"Don't you dare fucking tell me that I don't know anything about you and Brittany, Santana Lopez. We have been friends for 10 years. Do you think I'm blind? Brittany wouldn't hurt you for the world and yet, you're up here with someone else? You're a coward and Brittany deserves better."_

_At that, you swung out your arm and smacked me across my mouth harder than I had ever been hit. My hand flew to my burning lips and when I pulled it away, my trembling fingers were covered in blood._

_"Why are you doing this!" I cried._

_"Because I love her," you yelled at me and we both froze for a heartbeat before you sank to the ground and start to sob._

_Slowly, ignoring the pain that had erupted across my jawline, I moved until I was sitting next to you and tentatively took one of your hands, entwining our fingers. I could taste blood in my mouth but I didn't care. We sat like that until eventually you looked up at me with eyes red from crying._

_"You knew, didn't you." It was a statement, not a question._

_"Yes. I knew."_

_"How long?"_

_"Always."_

_"Really?"_

_"Well, technically middle school. But really, if I think about it? Always."_

_You sighed and we fell silent again._

_"I know she deserves better than me," you said quietly._

_"No, San," I spoke immediately. "I was so wrong to say that. You are the best person in the entire world for Brittany. Just not like this."_

_"I can't stand hurting her," you whispered, your dark eyes shining with tears. "But it's so hard. I know she loves me too, but what if she changes her mind one day? What if I give her my heart and one day, she realizes that loving me was a mistake? I try to picture my life without her and it makes me fucking breathless. I'm so scared, Quinn."_

_"Love is scary," I stated simply. "But Britt is worth it. She loves you so much and always has and always will. I promise. But not if you keep pushing her away."_

_You put your head on my shoulder momentarily._

_"I'm sorry I hit you," you murmured._

_"Likewise."_

_"Yeah but I hit you a lot harder than you hit me, Q. Let me look at your lip."_

_I dutifully remained still as you gently examined my busted bottom lip._

_"Damn," you winced. "Come on, let's get that cleaned up before Britt sees you and has a heart attack."_

_We locked ourselves in the bathroom and I let you run a wet paper towel over my mouth until all traces of blood were gone._

_I examined my face in the mirror. "Well, Daddy's not going to be pleased but I'll tell him I got kicked during a Cheerio stunt gone wrong and he'll deal."_

_You laughed and moved to open the door but I reached out and caught your hand._

_"San. I'm sorry I had to be so mean. It hurts me to hurt you but I had to. For Britt."_

_You looked into my eyes. "You don't have to be sorry, Q." You leaned forward and very gently, you kissed the exact spot that your hand had struck my bottom lip. "Te amo."_

_I smiled. "Te amo."_

_For 20 years, San, you have loved Brittany. Like I said in the beginning of this letter, I may be gone but I'm still the head bitch in charge. I'm still your captain. And what I say goes, right?_

_I want you to propose to Brittany, San. I want you to ask Rachel to help you plan it out and I want you to sweep Britts of her feet and I want you to get your fucking girl and live happily ever after forever with her, because she's the best thing that has ever happened to you and it's the same for her. You two belong together more than any two people I've ever met in my entire life._

_You deserve your happy ending, S. I'm sorry that I made you read all this shit and relive those memories, but I think it's the push you need to fully realize how much you always have and always will love Brittany._

_I wish more than anything that I could watch my two best friends in the world end up together. Go get your girl, San._

_I love you more than air, but don't you believe for a second that I won't haunt your ass for the rest of your life if you don't listen to me._

_Happy birthday, bitch._

_\- Q_

* * *

Two weeks later, Santana got down on her knees and asked Brittany to marry her. The blonde gave her a tearful yes before hurling herself into Santana's arms.

Beth would be their flower girl. Rachel was to be Brittany's Maid of Honor and Puck cried when Santana asked him to be her best man. The other original glee club members would make up the rest of their wedding party.

And on their wedding day, just before she was about to walk down the aisle, Santana smiled and kissed the small, red _Q_ that was tattooed on her left wrist.


	16. Chapter 15

**Sorry it's taken awhile to update! I've been busy with school and another story I'm currently working on. Thanks everyone for being patient, I hope this story still interests you! **

**Enjoy.**

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Junior prom. Beth's first big dance and she was going with Griffin, who had steadily gone from friend to best friend to boyfriend. Luckily, all the members of Beth's extended family adored him.

Shelby had been ecstatic when Beth came home, stars in her eyes as she told her mom she had officially been asked to her first prom and asking when they could go dress shopping.

"Mom, please can Santana and Britts and Rachel come with us? I feel like I need to ask you because maybe you want the dress shopping thing to be just a mother-daughter thing and I would totally understand that. But if you don't mind, I'd really like them to come with us because their opinions matter to me and I want you all to help me pick out my very first prom dress."

Shelby laughed, "Beth, sweetie, breathe. Of course you can invite them; you and I do mother-daughter things all the time and I know that this is a big deal for you. We can go on Saturday if everyone can make it."

"Thank you so much! I'll go call them right now!"

Shelby smiled as she watched her daughter run out of the room. Beth was sixteen and beautiful and growing every day – but she was still her little girl that got very animated and excited about anything and everything.

By that night, everything was set: Santana and Rachel would fly in on Friday, take part in the shopping on Saturday, and fly back to New York on Sunday, where Rachel was in workshop for another show and Santana was working as her publicist. Seeing Brittany was never a problem because she had her dance studio in Lima. Puck was currently out in California working on playing back-up for Mercedes' latest album but that wasn't an issue – this was more of a girl thing, anyway.

When the doorbell rang on Saturday morning, Beth flew downstairs to answer it.

"Big sis!" she squealed and threw her arms around Rachel, who laughed breathlessly and hugged her back.

"Hi, baby sis!"

"I am so thoroughly and completely ecstatic that you and San are here! I've been waiting for you guys to get here for ages. I'm so happy that you could make it!"

Shelby's heart swelled with affection as she watched her two daughters embrace. It had been slightly and obviously tense when Rachel first entered Beth's life; it wasn't easy for her or Shelby to be around each other with their history. However, Rachel was 31 and had grown up and formed a tight relationship with her birthmother. Shelby, once she realized how much she had let Rachel down, had made a tremendous effort to be a part of her life. They were trying and that was enough and there was nothing that made Shelby smile more than seeing Beth and Rachel together.

"Ahem. No love for me?"

Beth released Rachel and flung herself at Santana, who smirked as she caught the girl and whirled her around.

"S! I'm going to prom!"

"That you are, baby girl," Santana said, gently placing the younger girl down again. "You ready to go get yourself a hot dress? You already snatched a hot date."

"Yes! Give me one second to grab my bag!"

"Just one second? Hyperbolic much?"

"Okay, sarcasm? Annoying much?"

Santana laughed as Beth glared at her, then winked and sprinted back upstairs. Shaking her head, she said, "Hi, Shelby. Damn, she's sassy! Wonder who she got that from."

Shelby and Rachel glanced at each other, then Santana, and burst out laughing.

"I think it's safe to say she got that from you, _Sass_-tana," Rachel said, reaching out and affectionately tugging on Santana's ponytail.

"Please. It must be the Q genes. Shelby, back me up!"

"Unfortunately, I have to agree with Rachel," Shelby said, shrugging as Rachel beamed and Santana huffed.

Santana opened her mouth to reply but at that moment, Beth came thundering back downstairs. "I'm back!" she announced. "So stop talking about me and let's go go go!"

As the feisty brunette breezed past the three women and out the door, they all simultaneously shook their heads.

"She's so excited," Santana murmured.

Rachel nodded in agreement, "It's very cute."

"She won't tell you this but I will," Shelby said quietly. "Obviously she's excited but I think she's also nervous and playing up her enthusiasm a bit to cover up the nerves."

"Nervous? Why?"

"Well for one thing, she got nominated for prom queen."

Santana stilled and Rachel's eyes widened.

"Really?"

"Yes. But she's nervous about it, and also slightly uncomfortable. I can tell. And…honestly, I think she's missing Quinn a little more than usual right now." Shelby turned to Santana, "I think you should talk to her. I know it will bring up memories and it might be hard to talk about but the idea of prom and prom queen plays so many parallels with Quinn and I can't talk to her about that. Only you can."

"Hello! Important women of my life! We need to go pick up Brittany!"

They all turned to see Beth standing in front of the car and impatiently stamping her foot.

Santana snorted, "She may have picked up the sass from me but the foot thing? That's _all_ you, Rach."

"No comment."

As Rachel walked away to soothe Beth, Shelby turned back to Santana. "Will you talk to her?" she asked.

Santana thought back to the promise she had made Quinn after reading the blonde's first letter to her. She couldn't go back on it now.

"Yes. I'll talk to her."

An hour later, Beth had tried on ten dresses and so far, she'd hated them all. She was growing increasingly frustrated, as were the three women who sat with her in the dressing room. Shelby wouldn't stop playing the _that dress is inappropriate_ mom card, Rachel was being too nice, and Santana was being too brutally honest. Brittany was being perfect but no surprise there.

"Okay. What do you think of this one?" Beth stepped out in a turquoise, strapless, _very_ short dress.

"Sweetie, don't you think it's a little…"

"A little what?" Beth asked testily.

"Well…"

Rachel jumped in, "Beth, what I believe your mother is trying to say is that that dress is just slightly too–"

"Oh, Jesus. It's too short, Beth. If you bend over, your entire – excuse my language – ass will be out for show and tell."

"Santana!"

"What, Rachel? You know it's true."

"I think it looks fine," Beth snarled, glaring daggers at Santana. "And who are you to talk about too short? I've seen pictures of the dresses that _you_ wear to fancy cocktail dinners when you and Rachel are in New York - if you could even call them dresses. Are you sure they're not just stretched-out shirts?"

"Beth!" Shelby exclaimed, shocked.

"Oh, hell no! Don't you start throwing attitude at _me_, little girl," Santana fired back, and Brittany sighed, knowing it was time to intervene.

"Okay! Stop. Enough. San, go cool off _now_. No questions." Santana glared murderously but whipped around and walked off. Brittany shook her head sadly as she continued, "Rach, please go with her and make sure she's okay. You know she's only acting out because this is making her think about Q." Rachel nodded and hurriedly ran off after Santana. Finally, Brittany turned to Shelby and said, "I'm sorry, Shelby, but do you think you could give me and Beth a minute alone?"

Shelby nodded, "Of course. Beth, text me when you two are done."

"Whatever."

Shelby left and Beth glared at Brittany. "Seriously? You made everyone leave? What do you want, Brittany?"

In that moment, Beth's tone of voice made her sound so much like Head Cheerio/Angry!Quinn that Brittany paused and blinked before saying, "Okay? Full-stop. Beth, I love you so much that I can't even breathe sometimes but you need to stop being mean right now or I'll call this whole day off. I really, really don't want to and it's not totally your fault but you're kind of making this difficult for everyone and you know the others will listen to me if I say it's time to go home. Are you in a place that you can hear what I'm saying right now?"

Beth nodded sulkily, knowing that the tall blonde was right, and Brittany continued, "Good. Now, clearly something's wrong and you're not feeling okay about it because if you were, everything would be fine right now and it's not. Do you want to tell me what's up?"

There was a long pause; so long that Brittany spoke again, softening her tone of voice, "Talk to me, Baby B."

At the gentle use of her favorite nickname, tears welled up in Beth's eyes. "I miss Quinn," she whispered. "And I wish she was here to help with all this prom stuff. I love you and San and Rach and Mom and I appreciate so much that you're all here with me today but…"

"But there's something missing," Brittany filled in for her and Beth nodded, the tears slipping silently down her face. "Come here."

Beth walked over to where the blonde sat on a bench in the dressing room and didn't protest when Brittany pulled her down onto her lap and wrapped her arms around her waist.

"I know you miss her," Brittany said quietly. "I miss her, too. It's been eight years but I miss her every single minute of every single day. So does San and so does Rachel and so does Puck. It still hurts us, just like it still hurts you. Look at me." Beth looked into Brittany's sweet, sad blue eyes. "You know that's why Santana is being mean, right?"

Beth nodded and Brittany continued, "It's a trait that San and Quinn shared. Their default when they were sad or upset was to be mean, and it's something that you inherited, too. That's not necessarily a bad thing but Beth? I'm your sister so be honest with me – did you put on some of those super dresses on purpose?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I miss Quinn and I wanted an excuse to get mad so I picked dresses I knew everyone would hate so that I could be mean when they said they didn't approve."

Brittany nodded. She had recognized it as soon as Beth tried on the first dress. She pressed a kiss against Beth's temple and said, "I get that you needed to be mad to cover up being sad, but it's not okay for you to take it out on us anymore than it is for San to be a bitch because she misses Q."

"I'm sorry," Beth whispered, another tear slipping down her face.

Brittany hugged her tightly. "I know this is hard for you, Beth. It's hard for us, too."

Beth sighed and briefly leaned her head against Brittany's.

"I love you," Brittany murmured.

"I love you, too, Britts. I really am sorry, and I'll apologize to everyone else, too. Mom first. Can you go make sure Santana is okay? I'll text Mom and we'll talk while she helps me pick out some better dresses."

"Got it and on it." Brittany released her hold on Beth and ruffled her dark brown hair as she said, "Sometimes you have to sink a little before you can swim again. Figure you can only go up towards the surface from here."

* * *

Brittany found Rachel and Santana sitting on a bench outside of the dressing room. Santana's eyes were red and knowing she had been crying made Brittany's heart clench. As she approached the bench, Rachel stood up and Brittany could see the distress in her eyes.

"I tried my best, Brittany, but…"

Brittany gave Rachel a hug. "You did fine, Rach. Thank you. Go find Beth and Shelby and help them pick some new dresses. We'll be there soon."

Rachel nodded and went off to find her mother and sister as Brittany took a seat next to Santana. She was sat there in silence, patiently waiting for Santana to speak.

Finally, Santana looked up at Brittany. Regret filled her heart and her eyes.

"Did you talk to Beth?"

Brittany nodded, "Yep. She misses Q, just like you do. You two are honestly as bad as each other."

Santana sighed and rested her head on Brittany's shoulder. Brittany took her hand and laced their fingers together.

"It's never going to go away, is it?" Santana asked quietly.

"Missing Quinn? No. You'll always miss her. I will too, and so will everyone else. But just like I just told Beth, it's not fair for you to take it out on us."

"I know, Britts. Is Beth okay?"

"Yeah, she's good. Sad but you know. She's Beth but she's also Quinn. So she'll be fine. You two need to talk about this but I think you should save it for prom night when you give her the picture that Q asked you to save for her. It'll mean more coming from you and coming from Quinn on the actual night. You do need to apologize now, though, and so does she."

"I know."

As the two women stood up, Brittany kissed Santana and smiled at her. "Sorry I had to put my foot down but if I had let that go on any longer, you and Beth would've ripped each other's throats out."

"Right?" Santana laughed. "Beth's a little firecracker. Griffin better watch out."

Brittany grinned as she led Santana back into the dressing room, where they found Shelby and Rachel sitting on a bench and waiting outside a closed stall.

"Hi, guys. Sorry for the dramatics," Santana said, walking over to them. "Thanks for sitting with me, Rach."

"Of course, Santana. Sit with us," Rachel said excitedly. "I think we might have found Beth's prom dress. Don't you think so, Shelby?"

"I do," Shelby agreed.

"Really? What color is it?"

Before anyone could answer, Beth stepped out in a beautiful strapless dress that ended a couple inches above her knees. It was baby blue – exactly the same color that Quinn had worn to their junior prom.

Rachel and Shelby both put their hands to their hearts and tears filled Santana's eyes as Beth slowly twirled for them and smiled. Her dark brown hair fanned out over her shoulders and in that moment, the four women with her all thought that she looked incredibly and charmingly like her birth parents.

"Well…what do you think?"

"Yes. Oh, Beth, you look so beautiful," Shelby said.

"I'm in absolute agreement."

"That's totally the one, Beth."

"Santana? What do you think?"

Santana walked over to Beth and pulled her into a hug. "I think" she said, "that Griffin is going to have a really hard time keeping his hormones to himself."

"Santana!"

"No, San's right, Rach. This will probably sound wrong because we're all family but Beth looks totally hot."

Beth laughed into Santana's hair and whispered, "I'm sorry for being such a bitch."

"Back atcha," Santana replied, pulling back and kissing Beth's forehead. "I love you, baby girl."

"I love you, too."

Brittany smiled.

Everything would be fine.

* * *

Three weeks later. Prom night. Puck was back from California, and Santana and Rachel flew in again for the weekend.

Griffin was extremely anxious as he rang Beth's doorbell. She had assured him numerous times that her family loved him but still – it was prom and their first big night as a couple and he was nervous.

His nerves slightly evaporated when Shelby opened the door. "Griffin!" she exclaimed, smiling warmly at him. "You look wonderful. Please, come in. Everyone's in the living room and Beth is upstairs putting on the finished touches."

"Thank you, Ms. Corcoran."

Shelby smiled. He was nervous. It was sweet.

She led him into the living room, where Puck, Rachel, and Brittany were chatting away. Rachel's eyes lit up when she caught sight of Griffin.

"Griffin! Oh my gosh, you look so handsome!"

Brittany nodded in agreement, "You look totally awesome, Griffin. Beth's going to be so delightedly thrilled."

"Brittany, I love you so much for using those words."

Griffin grinned. He loved Beth's sisters. "Thank you," he said and Rachel beamed at him.

"Griff, looking good, man."

Puck reached out and shook Griffin's hand, squeezing it only slightly too hard because he liked Griffin – but Beth was his little girl and it was his job as her dad to scare any and every possible boyfriend she would ever have.

Griffin held back a wince and instead leaned closer to Puck, whispering, "Got it. Message received."

Puck let out a laugh and Griffin grinned, ducking his head. "Where's Santana?" he asked.

"She's upstairs with Beth but sit tight. They should be down any minute."

**Meanwhile, upstairs…**

"Do I look okay?"

Santana turned around and stood up from Beth's bed as Beth walked out of the bathroom connected to her bedroom. Her long dark hair hung down in back in loose ringlets and two tiny braids formed an almost-crown around the top of her head. Her eyes were rimmed with black, highlighting how deeply hazel they were, and she had gone with silvery-blue eye shadow to match her dress. Pink lips gloss covered her pouty lips and when she smiled, she literally glowed.

"You look beautiful, B. I have something for you." Santana handed her a picture, "Quinn made me promise to give this to you on your first prom night."

Beth took the picture and tears filled her eyes. It was Quinn, her Mommy Quinn, smiling and holding a tiny baby.

"That's me?"

"That's you. Your mom loved you so much, Beth, and she would have been so proud of you."

Beth gazed down at the picture, running a finger down the length of Quinn's face. Suddenly, she threw arms around Santana and whispered, "Thank you, S."

Santana sighed as she held the girl. "This is going to sound way too affectionate and sappy for me but I love you so much more than you could possibly imagine."

Beth laughed and blinked her tears away. "I love you, too. Walk me downstairs?"

"You'd never have to ask."

* * *

"Oh!"

Rachel's exclamation caused everyone in the living room to turn. Griffin felt his heart swell; there was Beth, being led down the staircase by Santana.

Rachel and Shelby instantly started wiping tears from their eyes. Puck reached out and Beth took his hand, laughing as he twirled her around.

"Do I look pretty, Daddy?"

Puck felt his throat contract. "You do, squirt. Our angel would agree."

Beth put her delicate hand to his cheek and he held it against his face as she smiled at him. He released her hand and kissed it before she turned to Griffin.

"Hi, Griff."

"You look incredible, Beth," he said, and all of the adults smiled. "I have your corsage."

From behind his back, he pulled out a beautiful corsage with a single white gardenia in the center. Rachel gasped and look at Brittany, Santana, and Puck but they all shook their heads, just as stunned.

Was it pure coincidence that Griffin had chosen the exact flower for Beth that her mother had once had at her prom? They would never know but all of them felt Quinn with them as they watched Griffin slip the corsage onto Beth's wrist.

After a million pictures, Griffin helped Beth into the limo that his dad had helped him hire and the two happy teenagers waved to Beth's face as they drove away. The adults waved back, smiling and satisfied.

Junior prom. It was perfect.

* * *

**There you go! Thanks for reading and thank you in advance if you review. I hope this is living up to people's expectations!**


	17. Chapter 16

**Thank you a million times to everyone's who has read this and thank you a million more times to everyone who has reviewed. I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys!**

**Very short chapter full of very random letters and Beth's high school graduation. Next up will be a lot of Quinn and a lot of flashbacks.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_Hi, duckling,_

_Today has been so hard._

_I'm in so much pain. Physically, my body's giving up on me. Every day, my heart screams at me that it's done trying and that it's exhausted and then it cries because it wants to give up. But my mind is always there and fiercely growls, "NO. Your work is not done yet."_

_Beth came to see me today and I think it's finally starting to hit her that we're never going to have visits that don't take place at the hospital or in quiet places, like Puck's house. She was sitting in my lap while we watched a movie, and she turned around to face me and said, "Mommy, I have a question."_

_""What is it, Beth?"_

_"Are you going to get better?"_

_As she asked, she looked up into my eyes with her eyes that are my eyes and I forgot how to breathe. How do you answer a question like that? How do you tell your precious, angelic child that no, you're not going to get better?_

_But I couldn't lie to her._

_"No, baby girl," I said. "I'm not going to get better."_

_She sat with that answer for awhile; I could practically see the gears spinning in her head as she worked it out. Finally, she looked at me again._

_"What happens to people who never get better?"_

_"They hold on for as long as they can."_

_"And after that?"_

_"After that…they let go."_

_"Are you – you're not going to…" Her bottom lip trembled slightly. "Are you still holding on?"_

_"For as long as I can, baby."_

_"I don't want you to let go," she whispered. "Please don't let go." Tears filled my eyes and tears filled her eyes and the room around us faded as she wrapped herself around me and we cried._

_I can't believe I'm going to have to let her go, Britts. The thought of having to leave her behind isn't just breaking my heart; it's taking a sledgehammer and shattering my heart into a million tiny pieces with no hopes of ever being glued together again._

_I'm sorry you have to read this, B, because I know how much it probably hurts. But writing it down is like talking to you and it helps and maybe that's selfish of me but I'm a selfish person._

_I want so many things that I know I can't have. I want to see you and Santana get married and make fun of San for being whipped and tell you how pretty you look in your wedding dress. I want to see Rachel perform onstage in her opening night on Broadway and cheer louder than anyone else in the audience and greet her afterwards with a single red rose and press my lips against hers again because even though I love Puck, I still love her, too. I want to spend the rest of my life arguing over stupid things with Puck and rolling my eyes when he calls me baby mama and give him the promise of forever that he deserves._

_And Beth._

_I want to lean my head against Puck's shoulder as we watch Beth dance in her first recital and clap enthusiastically when she sings for us and spoil her rotten every year on her birthday. I want to be there for her first boyfriend, her first dance, her first kiss, her first prom, her first broken heart. I want to go to her graduation and her wedding and be there for her when she cries and smile with her when she's happy. I want to watch her grow up into the incredibly and beautiful girl I know she's going to be._

_I want all of these things but I know that I can't have any of them. I can wish for more time all I want but in reality, I'm not going to get any. I can't hold on for much longer and I'm so scared of letting go – not for myself, but for everyone I'm leaving behind._

_There's nothing I can do but write. That's all I do these days. When no one else is here, I write and write and write until I can't see anymore because I've fallen asleep or my vision has yet again blurred with tears that I don't allow myself to cry. I write until my hand cramps painfully and I have to massage it before I can even think about picking up my pen again. I write until my mind goes numb and I can't think straight anymore._

_But no matter how many letters I write, it's never going to be enough. There's no possible way for me to address every birthday, every anniversary, every significant milestone in the lives of the people I love._

_I'm trying. But it's not enough. It will never be enough._

_I love you, Brittany._

_I'm sorry I didn't try harder._

* * *

_Puck,_

_I love you._

_I'm lying in my hospital bed right now, writing you this letter as you sleep in the chair across the room. Beth was here earlier; the three of us played in the hospital garden and you pushed Beth through the halls in a wheelchair and I laughed as I watched the two of you fly by my door and the staff didn't do anything to stop you._

_You look so peaceful when you sleep, Puck. I haven't seen you look this serene and content and untroubled in so long – maybe ever. I know how much stress you've been under lately, with everything that's been happening with me, and I'm sorry. I look at the bags under your eyes that are there even when you sleep and I look at the clothes you've been wearing since yesterday because you spent the night at the hospital and I look at how uncomfortable that chair must be and I'm so sorry._

_I wish I could put into words what you mean to me. You were my first. You're the father of my child. You're my forever. You're putting yourself, quite literally, through hell and you're doing it because you love me and I just want to make sure you know how much I love you, too._

_I hope when you wake up, you can't tell that I've been crying._

_I love you._

* * *

_Rach,_

_Do you remember that one afternoon we spent together at your house and I played piano for you?_

_We were alone because your dads were away for the weekend and you went to get something from the kitchen and when you came back, you found me sitting at the piano that was stationed in the corner of your living room._

_"Do you play?" you asked me._

_I nodded, "Since I was four. But I stopped taking lessons a couple years ago and I stopped playing altogether when I got pregnant. I haven't played since."_

_You sat down next to me on the piano bench and I smirked because your feet dangled above the ground. You saw me smirking and scowled. I laughed and kissed you and you looked up at me with your chocolate eyes._

_"Play something for me," you requested._

_I took a deep breath and placed my trembling fingers on the keys and began to play. You smiled when you picked up the familiar melody of To Love You More and very, very softly, you began to sing along. The piano keys became a blur of black and white as my eyes filled with tears. You sang as I played and it was such a beautiful moment._

_Thinking about it still takes my breath away._

_When the song finally came to an end and I played the last note, you rested your head on my shoulder._

_"I love you," you sighed._

_"I love you, too," and I do._

_Still._

_Always._

* * *

_Shelby,_

_I hope things are going well. You brought Beth to see me again today and I just need to say over and over again how thankful I am that you're allowing me to play a small part in her life. I know it may not be easy for you but you're sacrificing whatever feelings you have against it and you're letting it happen and I couldn't be more grateful or appreciative._

_For her entire life, you're going to here how much she reminds people of me. I'm so sorry because I know that's not going to be the easiest thing in the world for you to hear but Shelby – I promise she's you, too._

_She's me and she's Puck but she's also you._

_Please read this if you ever forget that._

* * *

_Baby Beth,_

_Hi, angel._

_I hope your first prom was perfect. I hope it was full of dress-shopping drama and a wonderful date and too many pictures and inappropriate dancing and slow-dancing and after parties and alcohol but not too much of that._

_I wish so much that I could've been there to part-take in it all. I wish I could have caused a scene in the dressing room while you tried on dress after dress. I wish I could've met your date and stared him down with an icy glare to warn him not to hurt my baby. I wish I could've then laughed with him and then hypocritically scolded Puck for shaking his hand too hard. I wish I could have helped you get ready before taking too many pictures. I wish I could have lightly reprimanded you the next morning for drinking too much while you sat in front of me, pretending to listen through your hangover. I wish you could've told me how amazing your night was._

_Unfortunately, wishing isn't going to get me anywhere. But I do hope you had the incredible night you deserved._

_I love you._

* * *

"May I have your attention, please?"

The sound of Shelby's voice into the microphone boomed over the room and the crowd grew quiet.

"Thank you," she smiled. "Much to my daughter's dismay, we have now officially reached the speech-making part of this graduation celebration." Everyone laughed as Beth groaned and face-palmed. "Mine won't be that bad, sweetie. Trust me – it's your pack members that you need to prepare yourself for."

She pointed at the table that seated Rachel, Santana, Brittany, and Puck and again, everyone laughed.

Shelby beamed and looked down to where her daughter sat. "Beth, my sweet girl. I am so incredibly proud of you for so many things. Getting into Duke. Finishing high school as your class valedictorian. Killing your speech today at graduation and making everyone cry, including Santana."

"I did not cry!"

More laughter as Shelby continued, "But most of all, I am proud of the amazing and incredible young woman you've grown into. You are so beautiful, both inside and out, and I know that's really cliché of me to say but I'm a mom – it's in the mom handbook. I love you and I couldn't be more blessed that Quinn and Puck chose me to be your mom. I love you, sweetie. Congratulations."

Everyone clapped and cheered and Beth flung herself at Shelby as soon as the woman had stepped down from the little stage.

Brittany and Rachel went next, together. They smiled at their little sister and at each other.

"Baby B," Brittany said. "Rach and I are going to make this short. To say it totally straight up, you're the best sister we could have asked for."

"I concur," Rachel added. "We love you so very much and we're so proud of you for everything you've done and continue to do."

"Every day, you remind us of Quinn but every day, you also show us another trait that is unique to you and no one else. You're our Little Quinn but you're Beth and I promise you, we love you just as much as we loved and still love your mother."

Beth wiped tears from her eyes as everyone clapped. She hugged her sisters and thought in that moment that she could not love them more.

Puck took a deep breath as he walked up to the microphone and adjusted the height.

"Sorry for the wait, guys. My Jew is a midget."

"Noah!"

Puck grinned, "Sorry, Rach. Okay, Beth. Here goes nothing. I'm sorry if I do the dad thing and embarrass you during this." He paused and collected himself before saying, "Quinn Fabray was the love of my life. I loved her from the second I first met her and I never stopped – I still haven't stopped. When she died, there was exactly one thing that kept me from losing it and that thing was you, Beth."

The room was silent as Puck wiped his eyes. "I've made so many mistakes in my life but you were not and are not one of them. I've spent every waking moment of my life since you were born trying to be a dad you could be proud of. I did the same with Quinn, trying to prove to her that I could be someone worthy of her love. You two are forever the most important people in my life and the people who matter the most to me. I really hope I've been an okay father to you. You are my world, Beth, and thinking about all the things that you've achieved makes me so excited that I want to punch something. I just hope I'm somewhat doing the same for you and making you and Quinn proud. Congrats on making high school your bitch, little badass. I love you."

The room once again broke into cheers as Beth flew onto the stage and into her father's arms. He caught her and whirled her around twice before setting her down gently.

"I love you, Daddy. Mommy would be so proud of both of us."

"You know, squirt, I think you're right."

"Alright, alright, move along, Puckerman. It's my turn," Santana said as she made her way to the microphone. Puck and Beth returned to their seats and when they had, Santana looked down into Beth's – Quinn's – hazel eyes.

"You," she said, pointing at the girl, "are Beth Corcoran. But you are also Quinn Fabray. Your mother was my best friend and when she died, I thought I had lost her forever. Turns out I was wrong, because a couple months later, I found her again in you." She furiously wiped away the tears that were spilling down her face and pointed again at Beth, who was also crying because Santana was up onstage and talking about her and her Mommy Quinn and it still hurt so bad but also felt so good. "You are the most special fucking girl on the planet and I'm so god damn proud of you that I sometimes don't know how to breathe. Don't ever, ever let anyone tell you differently. You're going to go so far, baby girl, and I can't wait to watch. Put your shades on, B, because your future is bright. I love you more than you'll ever know."

* * *

After the speeches, Santana pulled Beth aside and gave her a white envelope. She hugged the girl tightly before leaving her to read it.

_Dear Beth,_

_Happy graduation, sweet girl. I am so, so proud of you. I'm sorry I can't be there to watch all the amazing things that you're going to do but you have all the support in the world coming from the people in your life who love you. You are so full of light and I truly hope that you never let anyone take that light away from you._

_Congratulations, Baby B._

_All my love,_

_your Mommy Quinn_

* * *

**Next chapter coming soon! Thanks for reading, reviews are always very appreciated.  
**


	18. Chapter 17

**Hi, everyone! Sorry for the delay. I had spring break and was on vacation for a week and then got so viciously sick that I couldn't do anything but lie on the couch, drowning in cough syrup.**

**However! I have recovered and I'm back to writing. I'll also be updating my other story very soon. Thanks so much for being patient. I'm so sorry for the wait!**

**I hope you enjoy this new segment. As a quick clarification, Quinn's mother divorcing her dad and Quinn returning home to live with her after Beth was born is canon in my story, just like it was canon on the show.**

**This is another time hop, going backwards this time, and takes place one year after Quinn dies.**

* * *

Exactly a year after Quinn died, Rachel and Brittany decided that a reunion was in order. So, they called their people and two weeks later, everyone was gathered in the choir room at McKinley.

Rachel looked around the room with immense satisfaction; every single person they had invited was there. Santana and Puck. Obviously. Shelby and an eight year-old Beth. Sam, Artie, Lauren, Sugar, Joe. Mercedes, Kurt, and Blaine. Tina and Mike. Mr. Schue and Emma. Rachel's fathers and Quinn's mother. They had all come. For Quinn.

Santana on the other hand, feeling more on edge than ever, was extremely anxious. All these people here to talk about Quinn, her Quinn, who had now been lost to her for a year. She felt emotionally suffocated and could barely breathe and it was taking every ounce of will power she had in her body to not bolt from the room. Instead, she forced herself to sit in the chair next to Puck and bit her bottom lip until it bled.

Brittany, of course, saw this immediately. She had known how hard this would be for Santana. She beckoned to Beth and whispered in her ear. The little girl nodded, walked over to Santana, and climbed onto her lap without a word. Santana wrapped her arms around Beth's waist and visibly relaxed almost instantly.

Brittany smiled. In the last year, Beth had become a major part of their lives. They were all completely in love with her but no one more than Santana. Watching Santana with Beth was very nearly like watching her interact with Quinn, and it was always nostalgic for anyone who had grown up with them to witness.

"May I have your attention, please?"

Everyone turned at the sound of Rachel's voice. She stood at the center of the room, addressing them all, and everyone who had ever been in glee club with her was momentarily sent back to high school.

"Hello, everyone! First of all, allow me to say thank you so much for coming. As all of you know, a couple weeks ago marked the one-year anniversary of Quinn Fabray's death, and Brittany and I decided it was high-time we all gathered together." She paused and smiled sadly. "Just as we spent time honoring Finn, today is a day to remember Quinn, share memories, and continue to heal, despite the pain of losing her. I will now open the floor to anyone who wants to share. Thank you."

She took a seat next to her daddy, who leaned over and kissed her forehead. Rachel momentarily closed her eyes, swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat, and when she opened them, Shelby shot her a quick, reassuring smile from a few chairs away.

Sam got up and walked to the front of the room. All of his friends were incredibly proud of him. After deciding that college wasn't for him, he had done one successful modeling job in New York before returning to McKinley and joining the coaching staff for the football team. He still did his impressions, but he had done a lot of growing up.

"Hey, guys. Before I start, can we get some applause for Rachel and Britts for setting this thing up for us?" Rachel and Brittany grinned as everyone clapped and Sam pointed at them with his index fingers, giving them a winning smile. "You guys rock."

He took a deep breath and grew serious. "When I met Quinn, my first thought was oh my god, that's the prettiest girl I've ever seen in my entire life. And it's true; Quinn remains to this day the most beautiful person in the world, but not just because of her looks. When I first transferred to McKinley, my family was homeless. We lived in a tiny motel room. One main area, a bathroom, and the smallest kitchen you can imagine. I was okay. My parents were looking for jobs but they were okay. I was mostly worried about my little brother and sister. They were six at the time. Most people have no idea what it means to have people you love more than anything, wanting to give them everything but having nothing."

"Quinn understood. She said that she knew exactly what it felt like to want to give someone the world but have absolutely nothing to offer. She was, of course, talking about Beth." He looked over to where Beth sat in Santana's lap and smiled at the little girl. "Quinn started coming over to babysit Stacey and Stevie while my parents were out looking for jobs and I was delivering pizza. She was so good with them; so gentle and loving. No matter what I do forever, my favorite memory is always going to be coming home one night and seeing Quinn sitting on the floor with Stevie in her lap and reading a book. Stacey stood behind her, playing with Quinn's hair. It was the first time I ever saw Quinn look completely unguarded and in that moment, sitting there with my little siblings, she'd never looked more beautiful to me."

Sam wiped his eyes fiercely. "That's all I got for now." He titled his head and pointed up. "Stacey and Stevie say hi. We miss you, Q."

Everyone clapped for him as he sat down next to Artie. Mr. Schue stood next.

He smiled. They were all grown up now, but they were still his kids.

"I had the pleasure and privilege of teaching Quinn while she was here at McKinley," he stated warmly. "Though dealing with her was…_trying_ at times," everyone laughed, "I got to watch her evolve and grow from a troubled, vicious teen to an incredible young woman with a heart as big as the sun. More than anyone else in glee club, I've always believed that Quinn had the hardest time accepting the love that came from it. Perhaps that was due to her home life, or maybe that's just the kind of person she was. But none of you ever gave up on her and by her senior year, Quinn was just as much a part of the club as everyone else and you could see in her eyes how much love she felt for the people in it. She was and continues to be an inspiration that people can and do change for the better."

Then Quinn's mother.

"One of my biggest regrets in life is the way I allowed my husband to treat Quinn and the fact that for so long, I did nothing to stop him. When I finally gained the courage to leave him and kick him out of the house, Quinn was still angry with me but she came home. From that day on and until the day she passed away, I tried my absolute hardest to be the mother she deserved. I know I didn't even come close to succeeding but Quinn told me that she loved me for trying and that it was enough for her. I'll never forget that. Watching her graduate was the proudest I've ever felt in my entire life. You all taught Quinn how to love and how to accept love when I failed to do so and I'm so grateful. Watching her graduate was the proudest I've ever felt in my entire life."

Then Mike.

"Sam already said it. Quinn was, without a doubt in the world, the most beautiful person I've ever met and that had almost nothing to do with her looks. I'm kind of a quiet guy and you all know that. Quinn came up to me once and asked me why I didn't speak up more in glee club. I shrugged and told her that my job was to dance, not talk. She looked at me for a long moment before she told me that she understood. _'We're both quiet people,'_ she said. _'But that doesn't mean we have nothing to say, right? If you ever want to say something to the club but maybe don't feel comfortable speaking up, tell me. I'll say it for you. Your thoughts deserve to be heard just as much as everyone else's.'_ She was such an incredible human being, and I'll always be thankful that I got the chance to call her my friend."

Then Rachel's dad, Leroy.

"When Quinn and Rachel became friends, I have to admit that it made me both angry and anxious. Angry because what right did this girl have to be friends with my daughter after treating her so terribly? Anxious because despite the past, they were now friends and what if Quinn suddenly reverted to her old ways? However, I soon found out that I was worried for nothing. From the second she stepped into my house, Quinn Fabray was nothing but sweet, warm, and loving. She was a gentle, sensitive child that I could see had been treated harshly. I was quick to assure her that if she ever needed it, our house was a home to her." He turned to Judy Fabray with a soft smile and kind eyes. "She was a special girl, Judy, and your actions hurt her but she loved you so much. I know because she told me." Judy smiled tearfully at him, nodding her thanks, and Leroy turned back to the group. "A blind man could see how much Quinn loved all of you."

After Leroy sat down, Mercedes took her turn.

"I've always been a little self-conscious of my size," she said. "But high school really hit my self-esteem hard in that area. I'm sure most of you who were around remember the day I fainted because I had been starving myself, desperately trying to lose weight. Later that day, Quinn came and found me in the nurse's office. She told me I was beautiful and for the first time in my life, I actually believed it might be true. I'd heard my mama say it all the time but that's a mama's job. It wasn't Quinn's job. Hearing the prettiest girl at school tell me that she thought I was beautiful? Surreal. But she truly meant what she was saying and I could see it in her eyes." She touched her heart as a tear ran down her face. "The music industry is brutal. LA and Hollywood are brutal, especially when you're not exactly what everyone's looking for. But every single time I start to doubt myself, I go back to that day and I hear Quinn's words and they push me through. Always."

"Every single one of you is beautiful, no matter what you look like. That's a lesson I learned from Quinn that I'm never going to forget. She was a bitch almost all the time but deep down, she had the biggest heart of everyone I've ever known. We were lucky to have her."

Puck got up and gave Mercedes a hug before facing his friends.

"Ssup, everyone? I'm going to make this quick because I can't talk about Q for too long without feeling like I have to punch something but I wanted to share this memory with you guys. No one knows about it except for me and Quinn." He paused and took a deep breath before continuing, "One night, about a month after Beth was born, Quinn called me. I could tell she was crying so when she asked me if I could come over, I said yes and hopped in my truck and drove to the park she had asked me to meet her."

* * *

_When Puck got there, he found Quinn sitting on a bench looking out at a lake. The moon reflected off the lake's surface, giving the water a silver shine. He sat next to her and they gazed out at the lake together in silence for nearly 30 minutes before Quinn finally turned to him._

"_Did we make a mistake? Giving her up?"_

_Puck looked into her tear-filled hazel. But instead of bursting into tears like he wanted to, he answered honestly._

"_No. We didn't." He swallowed the lump in his throat and forced himself to keep going. "I've asked myself that question a million times in the past month, Q, but the answer is always the same in the end. We did the right thing and more importantly, the best thing for her by giving her to Shelby."_

"_Then why does it hurt so much?" Quinn whispered._

_Puck's heart broke and he put his arm around the blonde. She sobbed into his shoulder and tears of his own slid silently down his face as he held her. Together, they cried for the pain they had been through. They cried for each other. But most of all, they cried for the baby girl they had given up._

_Eventually, Quinn lifted her head and wiped her eyes. "Can I ask you something?" she asked._

"_Anything."_

"_What if she doesn't want us in her life?"_

_They had spoken with Shelby and agreed that when Beth turned 13, Puck and Quinn would meet her and it would be her decision whether or not those meetings continued. It was something Puck was already scared for, and evidently Quinn felt the same way._

"_It's up to her, Quinn. It's going to be her choice. The best we can do is hope that when she meets us, she wants to keep us. But if not, we'll get through it and we'll be okay. I promise."_

"_How do you know?"_

_Puck took her hand. "Because no matter what happens for the rest of forever, I'm going to be here for you. When two people have gone through what we have, that stays with them forever. Because of Beth, I have you and you have me and that's never, ever going to change. Beth may not choose to keep us but I'm choosing to keep you because I love you. Always have and always will."_

_Quinn looked up at him and there was so much emotion in her eyes that he almost couldn't bare it. Sighing, she rested her head against his shoulder and they looked out at the lake again._

_Later that night, after he dropped her off at her house and he was back in his room, he received a text from her._

**_I'm keeping you, too._**

* * *

As Puck finished talking, tears welled up in his eyes and he tried to choke out an apology but couldn't speak. As he stood there crying, the room was deathly quiet. Rachel, Santana, and Sam all started to move to comfort him but were stopped by a soft-spoken, achingly familiar voice.

"No."

Everyone watched as Beth put her hand up in the air, putting a pause to any movement. She slid off of Santana's lap and walked up to her father. She tugged his hand and he knelt down. She ran her hand over his head and patted his cheek gently as she leaned forward and whispered something. Puck smiled at his little girl and kissed her forehead before he stood and walked back to his chair, taking a seat. Santana scooted her chair closer and wrapped her arms around him as he put his head on her shoulder.

Beth stood at the front of the choir room facing all of the people who had meant most to her birthmother. Only Santana, Brittany, Rachel and Puck had actually spent time with her but everyone had seen pictures. Still, they could scarcely believe their eyes at how much the girl resembled her biological parents.

"Hello," she addressed them politely. "I think most of you know who I am but I'll introduce myself anyways. My name is Beth Corcoran, and Quinn is my birthmother. I know that you all grew up with her and spent a lot of time with her so it makes me very happy that I'll get to meet you when this is over. I only got to spend a few years with Quinn and don't have nearly as many memories with her as you all do but I'm hoping you'll allow me to share my favorite one."

It took everything in Santana to not roll her eyes. Beth was only eight but thanks to spending time with Rachel, she was already starting to talk in paragraphs. Instead, she just nodded and said, "All you, B."

Beth took a moment to smile at Santana before she started her story. "My mommy Shelby used to take me to see Quinn every week. Most of the time, because Mommy Quinn was sick, we had to stay inside. But one day, a little while before she died, Daddy convinced the doctor to let us take Quinn to the beach. So, the three of us drove to Lake Erie. Daddy and I played in the water and splashed each other and Mommy Quinn laughed and made sandcastles with us."

She turned to Shelby and nodded. "We've talked about it before so I know my mom won't mind me saying that for that day, it felt like me and Quinn and Noah were a family. I was so, so sad when Mommy Quinn died. I cried a lot and I still do and I probably will forever. I really wish I had gotten to spend more time with her." She smiled out at the people who sat in front of her. "But I don't. Instead, I get to meet all of you and I hope you share your memories of my mother with me because I would love to hear them. I feel so lucky that I get to meet you guys and know you. I already have Santana and Brittany and Rachel and of course, my amazing mom. But Daddy?"

Puck looked at his daughter.

"I feel most lucky to have you. You could have given me up and never looked back but you didn't. And just like Mommy, I'm going to keep you, too."

Everyone in the room felt tears stinging their eyes as they watched Puck hug Beth. The little girl was Quinn all over again, but she would grow up to be happier than her mother had ever had the chance to be. She was perfect and they were all completely enchanted.

Santana wiped her eyes as Artie rolled to the front and began to share a funny memory of Quinn that soon had everyone laughing. She kissed her finger and pointed up, just as Puck had.

Quinn had been right, as per usual. They were all okay.

* * *

**There you have it. If any of you have ideas for upcoming chapters, please leave a review or PM me! I'm kind of running out of things to write about. Do you guys want more letters? More flashbacks? Please let me know! I have the last chapter written already, now I'm just writing filler chapters before I feel like ending the story. **

**Thanks for reading!**


	19. Chapter 18

**Okay! A few things. **

**One, thank you to everyone who has a.) submitted a review in general and b.) submitted a suggestion! I love being able to write what you guys want to read so please please please leave a review or PM me if you have any ideas.**

**Two, I got a review that said Brittany and Santana don't act like a couple and I feel the need to address that. I want to clarify that they ARE together and, depending on the time hop, they're married in some chapters. Santana lives with Brittany in Lima and is working there unless she's in New York with Rachel, which is never for more than a week at a time. I haven't felt the need to really write about those details because that's not what I want to focus to be on but I do feel like I owed you guys some answers so now you know. This is not a Brittana-centric story so I'm not putting a ton of focus on them as a couple. I apologize if that's not satisfying to some of you. But they are together. **

**Anyways, onto the update! It fills out a couple requests that I received. It's really short but full of feelings and emotions. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

One beautiful Saturday afternoon, Brittany was on Beth duty. The other adults all had various things keeping them busy and though Beth was perfectly capable of staying home by herself, she preferred having company.

So, even though she was now 12 and Brittany was 27, they packed up lunch for themselves and went to the park with the lake to have a picnic.

They spread a large blanket out on the grass not far from the shore of the lake. A warm breeze caused their hair to flutter in the wind as they ate their lunch. Brittany laughed as Beth accidentally bit a strand of hair that blew into her mouth, instead of biting her sandwich. They walked to the water and threw the remains of their bread to the ducks.

It wasn't what most 12 and 27 year-olds might do on a day away from school and work but it seemed perfect to them.

As Beth plopped down happily onto the blanket after feeding the ducks, she caught sight of a patch of flowers and her hazel eyes lit up with excitement.

"Britts! Look!"

Brittany looked to where the girl was pointing.

"Flowers?"

"Not just any flowers. Daisies! Let's make daisy chains."

Brittany froze.

_Daisy chains_.

* * *

"_Look, B, daisies. Let's make daisy chains."_

_A 19 year-old Quinn smiled at Brittany, who wrinkled her nose._

"_I don't know how, Q."_

"_It's easy, Baby B. I'll teach you."_

_Quinn grabbed Brittany's hand and led her over to a small patch of flowers in the grass. "San!" she called out to Santana, who was laying in the sun with her eyes closed. "Come join us!"_

"_Busy," was the reply from Santana, and Quinn rolled her eyes._

"_You're boring."_

"_Don't care."_

"_Bitch."_

"_Bite me."_

_Brittany bit her lip to keep from grinning. This was completely harmless. They were all 19 now and well into college but sometimes, when she was with her best friends, it was almost exactly like they were back in high school and nothing had changed._

_She tugged Quinn's arm. "Daisy chains!"_

_Quinn smiled. "Right. Okay so," she said, plucking two flowers from the grass, "this is how you start." She proceeded to show Brittany how to connect the daisies by poking holes through the stems and chaining them together. Soon she had a small line of flowers that fit perfectly around Brittany's wrist._

"_Think you understand?"_

"_Yes! Let's make more! Like crowns and necklaces."_

_So they made more. Quinn got creative and started to weave other things, like leaves and tiny purple flowers, into the daisy chains. Eventually, Santana wandered over to where they were sitting and began to make her own flower accessories._

_After a while, Brittany was dismayed to see that her daisy bracelet, the first one Quinn had made, had broken because one of the flower stems had snapped._

_She held up her wrist. "Look, Q," she said with a sad frown. "It broke."_

"_Not a problem, B. Check it out." She picked another daisy from the grass and poked the stem through the already-existing hole of the bracelet where the other flower had broken off. Retying it around Brittany's wrist, she said, "All fixed. That's the beauty of daisy chains; even though they're delicate and break easily, they're also easy to fix. Every flower is replaceable with another one just like it."_

_Brittany smiled happily, examining her new and improved bracelet. "That's super cool, Q. Thanks for fixing it."_

"_De nada."_

_There was something off about Quinn's tone and the look in her eyes and Brittany frowned again. Santana had evidently noticed too, because she sat up and looked at Quinn._

"_What's wrong, cap?"_

_Quinn shook her head._

"_Nothing."_

_Santana leveled her with a glare._

"_Bullshit. You've been quiet all day. What gives?"_

_Quinn sighed and suddenly, there were tears forming in her eyes. Brittany's stomach dropped and Santana looked alarmed, as if she hadn't been expecting anything to be seriously wrong._

"_Q? Are you okay?" Brittany asked gently._

_Quinn sniffed and looked at them with sad, scared hazel eyes. "I need to tell you guys something," she said quietly. "Something bad."_

"_Please, please, don't tell us you're pregnant again."_

_Quinn let out a laugh at Santana's words. "No. Don't worry. No bun in the oven." Her smile faded again before she said, very, very quietly, "I'm sick."_

_Brittany's blood ran cold and out of the corner of her eye, she saw Santana freeze._

_No one moved or said anything._

"_Sick…like you have a cold?" Brittany finally asked hopefully, even though she already knew what the answer would be._

"_No, B. Sick like it's serious and I'm probably not going to get better for a long time."_

"_The fuck does that mean, Quinn?"_

_Quinn. Santana next-to never called her Quinn and it made Brittany know even more so than she already did that something was seriously wrong._

"_It means exactly what you're thinking, S. It means I was feeling tired and fatigued and sick. It means I went to the doctor a few weeks ago, before school let out for summer, and it means that I got the results yesterday. It means cancer. It means leukemia. And it means I'm sick."_

_Brittany looked back and forth between her two best friends in dismay._

"_What else does it mean, Q?" she asked. "Will you…will you get better?"_

_Quinn turned to Brittany and her expression softened. "It means that I'm going to get treatment and the doctors will give me medicine and I'm going to try my hardest to get better. I don't want you to worry about me, okay? It's going to be okay no matter what happens. Who am I?"_

"_Quinn," Brittany whispered._

"_Right. Quinn Fabray, former Head Cheerio, current Head Bitch in Charge. I'm going to kick this in the ass. I promise it'll be okay."_

"_How can you promise that?" Santana spat._

_Quinn looked at her. Santana looked back._

"_Come here," Quinn said._

_Brittany felt tears sting her eyes as she watched Santana crawl over to Quinn and into the blonde's lap and start to cry. Quinn held her and beckoned to Brittany, who scooted closer to and threw her arms around them. _

"_No matter what happens," Quinn said quietly. "It's going to be okay. You two will be okay. You're okay. You'll be okay."_

_Brittany started to cry and as she buried her head into Quinn's shoulder, shaking as Quinn held both her and Santana, she couldn't help but feel as if they might never be okay again._

* * *

A single tear rolled down Brittany's face as she blinked and the memory faded from her mind. Hey eyes came back into focus, landing on Beth, who was gazing at her with a sad and knowing smile on her face.

"Hey," Beth said gently. "Where'd you go?"

"I'm sorry." Brittany wiped her eyes and Beth reached out, taking her sister's hand.

"You don't have to apologize, Brittany. I miss her, too, and sometimes something triggers a memory. It still happens to me all the time."

Brittany had known Beth for five years now but the little brunette continued to amaze her with her ability to feel what others were feeling. She laid back, sighing, and Beth joined her.

For hours, they stayed in that position, side by side and holding hands as they gazed up at the blue sky and talked about Quinn. Brittany shared childhood memories she had of Quinn while Beth rested her head on Brittany's shoulder and listened contentedly. Occasionally, a fluffy white cloud would float by and they laughed themselves silly arguing about what shape it most resembled.

When the sun finally began to set and the sky grew dark, Brittany looked at Beth, who had fallen asleep on the blanket, and smiled. She brushed a stray strand of dark hair away from the girl's face and, careful not to wake her, she stood up and walked to the shores of the lake.

After making sure that Beth was still in her line of sight, Brittany allowed herself to take in the scenery. The sky was dark blue, just barely beginning to glitter with stars. Two ducks swam side by side, leaving a trail of ripples in the water. The surrounding trees blew ever-so gently in the light breeze and seemed to whisper _she's okay_. It was quiet and serene and as she closed her eyes briefly, Brittany felt a comforting wave of calm wash over her.

Later, after she had dropped off Beth and was lying in bed next to Santana, Brittany spoke quietly into the darkness.

"I had some super intense flashbacks today. Of the day Q told us she was sick."

"What triggered it?"

"Beth wanted to make daisy chains."

Santana sighed. "Yep. That'll do it."

A few moments passed.

"San?"

"Britts?"

"Do you ever think about how different things might have been if Q had told us how bad things were getting for her? Like what might have happened if we had known she was dying?"

It still hurt to talk about Quinn's death but Santana would always answer Brittany.

"Honestly? I do think about it. And for a long time, I was so furious with her for leaving us hanging the way she did that I never even stopped to consider it from her point of view."

"But now you have?"

"Yep. Now I have and straight-up, Britts? I know why she didn't tell anyone. Think about the kind of person Q was. She could only handle so much emotion before totally losing self-control and I think that writing the letters was her way of keeping her shit together and her feelings in check. Because picture it? Picture everyone knowing and Quinn with all that attention focused on her? No. Q couldn't deal with emotions like that. Not in person."

Realization dawned on Brittany. "But she _could_ deal with it by writing to everyone."

"Exactly. It's still unfair to us and everyone else who knew her and loved her because we never really got a chance to say goodbye to her. But that's just who Q was."

Brittany took Santana's hand and laced their fingers together.

"I think Q kind of did tell us she was going to die," she said quietly.

Santana looked at her.

"How do you figure?"

"Well, think back to that day with the daisy chains. Q told us over and over that everything would be okay and that we would be okay. But she never said that _she_ would be okay."

Santana sat with that crushing truth for a minute.

"You're saying you think Q knew from the very beginning that she wouldn't make it?"

"Yep. And remember how when my daisy chain broke, she showed me how to fix it and said that every flower is replaceable with another one just like it?"

Santana saw what Brittany was saying almost immediately.

"You think that was her way of telling us about Beth."

"I do."

The silence of the room surrounded them like a comforting blanket.

"I miss her a lot, San."

"I know, Britts. I miss her every single day."

Another minute passed.

"San?"

"B?"

"As much as it hurt to lose Q, I'm glad she left us her little flower."

Santana smiled into the darkness.

"I am, too."

* * *

**There you have it - Quinn telling Brittany and Santana about her cancer. I don't want to put much attention on her diagnosis/treatment/illness in general because I don't see it as super important. But I hope this was satisfying. And, to note, I will be writing Quinn's death scene.**

**I should have another chapter up later tonight and it will be much longer than this. But I thought about this chapter all morning and wanted to get it down before it escaped my mind.**

**Please let me know if you have any requests for upcoming chapters. All my love and thanks for reading and reviewing!**


	20. Chapter 19

**Quick disclaimer - in Quinn's one-year anniversary chapter (a couple chapters back), I wrote that, with the obvious exceptions of Puck, Santana, Rachel, and Brittany, none of the other glee club members had seen Beth in real life; they'd just seen pictures. I'd like to clarify that they all saw her very briefly at the funeral but none of them spoke to her and hadn't seen her since then until the get-together a year later. I don't qualify a couple hours as really seeing her or spending time with her.**

**Moving on!**

**Thank you so much to everyone who has read story so far. It's just about to hit 100 reviews and I know that's nothing in the world of fanfiction but it's a huge deal to me.**

**I am well aware that this is not your typical story - it's tragic and a lot of people don't necessarily find that appealing. But I lost someone close to me when I was fifteen so a lot of the grief I project into Letters comes straight from that experience.**

**This chapter is very close to my heart. I hope you enjoy it.**

* * *

The funeral was three weeks after Quinn died. It was held in Lima and Judy Fabray had decided to wait until summer vacation started so that all of Quinn's friends could attend.

Santana woke up the day of the funeral with a ferocious pain in her heart. For the past fourteen days, it had been a struggle to breathe. Brittany practically had to force her to eat and sleep was almost always nearly out of the question. For the few sparing hours she finally was able to sleep, Santana was plagued with vicious nightmares centered on Quinn. She woke up feverish and sobbing every single night.

It broke Brittany's heart to watch Santana suffer, especially because she was suffering just as much. Everyone they knew was in so much pain and it was making Brittany completely miserable. It was like Finn all over again but somehow worse. With Finn, it had been the first time they had lost someone. Now the pain of losing Quinn was only adding to the pain that they all already felt.

Rachel was a wreck. All she did was cry. She read and re-read Quinn's letter, over and over again, until the words on the paper became blurry. Her fathers were not only saddened by Quinn's death but dismayed seeing their daughter so heartbroken yet again.

Beth was sad and confused. She was just barely seven years old and despite being mature for her age, the concept of death was hard for her to grasp. All she knew was that her Mommy Quinn was gone and she wasn't going to see her again. Not only did that knowledge completely crush her but it was devastating for her to see people, especially her father, so sad.

Puck was in a constant state of silence. The only people he forced himself to speak to were Santana and Brittany, Rachel, Shelby, and Beth.

None of them knew how to handle the fact that the funeral was happening. It felt horrible and surreal, like a bad dream that they didn't know how to wake up from.

* * *

The day before the funeral, Puck had driven to the beach that he, Quinn, and Beth visited before Quinn died. He was, thankfully, the only person there and as he stared out at the waves, he felt tears of anger and confusion and despair stinging his eyes.

Hadn't they just done this for Finn? And here they were, just a few years later, doing it all over again for Quinn.

It was so unfair.

So fucking unfair.

He reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out a beautiful ring.

The ring he had eventually planned on giving to Quinn when the moment was right.

"FUCK YOU, GOD," he yelled up, tears pouring down his face as he threw the ring into the waves as hard as he could. "Wasn't it enough that you took my best friend? Did you have to take my girl, too? Fuck you! Fuck you again! I hate you! I hate you. I hate you."

Puck dropped to his knees, collapsing into the wet sand. He sat there with his hands over his face, sobbing as the freezing cold waves swirled around him and not caring that his clothes were completely soaked through.

As he sat there in the waves, his mind was thrown back to that horrible, heart-breaking day three weeks ago when he has lost her.

* * *

_Puck sat outside of Quinn's hospital room, clenching his hands together and trying desperately hard to keep his emotions in check. An hour ago, he had received a call from Quinn's doctor that the blonde had gone unconscious. As soon as he hung up, he had slammed down the phone and rushed to the hospital as fast as he could._

_Somehow, something in him knew that this was it. This was the end._

_As he sat there in the hallway, leaning against the wall with his eyes closed, he tried to remember the breathing techniques that Rachel had always insisted they do before a glee performance._

_In, out. In, out. Deep breath in, hold it, and slowly let it out._

_It wasn't working. He still felt as anxious as ever and all the breathing was doing was making him feel lightheaded._

_Finally, the doctor emerged from Quinn's room and Puck's head shot up. But before he could stand or say anything, the doctor sat down next to him._

_That alone told Puck more than any words could have._

"_Is she—" He couldn't get the words out._

_The man sitting beside him looked into his eyes. "No," he said. "Not yet. But today and very soon."_

_Tears welled up in Puck's eyes._

"_Can I…?"_

_The doctor nodded. "Yes. She's awake and asking for you. But just barely." He stood, held his hand out to Puck, and helped him to his feet. The older man clasped Puck's shoulder. "I tried my best. I'm truly sorry, Noah."_

_Puck wiped his eyes. "S'okay, Doc. I understand."_

_The doctor gave him one last nod before walking away. Puck sucked in a shaky breath before pushing the door open and walking into Quinn's room._

"_Hi," she said softly._

_Looking at her, propped up only by the pillows behind her, Puck felt all the fight go out of him. He pulled the chair in the room over to the side of the bed, sat down, and very gently took one of her hands into both of his._

_She gazed at him and reached one hand out, running it affectionately through the dark brown hair that Beth had inherited._

"_Don't cry," she murmured._

"_I don't know how to stop," he choked out._

"_Look at me."_

_He lifted his head and looked up into her beautiful, tear-filled, hazel eyes._

"_Thank you so much for everything, Puck," she said. "The letters. Beth. Loving me. Thank you for all of it. I owe you so much and forever and listen to me. You're going to be okay. I promise."_

_He shook his head. "How can I be okay without you?"_

_She smiled at him and the sight of it broke his heart. "You'll never be completely without me, sweetheart. You may not be able to see my physically but I will always, always be looking down at you and smiling. You are everything I could have asked for, Noah Puckerman. Keep that knowledge close to your heart."_

_Her breathing was growing more rapid and shallow by the second, and Puck began to panic._

"_No, Q. Stay with me. Please don't leave me," he begged._

"_Come here," she whispered. He leaned closer to her and she pressed a kiss against his trembling lips. "I love you."_

_She fell back onto the pillows and her eyes fluttered shut. The machine next to her, which had been beeping wildly, suddenly went silent and that was all it took for Puck to lose it._

"_Quinn, no!" he yelled, tears started to pour out of his eyes. "No! No, damn it! Stay with me, Q! Please don't go. Please don't die, Quinn, please don't die, please." He clutched her cold, still hands and began to sob. Around him, he could hear voices and sensed movement but everything was far away._

_He had lost her._

_She was gone. _

* * *

As the awful memory plagued Puck's thoughts, he cried harder than he ever had before.

"Quinn, please come back to me," he whispered brokenly into his hands. "Can't you see what a fucking mess I am without you? Come back to me. Please. I promise I'll be better for you. Please don't be dead. Please."

But of course, that was wishful thinking. Quinn was gone forever and she wasn't coming back. She wasn't coming back.

Almost two hours passed before he finally had the strength to stand up.

"I'm sorry," he said to Quinn, to God, to the sky. He walked back to his car and drove home slowly with the windows rolled down and no music playing.

By the time he reached his house, it was dark and the sky was littered with stars. As he sat on his front porch gazing up at them, he thought back to what Quinn had written in her letter to him.

**I'm so sorry for leaving you like this, Puck. I don't know how to express how incredibly sorry I am that I can't give you the love you deserve. **

**I'm sorry I can't give you forever.**

"You did give me forever, Q," he said softly. "Don't be sorry. I love you. Don't be sorry."

* * *

The funeral was held in the church that the Fabray family had attended every Sunday when Quinn was growing up. As everyone made their way inside and found seats, Santana's eyes were met with a sea of black clothes and tear-filled eyes. The pain in her chest was almost too much to bear.

She turned to Brittany. "I don't think I can do this," she choked out. "It's too much. I can't— I can't."

"You can," Brittany said gently, taking Santana's hand and leading her to their reserved seats. "San, look at me." Santana looked into Brittany's eyes. "I miss Q so much and this hurts so super bad for everyone here but you're okay. You're going to be okay and so I am and so is everyone else. We're going to get through today and tomorrow and the day after that. Okay?"

"Okay," Santana whispered, tears welling up in her eyes. Brittany leaned forward and kissed her. She could taste Santana's tears on her lips and her heart broke a little more. But when she pulled away, she smiled because she had to.

She smiled because Quinn would have wanted her to.

"I love you," she told her girlfriend.

"I love you too, Britts."

They took their seats and were soon joined by Puck. Santana took in his red eyes and solemn expression that very nearly mirrored her own.

"Puck…"

"No," he cut her off. Then, in a more gentle tone, "I can't, Santana. I'm barely holding it together right now and if you say anything to me, I might actually lose my mind."

She laughed through her tears and threw her arms around him. He pulled her into a ferociously tight hug and refused to let himself cry. It wasn't time.

Not yet.

As Santana pulled away, she gazed into Puck's eyes. "Where were you yesterday, by the way?" she asked, wiping away her tears. "Rachel said that she tried calling you but I guess your phone was turned off."

His eyes shot to the floor. "I just…needed some time to think," he said quietly. "I'm sure you understand."

Santana immediately sensed that the day before had been incredibly hard for Puck. But she simply nodded.

"Of course."

"Today we come together to honor and remember the life of Lucy Quinn Fabray…"

Everyone fell quiet as the priest began to speak. Rachel immediately shut her eyes and tried to make it all go away.

This wasn't happening. No. Absolutely not.

A few seconds later, she opened her eyes again and much to her dismay and heartbreak, the funeral continued to go on. As she gazed around the pews of the church, all she could see was an ocean of grief. Puck sat to her right; stony-faced with a pain in his eyes that stabbed Rachel's heart. Next to him was Santana, leaning against Brittany with her eyes closed and a single tear rolling down her face. Brittany's sweet blue eyes were sad as she caught Rachel's gaze and offered her a heart-wrenching smile. To her left was Beth, whose expression was unreadable to Rachel. Shelby sat next to Beth and, seeing Rachel's face, reached over Beth's lap and squeezed Rachel's hand. Rachel smiled at her birthmother gratefully before releasing the woman's hand and continuing to look around.

She could see Kurt and Blaine passing a tissue back and force, dabbing tears from their eyes. Mercedes sat on the other side of Kurt, clutching his free hand. Next to her were Tina and Mike; Tina with her head on Mike's shoulder and Mike with his arm around her. Artie in his wheelchair was in the aisle next to Tina, sharing a sad smile with Mike. Sam sat behind them, sharing a row with Lauren, Sugar, Joe, Mr. Schue and Emma. All of them sported a somber expression and they either leaned on each other or held hands. Rachel's dads sat next to Judy Fabray, offering the woman comfort and support.

It shattered Rachel to see all of the people she loved most in the world being forced to deal with so much pain and grief. As she gazed at the picture of Quinn at the front of the church, taking in the blonde's beautiful smile, Rachel felt her heart ache in a way it had only once before – when Finn had died.

This wasn't happening.

It wasn't happening.

* * *

_The night Rachel received the news about Quinn, she had a horrifying nightmare._

_She was running. Running, running, running down a long hallway. A long, dark hallway._

_She was panting and her lungs screamed resistance as she ran as fast as she could. She couldn't figure out what she was running to or from. All she could feel was an incredible and overwhelming sense of panic and fear._

_Then, she could see something at the end of the hall. No, wait. Not something. A human figure. Someone._

_But who?_

_As Rachel got closer to the figure, the details of whoever it was became clearer to her and suddenly, her heart slammed against her chest. _

_Quinn._

_Smiling. Breathing. Waiting for her. _

_Alive._

"_Quinn," she said breathlessly._

_Quinn's smile grew. "Rachel," she said in that sultry, silky, smooth voice. "My star."_

"_Yes. Your star. What are you doing here?"_

_Quinn raised an eyebrow at her._

"_Waiting for you, of course. Come to me, Rach."_

"_Where are we going?" Rachel asked._

"_Far away." Quinn's voice was a whisper and her hazel eyes twinkled. "Come with me. Come away with me."_

_Quinn held out one hand but when Rachel reached out to take it, her hand went right through Quinn's._

_Rachel pulled back, confused. Quinn stood there patiently, waiting for Rachel to take her hand, but as soon as Rachel tried to grab it, the same thing happened._

"_Take my hand, Rachel."_

_But as hard as Rachel tried to grasp it, her fingers went straight through Quinn's hand again and again. _

_It was like the girl standing in front of her was nothing but a hologram._

_Nothing but a memory she was trying to hold onto._

"_Quinn, what's happening?" Rachel asked, tears starting to well up in her eyes. "Why can't I touch you?"_

_Quinn's eyes were sad._

"_Because I'm not really here."_

"_Quinn!" Rachel cried out, trying to hug the girl but running right through her. "Quinn, please! Take me with you!"_

"_I have to go now, Rachel. I'm sorry. I wish you could come."_

"_No! Quinn!" Rachel cried as the girl began to walk down the hallway and away from her. She tried to follow her but found herself unable to move. "Quinn, please don't leave me. Don't leave me! I need you! I love you, please don't go!"_

"_I'm sorry, Rachel," came Quinn's voice from far away. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."_

"_Quinn!" Rachel shrieked, jolting awake and flying into a sitting position. She curled up into a tight ball and sobbed, trying to erase the nightmare from her mind and feeling like her heart was being ripped out of her chest. Eventually, the dark numbness of sleep claimed her again but only after she had turned on the light and read Quinn's letter._

* * *

Rachel was shaken from the painful memory when Puck nudged her side.

"You okay?" he whispered, his voice sounding raw, as if it hadn't been used it days. Which, Rachel thought, it kind of hadn't. Not really.

"Yes," she whispered back to him, wiping away her tears. He gazed at her for a long moment before his wrapped his arm around her. She leaned into his strong embrace and closed her eyes, willing the funeral to end.

A little while later, towards the end of it, Judy Fabray got up and took the priest's place at the alter. She gazed out at the sea of sad faces and felt her heart clench.

"Hello, everyone," she said in a shaky voice. "Thank you for coming today. As a mother, though not always a very good one, I can't tell you what it means to see you all here. To know that you're all here for my child."

She took a moment to compose herself before she went on, "Family isn't always defined by blood. More often than not, it's defined by the people who love you. That's something I learned from Quinn. I want to express my never-ending gratitude to all of you for loving Quinn and giving her a family when I failed to do so. I thank God every day for giving me a second chance to gain my daughter's trust and I'm so lucky that she blessed me with forgiveness. I especially want to thank the members of the William McKinley High School glee club for providing Quinn with not only a family but a safe place and a home. I can't tell you how much she loved and adored all of you and that club. Watching her perform onstage with the people she considered her best friends was and always will be one of the greatest joys in my life. Thank you all so much everything you did for Quinn."

Judy walked over to the picture of Quinn and kissed her fingers before touching it.

"My beautiful, precious child. Thank you for giving me a second chance at being your mom. I love you. Thank you so much for coming."

* * *

After the service finally came to a close, people milled around the church, exchanging hugs, tears, and goodbyes. Puck asked Santana, Brittany, Rachel and, with Shelby's permission, Beth to stay behind once everyone had stepped outside.

"I have something to read to you guys," he said, pulling out a slightly crumpled white envelope that Santana, Brittany, and Rachel recognized immediately. "It's a letter addressed to all of us."

"From Quinn?" Rachel asked, and Puck nodded.

Beth's eyes widened. "Daddy, I don't understand."

Puck knelt down and looked into Beth's eyes that were identical to Quinn's.

"You remember that Quinn knew she wasn't going to be able to see us anymore?" Beth nodded. "Well, squirt, she wrote us this letter before…before she died. And she wanted me to read it with you guys after the funeral."

"A letter from Mommy Quinn?"

"Yep."

Beth gazed into her father's sad brown eyes. "Can I hold your hand while you read it?" she asked.

Brittany, Santana, and Rachel felt their hearts squeeze as they watched Puck stand up and take his little girl's hand.

"To Santana, Brittany, Rachel, Puck, and Beth…" he read shakily.

* * *

_To Santana, Brittany, Rachel, Puck, and Beth,_

_The loves of my life. I'm so sorry for what you just had to sit through. I know my funeral wasn't easy for anyone and I'm so worried about everybody but I'm the most scared for the five of you._

_San. My best friend. The person who knows me better than anyone. I'm sorry. Out of everyone, I feel like you're the one who's always needed me the most and you're the one person I haven't been there enough for. I'm so sorry. I hope one day you'll be able to understand why I left you all the way I did, with no goodbyes or apologies in person. Until then, please take comfort in knowing that I love you so much that it makes my heart physically ache._

_Britts, my sunshine. My beautiful golden girl. My rock. I hope today wasn't too hard for you even though I know it was. You can't know how much I wish this wasn't happening. I know this is hitting you so hard, B, but I also know that you'll be the first one who finds the strength to smile. I've always looked to you in times of need and I've borrowed that never-ending strength. Please smile today and know that I'm smiling right back. I love you._

_Rachel, my star. My bright and shining Broadway star. The bravest person I've ever known. You have to know how much I love you – how much I've always loved you. There's a gold star tattooed permanently on my heart and it shines every time I think of you. A long time ago, I promised I would never forget the time we spent together. I kept my promise. I've never forgotten and I pray you don't either._

_Puck. My forever boyfriend. I have so much to say to you but what it all really comes down to is I love you. If I know you, and I do, you're probably full of pent-up anger. Please, for me, try to let that anger go. You and I are so alike and we've been so angry for so long about so many things. I was never able to let it all go but I want you to try your hardest. It's not good for your heart, and the well-being of your heart is something I take very seriously. I hope you can find it in your to be happy today, if not for me or yourself, then for Beth._

_And finally Beth, my beautiful baby girl. My precious daughter. I know this is all hard for you to understand but try your best to stay brave and keep that beautiful smile on your face. You are so young and it breaks my heart more than anything in the world to know that you already have to suffer this kind of loss. I'm so sorry. I love you more than I can say, angel girl._

_You five will never fully understand how much you mean to me. You're my world and even though I can't bear to leave you all the way I am, I know that I'll get to watch you go on with you lives from heaven and I find that immensely comforting. Wherever you are, if you ever miss me, look to the sky and I'll be there. Always watching. Always smiling._

_I love you all more than I know how to express in words._

_I am, always, your Quinn, Q, and Mommy Quinn._

* * *

As Puck finished reading, he looked up from the paper and into the tearful faces of his best friends and daughter. All four of them were crying but it was the look in Santana's eyes that wrenched his heart.

He gently released Beth's hand and reached out for Santana, closing his eyes and letting his tears fall as he pressed a kiss to her forehead and held her in his arms.

"What are we going to do without her?" Santana choked out through her tears.

"I don't know," he said quietly, his voice breaking. "I don't fucking know."

Beth turned to Rachel and Brittany and looked up at them with her tear-filled eyes. The two girls looked at each other before kneeling down and engulfing Beth in a tight embrace. The little girl threw one arm around Rachel's neck and the other around Brittany's and held them tightly as all three of them cried.

"I wish she was here," Beth whispered.

"Remember what Quinn said in her letter," Brittany said, wiping tears from her eyes. "She's watching us. Q is watching us right now and forever and always."

Beth sat with that thought for a minute before she tilted her head back, looked up into the rafters of the church, and closed her eyes.

"Mommy? Can you hear me? It's Beth, your Baby B."

The adults in the room all stilled as they watched the little girl.

"Mommy Quinn, your funeral is over and it was so sad. I'm only seven but I feel like I'll never be as sad as I am right now. But I'm trying to be brave for you. Thank you so much for writing that letter. I love you. I miss you. I hope you can hear me."

Rachel pressed her fingers against her lips and Brittany wrapped an arm around the shorter girl's waist. Seconds later, they were joined by Santana and the three of them watched Puck walk up behind Beth and put his hands on her shoulders.

He mirrored her position and looked up.

"Ssup, Q. I just read your letter to the girls, like you asked me to. Hope I did it justice." He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. "The funeral sucked like I knew it would but we got through it and we're okay, just like you said we would be."

Brittany held Santana and Rachel close as they gazed at Puck and Beth. She nodded to herself.

Puck was right.

They were okay.

* * *

**Whew! Glad that's over, right? I will admit, I shed a couple tears writing this chapter. But you all made it out alive!**

**As always, please let me know any and all requests/ideas you have for upcoming chapters. I was tempted to end the story here but I'm enjoying writing this too much to stop. Not yet.**

**Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading. Much love to you all! **


	21. Chapter 20

**Hi, everyone! Sorry for the delay. After the previous chapter, I couldn't decide where I wanted to go with this story so I took some time to really think it through and I've come to the decision that this will be the final chapter of Letters From Quinn.**

**I've had this chapter written since before I started the rest of the story. It will be told from Quinn's point of view - a little look through her eyes.**

**Thank you all so much for reading this story. All of your replies have touched my heart and it makes me so happy to know that my words have touched yours. Thanks for your endless patience with me as I worked through my real-life problems. I'm so sad to be wrapping Letters up but it feels right to end it here.**

**I love you all! **

**With that, I give you the last chapter. I hope you enjoy the end.**

* * *

"You sure you want to do this?"

Quinn closed her eyes and nodded. When she opened them again, Puck was gazing at her with tears falling silently down his face.

"Puck," she chastised gently. "We said no tears."

"Fuck that!" he said stubbornly, wiping his eyes as more tears continued to fall.

Quinn smiled sadly and shook her head. She held out her hand to him.

"Come here."

Puck walked over and sat down on the small hospital bed with a heavy sigh.

"I don't know if I can do this, baby mama."

She reached over and smacked his head, earning a scowl from him.

"You _can_ do this, and you will _not_ call me that! Not even on my deathbed."

She spoke the words playfully but regretted them as soon as Puck's face collapsed and his eyes filled with tears. She opened her mouth to apologize but Puck reached out and took her hand in his own, gripping it tightly.

"You know if it was anyone else who had asked me to do this, I would've said _hell no_ and laughed in their face."

"I know," Quinn murmured quietly, nodding because she _did_ know.

"But it's not anyone," he said. "It's you."

"It's me."

"I mean Christ, Q. They have no idea what's coming."

"I know."

"You could always just tell them now," he said, and she could hear the desperate plea in his hesitant voice. "They would come. You know they would. There's still time."

But she shook her head.

"I can't, Puck. You know I can't. That's why-"

She broke off and gestured around her at the countless stacks of letters, all addressed and organized in true Fabray fashion – she could thank her mother for those skills.

Puck sighed.

"You're sure?" he asked one more time.

Tears filled Quinn's hazel eyes but she didn't hesitate.

"I'm sure."

Puck brushed away her tears and kissed her forehead.

"Okay."

Quinn closed her eyes at the sensation of his touch and swallowed hard before she answered him.

"Thank you, Noah."

Puck drew back, his eyes wide.

"You've never called me Noah before."

She shrugged, "Better late than never, right?"

She watched as he squeezed his eyes shut, no doubt to cover up more tears. When he opened them again, Quinn smiled at him and the sadness written on his face broke her heart.

Her forever boyfriend.

"I love you, Noah Puckerman."

"Back atcha, babe."

* * *

Of all the letters, one of the hardest to write had been the first one to Santana.

As Quinn stared at the blank paper in front of her, black pen poised in her hand and ready to write, she found herself at a loss of words.

How does one say goodbye to their best friend in the entire world?

_What_ does one say?

She closed her eyes and pictured Santana finding out about her death. She imagined her dark-haired best friend angrily tearing into the letter, furious that Quinn thought she had any control of her anymore.

But that was okay, because Quinn would never expect anything less from her.

Yes. That's how she would start the letter.

But what would come after that? She had so much to say.

Apologies?

Those could come next.

She had so much to apologize to Santana for.

Then what?

Beth?

She had to tell her about Beth.

But somehow jumping right into that didn't seem like the best option. She needed something that would soften the blow. Something that told Santana how thankful Quinn was for her friendship; how thankful she had always been.

Something like…a memory!

Yes, a memory could definitely work.

Quinn smiled. She knew exactly which memory to describe.

Okay.

Intro, apologies, first-day-they-met memory.

It was like organizing an essay. Good thing she loved to write.

Now that she had cleared the path for Beth, she could-

No, wait!

Brittany.

She had to mention Brittany.

Okay. Next would be a reassurance that Brittany would take care of Santana; that the smiley blonde would be there for her no matter what. Santana needed to know that just because she was losing Quinn didn't mean she would be alone.

So Brittany first.

_Then_ Beth.

Quinn reached into a box and pulled out the picture that Mercedes had taken of her and Beth, just after Quinn had given birth to the little girl.

She gazed down at her own smiling face before shifting her eyes to the sweet little pink bundle in her arms. Beth's tiny face remained the most incredibly thing she had ever seen. It had been one of the happiest moments of her life.

Right before it had turned into one of the saddest.

Quinn closed her eyes to stop the tears.

She kissed the picture and placed it in a small white envelope that would easily fit into the larger one that the letter was going in.

After writing about Beth, Quinn knew that she would have to end the letter. Santana would only be able to handle so much emotion before completely losing it.

Quickly, a request for Santana to help take care of Beth.

Then the first quote.

_Finding new ways to hurt each other is what we're good at._

It matched them perfectly. Because yes, they were best friends. But the two of them had also gone through a lot of heartache. They fought viciously and things had been said that could never be taken back. There was once a time in her life that Quinn had purposefully set out to hurt Santana, and she knew that Santana had experienced similar feelings.

Which brought her to the second quote.

_Because once upon a time, we were best friends. And, yes, there's a lot of bad stuff in between. But none of that matters right now, okay? You need me, I'm there. Any time, any place, anywhere._

It was them.

Quinn picked up her pen again and spoke aloud to the quiet surroundings of her hospital room.

"I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me for leaving you, San."

And she began to write.

* * *

Brittany's first letter had been almost frighteningly easy to write. But of course, Quinn shouldn't have been surprised – Brittany was the easiest person in the world to talk to.

She always had been.

The thing that Quinn loved most about Brittany was that her almost-twin had nothing to hide. She laid everything out on the table and didn't apologize for being who she was. Quinn had spent countless afternoons and nights with Brittany throughout their friendship, daydreaming and cloud-watching and enjoying the simplicity of life.

She needed Brittany to understand how much joy she had brought to Quinn, which is why she knew exactly how to start Brittany's letter.

The memory of that day in third grade remained one that Quinn held incredibly close to her heart, and it was the perfect way to express how thankful she was for Brittany and her friendship.

Next, she would have to mention Santana.

Quinn knew without a doubt in the world that Brittany would love and take care of their best friend for the rest of her life. She knew that Brittany was the one person who loved Santana just as much as she did. Santana and Brittany would be together forever and that knowledge made Quinn's heart ache with happiness and relief.

Still, though – she had to ask Brittany to take care of her anyways.

Semantics.

A request for Brittany to take care of Beth and give the little girl dance lessons would come next. She wouldn't have to explain the Beth situation to the blonde, because the blonde already knew.

How? She had no idea.

Brittany just _knew_ things.

Which would lead her to the next part of the letter.

Rachel.

Yes; Quinn had chosen Brittany long ago as the person she would share that secret with. One, because she had a feeling that Brittany already knew. Two, Brittany would accept the fact completely and without judgment.

She would understand why Quinn and Rachel hadn't told anyone about their relationship.

That's why Quinn was telling Brittany.

Brittany could tell everyone else.

Wait!

Puck.

She had to ask Brittany to take care of Puck, too.

God, she was so worried about him.

No problem. She could slip him in right before Rachel.

And that's where she would end it. She would sign off with her love for Brittany and she knew that it would be enough for the blonde.

Brittany had never failed to reassure Quinn that she, just being herself, was enough.

Quinn grabbed her pen and smiled.

* * *

Writing Rachel's first letter was hard; almost as hard as writing Santana's.

She knew exactly what she had to say.

But that didn't make it any easier.

There was _nothing_ easy about admitting her troubled past with her abusive father. It brought back awful, torturous memories that were so bad that Quinn almost gave up on writing them down.

But this was Rachel she was spilling her heart out to, and that made it better.

Rachel would understand.

She deserved to know the truth behind why Quinn had bullied her for so long.

Rachel also deserved to know that _she_ was the reason Quinn had survived giving up Beth.

Quinn needed Rachel to know how much she meant to her, and how often she still thought about their stint of love. She needed Rachel to understand how close Quinn had come to doing something stupid before that day in the bathroom.

She needed to thank Rachel for saving her from herself.

But that part would be easy.

A brief paragraph about Beth would close the letter. A request that Rachel teach the little girl how to sing like her, and then Quinn would tell her how much she loved her.

How much she had always and would always love her.

And finally, the picture.

Quinn looked at the beautiful photograph that Rachel's father had taken of the two of them all those years ago. She looked into her own face, looking down at Rachel's face.

And then the quote.

_Sometimes, you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself._

Rachel had found her.

She was rare, beautiful, perfect.

Just like their love.

* * *

Writing to Puck was sad.

Easy, but sad.

She knew exactly what she wanted to say to him. It was short, sweet, and to the point. It was simple because Puck needed simplicity.

Quinn started the letter with a quote.

Quotes were kind of her thing.

_Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit._

Her main goal in writing to Puck was to let him know that despite the way she had treated him for so long, she _did not_ regret anything that had happened between them.

How could she?

He had helped her make Beth.

She and Puck had been so angry with each other for such a long time after Quinn got pregnant. They had hurt each other in the worst possible way and it wasn't until after Beth was born that they truly began to heal their relationship.

Rachel had saved her.

But Puck had been there since day one.

Always picking her up when she fell. Never letting her sink. Pushing her to believe in herself and telling her constantly that he loved her.

Puck wasn't perfect. But he had tried his best to be perfect for her.

Quinn had to make him understand how thankful she was for him. He had done so much for her, and no words would ever be enough.

She was his girl and they should have had forever together.

"I hope reading this brings you some peace of mind, Puck," Quinn murmured, gazing at the sleeping boy in the small chair next to her hospital bed. His face was untroubled as he slept, with no trace of the sadness that he now carried permanently in his sweet brown eyes.

Looking at him made her heart ache.

"I love you, Noah," she whispered. "I'm sorry."

* * *

Beth's first letter, like Puck's, was easy to write but left her with a crushing sadness in her heart. It was all she could do to not break down and start crying.

Quinn didn't allow herself to cry, because she was afraid that once she started, she would never be able to stop.

But more so than writing to anyone else, writing to Beth almost made her break the no-crying rule.

Quinn had been so scared when she first found out that she was pregnant. Scared, bitter, angry, resentful, sad…her initial reaction been to run away, because surely that would be better than facing the consequences of being 15 and pregnant, especially once her father found out.

But standing on her front porch, bracing herself for the shit storm that was about to rain down on her, 15 year-old Quinn had stared down at her belly and suddenly, it hit her out of nowhere that there was a baby inside of her.

A little human.

And suddenly, Quinn had been filled with the vision of miniature version of herself running around, laughing. The vision changed and it was a tiny Puck instead, throwing a football that was too big for his little hands to properly grasp.

In that instant, it wasn't just a baby inside of her.

It was _her_ baby.

And that's when Quinn knew that whatever happened, it would be worth it if it meant that her baby would be okay.

Giving up Beth had been the most painful experience in her entire life. More painful than any fight with Santana or Puck. More painful than anything her father had ever said to her. More painful than breaking up with Rachel.

But the pain had been worth it, because Beth was alive. She was alive and happy and looked so much like Quinn and Puck that it made Quinn's heart stop beating.

She was their perfect thing and her life would be filled with happiness and love.

That's all Quinn had ever wanted for her baby girl; that's all any mother ever wants for their child.

Beth deserved to know that.

* * *

On the day that Quinn died, Quinn knew it was happening.

When she woke up that morning, barely able to move without feeling an excruciating pain shoot through her body, something in her knew that her time was up.

Wincing, she pushed herself up into a sitting position and pressed the button next to her bed that would call in a nurse. 30 seconds later, the nurse on duty poked her head into Quinn's room with a concerned expression on her kind face.

"Everything alright, Miss Fabray?"

She attempted a smile. "Can you send in Doctor Redding for me?"

"Sure thing."

A few minutes passed and Quinn took the opportunity to close her eyes and breathe.

_Don't lose it_, she told herself. _Keep it together_.

"Quinn?"

She opened her eyes and found her doctor gazing at her with worried eyes. She looked at him, really looked, and she saw that he understood immediately.

The older man took a seat on the side of her bed and took one of her hands.

"Can't hold on any longer?" he asked gently, and she shook her head, tears falling from her hazel eyes.

"I feel so…" Even talking caused her pain. "I'm so sick of being sick. Everything hurts, Doc," she whispered.

"I know it does. Do you want anything?"

She knew he was referring to pain medication but she shook her head.

"Time's almost up. What's the point?" she choked out before a horrible coughing fit seized her lungs. The doctor rubbed circles against her back until she regained control of her breathing.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" he asked her.

"Puck," she murmured weakly, forcing her fluttering eyes to stay open. "He's here. I forced him to go downstairs and get some food for himself. Can you…I think he knows it might be happening today, too, but can you soften the blow?"

"Of course. I'll send him in as soon as I find him."

Quinn watched him walk towards the door and stop just before he reached it. He turned back to face her, his soft blue eyes sparkling with sadness.

"You are an incredible young woman, Quinn Fabray," he said. "I've watched you pour over these letters to your loved ones for months now, despite the physical and emotional pain that you're suffering and it's the most touching thing I have ever had the privilege to see. It's been…hard, to say the least, to know that there's nothing else I can do for you. But I can see that you're ready to go and I just wanted to say how truly sorry I am that I couldn't help you more."

Her kind, sweet doctor. Just another person to add to her list of goodbyes.

"You have done more for me than you know, Doc," she told him. "You put up with Puck's constant presence here. You allowed Beth to see me whenever it worked for her, no matter when visiting hours were. You gave me just enough time to get all of this," she indicated the letters, "done. I am so grateful to have had you as my doctor."

"It has been an absolute pleasure, Quinn. I'll send in your boy."

With that, he slipped out of the room and Quinn closed her eyes, a deep sense of grief settling itself in her heart.

Five minutes later, she opened her eyes to the sound of her door opening.

Puck.

He walked into the room and gazed at her and Quinn felt her heart shatter at the look in his eyes.

"Hi,'' she said softly.

Without a word, Puck pulled up a chair and moved it as close to her bed as he could. He sat down and very gently took her hands into his.

Quinn gazed into his tear-filled eyes and reached out, affectionately running her fingers through his dark brown hair that Beth had inherited from him.

"Don't cry," she murmured.

"I don't know how to stop," Puck choked out.

"Look at me."

He lifted his head and the sight of his handsome, heartbroken face knocked the breath out of Quinn's lungs.

"Thank you so much for everything, Puck," she said, feeling her body grow weaker with every word that she forced out. "The letters. Beth. Loving me. Thank you for all of it. I owe you so much and forever and listen to me. You're going to be okay. I promise."

He shook his head. "How can I be okay without you?"

Her forever. He was everything she had ever wanted.

She smiled tremulously at him. "You'll never be completely without me, sweetheart. You may not be able to see me physically but I will always, always be looking down and you and smiling. You are everything I could have asked for, Noah Puckerman. Keep that knowledge close to your heart."

She could feel her breathing growing more rapid and shallow by the second. As she struggled to suck air into her lungs, she saw panic flare in Puck's eyes.

"No, Q. Stay with me. Please don't leave me," he begged.

"Come here," she whispered. He leaned closer to her and she pressed a kiss to his trembling lips as she felt her world start to go dark. "I love you."

She leaned back onto her pillows and felt her eyes began to close against her will.

"Quinn, no!" she heard Puck yell, his voice far away. "No! No, damn it! Stay with me, Q! Please don't go. Please don't die, Quinn, please don't die, please."

His sobs were the last thing Quinn heard as she faded away into the darkness.

Then, everything was quiet.

* * *

Quinn sat on the edge of the grassy cliff, her legs dangling as she watched the sun start to set over the ocean. It was a breathtaking sight but she couldn't fully focus on it; she was too crushed with sadness and too plagued with worry to focus on anything, really. It was a feeling that had been with her since arriving.

Slowly, the sky began to explode into varied shades of pink and purple, orange and red, and the ocean glowed as it reflected the golden rays of the sinking sun. As she took in the beauty of it, Quinn felt someone sit down beside her.

He didn't push her to talk, or even say hello. He knew how she felt; he had been keeping a close eye on her since her arrival. He simply sat next to her and looked out at the horizon, a content look on his handsome face.

Finally, she spoke.

"Do you think they'll be okay?" she asked anxiously, desperately, running a hand through her short blonde hair.

Finn gazed down at her and smiled. "Yeah, Q," he said honestly. Years of knowing her had clued him in to how worried she truly was about the people she had been forced to leave behind.

"I'm so scared, Finn."

"I know you are."

"I should have done more."

"You left them everything you could and gave them what they need to keep going."

She let his words wash over her for several moments.

"You really think so?" she asked.

"I really do."

"You think they'll be alright?"

"I think they'll be just fine. You'll see."

He put his arm around her and Quinn leaned her head against his strong shoulder, letting out a sigh. He pressed a kiss to her forehead as they watched the sunset together.

Finn was right. They would be okay.

She closed her eyes and smiled.


End file.
